Venture Forth

Huh, This Exists? Odd.

2008-10-31T16:42:00.003-04:00

Current Date: July 5, 2009.

Last post was made: April 12, 2006.

Amazingly enough, I just spent the past two hours looking through all my old entries, and I've a few things to say.

First and foremost, I am a damn good writer. As an aspiring technical and creative writer, my passion dwells deep in the love of language as an artform. Looking back on these passions, I am mystified that I managed to produce such drawn-out expositions and witty dialogue. Really, this entire blog tickled my fancy and I would love to take a few entries and turn them into short stories. It really is a shame that my current Creative Writing class has gotten past the Fiction part of the semester.

Looking back on those years, I am now sure that I wasn't prepared for a relationship as serious as I felt with Miriam. In the end, I spent hundreds of my father's money visiting her in person only to meet one of the biggest disappointments in my life. This isn't to say I'm ungrateful for the time I spent with her. I actually cherish the relationship we shared together and how much I ended up growing out of the whole ordeal. She was the first person I ended up opening to, with mind and body. I ended up loving her, ended up having my heart broken, and ended up growing stronger out of the experience. I don't think I was ready for love at that time, and that was that. Yeah, forty-odd entries all summed up in one nice, neat little paragraph.

If she reads this, I wish Miriam the best of luck with her current marriage.

Religion-wise, I was part of the LDS church for a little while, then I got out of it. As I look back on it, I joined for the wrong reasons, stuck around for the wrong reasons, and put on a false face as far as I can tell. The church wasn't the place for me after a bit of soul-searching and I've decided to fall back upon my previous line of thoughts, which involve a agnostic point of view. If some one were to ask me what I believed in these days, I'd tell them I believe in the possibilities for a god or gods to exist, and I could give them a detailed line of reasoning behind that statement; most of which came from my desire to explain Airez and Ailek's interaction with their worlds.

On the topic of college, I've hit a bit of a rut. I've come to the realization that I don't really know why I'm in college at the moment and I'd like to see more of the world to determine the very reason to continue my education. To elaborate, I'm just not sure what I want out of the education I've getting. My motivation to succeed has not increased at all since high school; I only feel compelled enough to accomplish C's rather than A's or B's. I continue in college just for the sake of being in school, and nothing else. After college, I have no game plan, no specific goals, no desired occupation; no nothing. If I were to obtain my bachelor's degree, it would be so because of my will to finish, which I've been severely lacking lately.

See the dilemma? Yeah, I'm hoping to as well. After I see a bit more of what the world has to offer, I might check back into my college education and finish up my degree, but we'll see. Hopefully, it'll jostle a bit of that initial motivation I used to have when first coming to the university.

We'll see what happens.

Wired

2006-04-12T11:00:00.000-04:00

Life is serious business.

I say that because my friends joke about it all the time, and it's true in some respects and flse in some respects. I feel that too many individuals take it too seriously and don't enjoy it as much as they possibly could. I, personally, have been spending a good many days out with friends, chatting with buddies on the phone, and just living however I can. At the same time, I also deal with school, my family, and a love life that is dangling from some very thin threads.

At this point, I've basically memorized the downtown area of Aiken thanks to my buddies. After having discovered the faster route through town to get to college, I pass by the many scenes of Aiken, as well as the various sights one could enjoy here and there. We have the antique shops, the local businesses, and the various eateries that are vastly over-priced. What can you do when you live in a retirement home? I've actually discovered the employment areas of many of my friends as well, which is good to know since I get to talk with them through their work. One such individual would be Mike.

Mike (not to be confused with my friend from church) is a guy I met while attending a hard-rock concert a little whiles back.

Yes, I actually went to a local hardcore rock concert this semester. Sorry to all the "don't listen to bad music!" people out there but I doubt mind-numbing sounds with loud instruments and what not will turn me into a gothic-killer. But what really made this concert special was that a highschool friend of mine was one of the vocalists in the starting band, and I felt it appropiate that I attend this for his sake. After all, what better things did I have to do on a nice Monday night?

Thus, Morgan (college friend) her boyfriend Chris, and I all headed out into Augusta and met up at the little building that would be housing the concert. It was fun because they had an arguement right in front of me while pumping gas, and it's just like a little soap opera when watching from outside the circle of affairs. When you're inside the circle, it's just one long, painful occurence and your entire day is basically ruined from that moment on until some sort of reconciliation or closure occurs. When you're outside of the circle, however, it's just hillarious to witness. But I digress -- We arrived at the shanty building and were greated by a great many highschool kids that you'd typically find at one of these concerts.

It was very bizarre because I kid you not that the stereotypes were certainly there. Most of the people were in highschool, under-aged, and very gothic-esque. However, it was plain to see that most all of them were actually just "emos". Yes, bonified, stereotypical-looking emos. I swear they had the whole long, black hair that covered their eyes, the all black clothing, and the hoodies. Oh my did they all have hoodies in that place. It was like only Morgan and I were the ones without hoodies. But, nevertheless, I put on a happy demeanor and worked my way though the crowd of about twenty-five to thirty individuals. I recognized a few of them, including Kaity from highschool, Eric from highschool, and whatshisname from highschool. I always hung around with Eric and Kaity in highschool during lunch, and I have the latter of the two a good many back massages.

What? I was in highschool and I had my hands on a girl. That was memorable enough for me.

Also, I soon found out why these kids always wore hoodies as well. As soon as Mitch's guitarist strummed one string of his guitar, I believe my ears cried in agony. Next thing you know, I'm listening to a test-rhythm while standing way too close to the speakers with Morgan and Chris. And then the music really started.

Let me tell you something about hardcore rock: It is very loud, somewhat catchy, and you can't understand a single word the vocalist is saying. I tell you that it was amazing that Mitch was able to make those sort of sounds in the first place, but goodness gracious was I ever surprised that such demonic voices could escape his lips. He's one skinny skater-fellow who has a rather quiet, well-to-do voice; however, he came out with the most devilish voice I've every heard from a human being. I spoke to him later about it and he said it takes some getting used to.

Mm, and now for what I thought was initally a joke, only to find it a sad truth. While Mitch was screaming all sorts of blood and murder, one of the only black guys in the join walks up close to the stage and starts "two-stepping". Two-stepping is sort of like a sulking Michael-Jackson like walk where the person is hunched over, waving their arms to their feet for a moment, and sort of... flowing with their steps going one in front of the other, walking without moving. Oh but that wasn't what freaked me out. This crazy guy actually starts thrashing his arms and legs around madly, like some sort of devil possessed his body. And when I saw it, I couldn't help but laugh my rear-end off, looking at Morgan and seeing her laughing as well. Alas, I was mistake to thing this was some sort of satirical joke as some other guys started to do the same thing.

Holy cow... this is what was called "hardcore dancing," and I think it would make babies cry.

Really, it looked so utterly foolish to me. I couldn't imagine that these guy swould be thrashing their hands around, grasping at the air before the singer, and them thrashing some more with their arms and legs, nearly kicking and punching everyone around them. This was some seriously dangerous looking stuff, and I'm sure that more than one person was smacked that night because of some careless 'dancers'.

After two or so bands played, I stepped outside with Morgan and went about trying to regain my hearing. Psychologically speaking, my ears were adapted to the loud music that was blaring at me that entire time, and I needed a good five to ten minutes just to recover from it. But yes, this gave me plenty of time to converse with the emos and Mitch, and then finally meet a gy named Mike, a now very good friend of mine.

Due to the fact that he had epilepsy, he couldn't go in for the last band. I figured I might as well have a nice conversation with this guy since he actually was interested in many things that I was. We chatted about the movie Kungfu Hustle, and even got into Final Fantasy 7. By the end of the night, I got his phone number and we talked every so often during the week. He's a great guy and I enjoy him thoroughly.

Ah yes... so that's one of the many things happening to me. Also, Kitty and I aren't getting along so well. For one, she hates that I'm Mormon. She really hates organized religion in general due to the obligations and what not, but she just really hates Mormons most of all. I say Mormons rather than LDS because I told her I was LDS before Mormon, which she didn't know where one in the same. And thus, she confessed a few bad experiences with some kids around her age of the faith, but I was still quite displeased with her reasoning behind it. Argued some, but really didn't go anywhere fast. Eventually, we just kept going in circles over and over, as well as earning a sour mood.

Also, I've seen little to no trace of her recently, and I got really worried the week before. It turns out that a great deal happened which I really didn't know that much about until she told me on the phone. I could only give my sympathies to her before letting her off the phone. Still, I thought a break between us would be a good idea, if only to refresh the both of us. I believe it's a good idea to take a step back sometimes when it comes to relationships - otherwise, you're going to get sick of one another. So yes, she is on her Spring Break whiel I'm busy working on chool and my social life. I'm hoping this all works out in the end but... I'm beginning to have doubts whether or not this relationship of ours will really go anywhere.

Mmm... I guess that'll be all for now. I have an interesting outlook on Airez and Ailek for my next post.

Our Land

2006-03-13T01:11:00.000-05:00

Mmm... people I care about these days are going through so much.

Lisa - Her sister dropped out of school and is currently lounging around the house like a good for nothing. What this means is that she's taking up all of her sister's work, as well as her own. She's been going through a lot of heck lately because of it, and the stress it's putting her through.

Paula - Her grandmother passed away and she was very emotional the day after the funeral. Her mother mentioned how saddened she'd been lately, but it's strange how rarely she showed it to me. Lisa stopped me in the halls and ask about Paula, and mentioned the state she was in. However... when I talked to her, she seemed fine. I wonder what people are hiding from me...

Jeffrey - A friend of mine that I hang around with during lunch: And a cutter. Having some knowledge of what goes through a person's mind, I seriously wondered about him and why he did such things. He mentioned to me about having come home from the doctors with some new pills, and then showed me the marks upon his arm. What pain goes through the mind to bring about the depression of such a caliber... And he seemed perfectly happy too... Again, I wonder how people hide.

Miriam - After breaking one of my resolutions and actually visiting her blog, I found myself aching a bit. Again, some one I loved was in pain, and yet I was ignoring her this whole time. I feel like beating myself for not helping but... what can one do? I should get in contact more often... some time.

Katherine (Kitty) - My Kitty... The poor girl has a very weak immune system, and I've gotten very worried about her state of health. Waking up in the middle of the night, shivering in pain. Having random head aches and chills all the time. This isn't even mentioning the entire week she was coughing up some blood and feeling very frail... Even now, while I'm talking with her, she seems happy and ever so loving to my words. She mentions so many wonderous things for our future... and so many promises and delights to come. I hope ever so much that these are true... and that such fantasies and dreams can come to fruition.

No, this entry really isn't a real one from me. It's 1:30 in the evening for me on my very last night of Spring Break.

I'll put something up... some day.

Origami - Fold the edges of my soul...

2006-02-24T10:06:00.000-05:00

Holy cow... one month of completely ignoring this blog. I should be tarred, feathered, and spanked by a man wearing a chicken-suit for such inconsiderate actions. Nevertheless, I feel mildly compelled to actually write something down today, if only to pass the time while I wait for my Psychology quiz to come around.

So in the grand scheme of things, what in the world have I been up to? What sort of things have coaxed me away from so many things I once loved to do? What has kept me so busy these past few weeks that I've neglected to much in the world?

Life - It's a simple as that. I actually have one and I'm quite happy with it.

I've become insanely more social than I've ever been, and I'm doing a great many things with my friends from church, and my newly formed friends from college. It's stupendous and magnificent at the same time, and I love it. I've joined about three clubs, I know many members in each, and I actively participate in two of them. Those three clubs would be the Philosophy club, the Political Science club, and the Anime club. Of the three, surprisingly enough, I attend the Philosophy and Political Science more regularly than anything else. I talk and discuss with the members on a daily basis, and I'm getting a wonderful perspective on life from them. And lo' and behold, my opinion is valued!

As for the Anime club - Well... we watch movies. Not much more than that. I've attended only a few of them this year, and not much more than that. It seems like a good place to relax and watch a free movie for a while, so I go when I feel the desire to do so.

Political Science is a fun club, even though I know little to nothing about the issues, if only because my new favorite teacher, Dr. Millies, attends it every week. He and I have been getting along wonderfully, and I can find myself heading over to his office whenever I desire it, able to just sit around and chat, and actually form a great bond with the man. He's great! Not only is he a fun teacher, but he's an enjoyable friend that I can talk non-stop with. We joke around everyday we meet, and we just get along wonderfully. He's made me very active in his class, coaxing me to answer questions, and he calls me out in front of everyone just out of humor and a good time.

A good example would be on Monday morning of this week:

Now, this morning, I was going to be late for class because I was going to trial for a speeding ticket (yes, it was going to happen eventually [what with the way I drive]) and I had decided to dress up for the occasion. Not only did I want to appease the court with my good looks and a swank suit, but it gave me a very good reason to wear a suit to school that morning. For those of you that know me enough, I love wearing suits. If I had a different suit for every day of the week, you can bet I'd wear it. But I digress...

So I drove to college, fifteen minutes late for my first class (I had given the teacher a notice, don't worry), and the first person I run into would be Amy Hurt. Instantly, her jaw just dropped as she passed by me, shouting, "LOOK AT YOU!!!" Naturally, I laughed and talked for a moment with her, explaining my reasonings. She complimented me on my appearance and we parted ways. This was just the very beginning - Dr. Millies had much bigger plans for me.

Into the class I go, trying to look as inconspicuous as possible, all the while secretly wishing that everyone would look at me. As soon as I put my book bag down upon the floor, I heard my voice called out by my teacher.

"Mr. Silton," said Dr. Millies with a big smile on his face, "Could you please remain standing for a while."

Naturally, I obliged his wishes and stood there, hands folded in front of me.

"Class, I want everyone of you to look at Mr. Silton right now. This man has dressed so facifully for the sake of the political system; not only that, but he has partaken within the system this morning as he went to court, as I was informed." And with a smug look upon his face, he said, "Mr. Silton, could you raise your hand for a moment?"

Of course, I obliged.

"Now class, who here thinks Mr. Silton (yes, he always calls me that) looks better than I do today?"

And with that, a number of hands rose up, though I was still in the minority vote. The hands go down and Dr. Millies looks bewildered upon the group, "Apparently I do, but I must say that I think Mr. Silton looks much better than I do this fine morning."

"Ah, and your vote is more important than everyone elses'." I added with a grin on my face.

He responded with a nod, "Well it's as Abraham Lincoln once said, 'All in favor, say aye' and there was one 'Aye' and six 'Nay's. The aye was his and he finished with, 'The ayes have it.'"

"Well there you go."

It was a very amusing morning for me, to say the least, and it's one of the many episodes that the two of us share, giving amusement to everyone else as well as ourselves. And that's one of the many reasons why I love Political Science clud.

Moving on, we now have Philosophy club to talk about. This club, by far, is my most favorite one of all. I can't stress it enough that people should come to it for the drama alone. I swear that Matthius (Lisa's current boyfriend) gets himself yelled at every single time he voices an opinion. It's not that his opinions are bad or anything, but rather that they're so conservative in nature! He opens himself up for pop-shots and doesn't give a strong enough opinion to pull himself out of the targetting range of everyone else. Lisa and I always joke around that he just never stops talking either, and wouldn't dare hesitate for anyone else's voice to interrupt our own. I've nudged her shoulder many times and made a chopping gesture enough so that both of us are smirking. Not only that but we have Bob, the radical liberal old guy, that gets into a heated debate every single time with Matthius. It's great just to watch the two of them go at it time and time again.

Like I said, come for the drama.

Basically, Bob and Matthius are the two out-spoken ones. The rest of us merely offer generous opinions here and there. However... I'm quickly becoming more and more prevalent with my opinions, and have gotten into an arguement or two already. In fact, I've had the chance to shoot down both Bob and Mattius when arguing, which is a thrilling rush of andrenaline all on its own. One time, Dr Premo-Hopkins (my old philosophy teacher) was egging Matthius on and on about Church vs. State and private schools, and you could tell that Matthius wasn't getting anywhere quickly (as per usual). However, I stepped in and mentioned how off-topic Dr. Hopkins was goingm and this drew her attention to me, asking me exactly what she was asking before. However, unlike my good friend, I had a very solid arguement against her (mainly because I'd attended private school for a good many years and had a lot of experience dealing with them). At this point, Bob interjected me and added something to Dr. Hopkin's arguement, and that was quickly pushed down with my own explanations. These actions alone gained me a lot of respect and recognition amongst the members, I believe.

So yes, debate and drama are what fuel my Philosophic world. That and we have gracious amongst of cookies and soda at each meeting - Who passes up free food, eh?

Mm! Mmm mm mm... not doing as great as I want to in school, but I'm working hard at it. Hoping to at least get one A out of my classes.

Speaking of Lisa, she and I have been having a lot of fun hanging out. Paula (one of her friends I.R.L. and on Gaia) joins us all the time and we go out to see movies together, and other assorted events. Paula insisted she go with me to one of the Political Science movies being shown this semester, and we had a fairly decent time discussing some of the things troubling her. Later that same week, she, Lisa, and I went out and watched "Stranger Calls". It was a horror flick, but it was also slightly cheesy. The only bad thing about it was the audience.

It reminded me of why I hate highschool students these days. Noisy, obnoxious, and disrespectful of all other individuals. Lisa took the liberty of telling the entire crowd to shut up once, but they didn't bother to listen to a word she said.

The movie was based around a young, highschool girl (surprise surprise) who was left at this rich family's home to baby-sit. During the night, however, she was getting many phone calls from assort people, including her friends, her family, and the people she worked for - not to mention the killer. It included the usual teen drama along with built-up scares here and there. It still humors me to this moment that people screamed at the sight of a statue and a cat. Go figure... But, on the plus side, a girl we all wanted to die did die and everyone screamed at the sight of the body. Bunch of pansies if you ask me...

So next thing you know, the killer shows himself and goes on a rampage amongst the girl and the children she was baby-sitting. Sadly, none of them died. However, Lisa and Paula were busy screaming their heads off and the former of the two said, "James! You're not being a good guy right now?"

What the heck?

"You're supposed to be comforting us and making us feel safe and secure!"

Oh-kay. Next thing you know, my arm was over Lisa and patting Paula while I held Lisa's arm to my chest. Hey, no complaints here.

Speaking of girls... ahem... well... I've got another girlfriend now as well.

Everyone: "Well it's about time!"

Yes, I know I know, it's been a long time but I have my reasons for doing so. I'm not going to say those reasons here or anything, but they are good in my mind and I'm glad I held out to meet this person in particular.

Okay, sugar-coating asside: I met her through Gaia. Yes, kick me in the nuts and call me dumb for doing so, but I'm very happy with this. I have my reasons for not being with any of the local girls. For one, I hardly feel any of them fully understand who I am and what I do with my life, nor do I care to challenge their patience to learn. Yes, I might try it some day, but right now I could care less about them.

As for Katherine, my girlfriend, I'm very happy to have met her. Our reasons for meeting up were quite strange, but it was rather nice to converse with her over a long period of time. Eventually, she confessed that she really really REALLY liked me, and we just went from there. It wasn't long before she mentioned that she was in love with me and adored how wonderful of a person I was (her words, not mine folks). Unfortunately... I couldn't find myself to be in love with her so soon. I was still feeling wounds from my past and I didn't feel like jumping the gun so very soon either.

It was then that I started to really learn a lot about this girl. She was smart, beautiful, well-financed, and she was just fun to be with. It was eery how alike the two of us were, and I was amazed at the similarities our lives shared. Eventually, I found myself falling in love all over again. I made sure she knew exactly what love meant to me, and I make very sure that I honestly felt this way before telling her exactly how I felt.

And she cried and cried and cried. I remember the look upon her face as I told her those words, and she was taken aback, rubbing her eyes and smiling widely as she heard me. And I, as well, was smiling back at her, on the edge of tears myself as I saw her. It was stunning experience, and I'm glad I didn't put those words to waste.

Meh, getting a little teary as we speak right now.

Mmm... life has been very generous to me lately, and I'm glad it's going so well. I'm happy... for the first time in a good while, I'm very, very happy...

Bagel Bites

2006-01-24T19:45:00.000-05:00

Yes, it's been a while since I've even thought about bothering with a blog entry. In all honesty, there is very little reason for me to do so since basically no one reads this little sucker. But, for the sake of those that might want to glance upon these digital pages, I figure I should at least give some recent update on my life.

For the past two weeks, I've been a bit busy with all things. My duty with the missionaries has been waining since school started, and I'm finding myself more and more restless with each passing day. In a nutshell, school has reawakened me to many of my old habits, including my utter hatred of being bored, my habits of procrastination, and my dislike of being asked to do things by other people.

Let's face it, I need to change a few things in my life. Alas, we'll get down to that some other day.

Of all the classes that I'm taking, American Government is still my favorite one. The teacher's methods are very good, and he keeps the entire class in high-spirits throughout the lesson. Unlike some teachers, he's very into discussions and frequently asked the students many questions. Furthermore, he's a more modern teacher: One who knows a great deal about today's world and focuses his teaching to meet the attention spans of today's youth. Instead of just giving lectures, he has it so that we're all interested in learning what there is to learn. He's gotten it so that his class is the most important one I think of during the day, which is no easy feat mind you. With a quiz every morning, the class is forced to read and study the material, which is a very good method of teaching, if you ask me.

Yes, the man is basicly forcing us to study. If we don't study, then we don't pass the quizes, or the class for that matter. I know it soundsa bit strange, but it does work.

As for the rest of my classes... meh, they're good as well. I still really can't stand the teacher in Sociology, but I'm tolerating his jokes and what not. I really just wish this guy actually had a teaching lesson for class, rather than just going by what he knows when reading the book. Also, I can't help but tease him every single time he says "Okay." Not sure why but I find some bit of humor every single time he blurts it out after a sentence. I do the same things whenever Elder Moemai smacks his lips or whenever Elder Kimball said "Y'know."

Does that make me evil?

But enough about the junk that no one really cares about. I'm sure plenty of people are wondering how I'm coping with life and all its eventfulness. Strangely enough, I've been very social for the past few weeks. Last Saturday, Jowy invited me over to Yon's house for a little movie night, whcih, of course, I gladly accepted.

The two of us headed over and enjoyed some quality time with our friends. While there, I met up with Michael (another recent convert), and we talked about the New Year's party and how he dressed up as a jedi knight. The two of us relate in many ways since we're not so sensitive to graphic matter, and that we understand many concepts about life that I'm sure the other members probably never talk about in open-conversation. The guy's very outgoing, and through him, I am as well. Not sure why, but I can be very social when I'm having a lot of fun.

While there, everyone watched The Italian Job, a movie based around theives and betrayal. Yon made a face as soon as a graphic word was said, and everyone else did so in unison with that since it was a touchy topic. On the other hand, Mike looked over at me and said, "Isn't it funny how everyone gets all shook up over a word like that while the two of us really don't care. I mean, we hear worse things on the street every single day."

I agreed with him, though my thoughts on profanity stay the same. Plain and simple, I prefer not to hear it, and especially not to be a part of it. But, what Mike said did ring true for me: I am a bit desensitized with the world, and I don't freak out over every little detail that comes around my way. When some one mentions a profane word or two, I will usually just shrug it off and say nothing about it. Who am I to tell people what they can and cannot do? It's like forcing some one to believe what they don't want to believe; a concept I am strongly again doing.

That's actually one of the reasons I believe I'll make a good missionary: I won't force anyone to listen to what I have to say. If a person says they don't want to listen to what I have to say, I'll be more than happy to let it pass. The thing is... if you go on speaking on and on about a belief after the person you're talking to says they don't want to listen, that's just badgering the person and giving the belief a bad name. I know that in their minds the people are thinking, "What is with these guys? Do they do this to every single person they come up to? Why are they trying to push me into believing after I told them I wouldn't? What's the deal?" Next thing you know, those people are going to go to work the next day and tell all their buddies about what happened. Eventually, they'll start joking about it and slandering the church's name, unaware of what our true message is.

Of course, I also believe that the missionaries should be doing a better job of explaining against the sterotypes of the church as well. Sadly, people still think "Multiple partners" when they hear the word Mormon, and personally... I find it sad that no one is telling them otherwise when they're face to face.

Alas, I'm hoping to give a better view of LDS-ism to the world through my own methods. I want to make sure people understand what we're about, what we believe, and all there is to know about the Church. I don't want to leave people asking questions.

Mm... but enough about that as well.

Monday had nothing exciting happen, but Tuesday was slightly thrilling. At Institute, I sat with Mike and we chatted for a while after having some pizza (it was a social night), and then listened to Brother Tuckfield discuss with us about the Book of Mormon (we're basicly getting a college class for free). Afterwards, everyone sat down and had some more pizza and what not, but Steve (a member from Augusta) brought in a little snake he found from outside. And while I was fascinated with it, I was afraid the girls would start screaming and squealing.

Actually... I'd have found that very amusing and laughed. *t3h evil*

Contrary to my belief, the girls were actually very interested with the little snake as well. It was a baby gardener snake, just crawling along with his cuteness. No one was afraid of it biting, and no one really minded it being there. We were all just afraid Kathy would drop it and let it roam freely amongst the halls. Who knows what would happen if someone found a snake crawling over the pedestal!

I'd have to go to that Sacrament meeting for sure.

Afterward, Kathy, Kaity, Steve-Oh and I went over to Yon's place once more to take part in some enjoyable games. After listening into a very thought-provoking discussion about women in the church, given by Chad, we all sat down and played some sort of game related to Taboo. Each of us was on a team and one of us would hold the game in hand. The game gave us all a topic to start from, then it would randomly generate a word or phrase. Now, everyone on our team had to guess the phrase/word we had; however, we weren't allowed to say the word itself. Basicly, we had to decribe the word and everyone else would guess, then we'd pass the game to the next person. All the while that this happened, there was a timer that was beeping faster and faster in the background. If the thing buzzed while it was in your hand, the other team gained a point, and vice-versa. It was a whole lot of fun and everyone was really getting into it. I sort of felt sorry for the girl next to me because I was so good at the game and could easily have it guessed and it would always buzz on her. The one time it did buzz on me, everyone laughed and exclaimed "It's about time!".

After the game and such, almost everyone headed home. But, seeing how I had nothing much to do that night, I stuck around and chatted with Yon, James (some other James), Jessica, and some girl whose name I didn't know. Between the five of us, we all decided to talk about relationships. Yon was curious as to why in the world he could not get women to go out with him, and that he never had a girlfriend at that very point. Considering Yon's personality, it's really a surprise too. He's VERY outgoing and a very informed person. Sure he's not the best looking guy in the entire world, and he is the oldest person in Young Singles, but he is a great guy nevertheless. Also, he had some wonderful insight about women and how men were treated by them.

One such example he said really stuck out to me, and I was surprised how well it described my past relationship. Really was inspiring, and I'm glad I heard it from Yon. I hope the best for him.

Anyway, nothing much happened on Wednesday either.

On Thursday night, Jowy and I went ot the movies and saw Hoodwinked, a classic tale with a certain spin on it. The movie was basicly about Little Red Riding Hood and her trip to Granny's house. However, it had a unique twist from the very beginning, and everything turned a bit hay-wire after that. Next thing you know, Red and the others are sitting in front of a Detective while giving their various stories as to what happened. The criminal in the movie was pretty easy to figure out, and the animation wasn't exactly up to par with today's standards, but it was a decent movie nonetheless. We parted ways and headed off to do our own things.

As for Friday... well... that was perhaps one of the most interesting afternoons I've had all year.

After all my classes, Lisa (remember her?) and I headed over to the Philosophy club and I was introduced to everyone. Lucky for me, my old teacher, Dr. Hopkins, was there and a few people I recognized from Lisa's circle of friends were hanging around as well. I met Mathius too, who was an excellent photographer that has his work published on a gallery, and I think he is in charge of the Broken Ink magazine that deals with a lot of writing, drawing, and what not from the USCA students. A few others were Skylar, the "Black Guy" of the Philosophy club, and a few other people I'd meet throughout the next week.

To start the meeting off, Lisa brought in some DELICIOUS chocolate cheese cake she made, and everyone took the time to dig in and enjoy it to its fullest. After that, we got into a long discussion about Philosophy and its role in today's world. Dr. Hopkins mentioned how the art of Philosophy seemed to be dying out in todays world since Science and what not were taking a firm hold upon society. A great deal of the group agreed with this, and then a few of us mentioned how it really didn't seem to be dying at all. I, personally, noted how the world of Philosophy wasn't really dying out, but that it was actually just evolving into a more modern way of being. It was being shaped into the mold of youth activists, in governments, and in various cultures as a way of living. People are using philosophy in so many ways; it's just that they're not aware of it.

After a few heated debates between the members, we split up and went on our various ways.

Oh, but not Lisa and I. No no no, we had different plans for that afternoon. And to those of you that read that in a dirty way, shame on you! No, we planned a few days ago about meeting up with Paula (also from Gaia) at Lisa's house, and to watch a movie. So, for the next fifteen minutes or so, the two of us drove to her house and hung around for a while. When I left my car and saw who Paula was, I was quite surprised. She looked slightly different from her picture on MSN, but I was happy to see her nonetheless. In the past, the two of us had a few spats and arguements when I first showed up (read back on my blog a bit, you'll find it), we soon grew as friends and shared some interests. Next thing you know, the two of us are chatting and laughing about everything.

So, meeting Paula for the first time wasn't too strange. It's weird, but I really didn't associate her with being the girl I knew online for some reason. *shrugs* Ah well.

As soon as I walked into the door, Lisa's dogs all huddled around me and were inspecting me. Gigi, Lisa's first dog, was a bit scared of me at first and would walk away when I tried to pet her, but Mo was more than happy to attract my attention and get as many pets in as she possible could. And by doing this, Gigi became a bit jealous and quickly drew me attention away from Mo by letting me pet her as well. It was so adorable! Within a matter of minutes, I had Gigi on the floor and enjoying her belly rubs.

This caused a bit of a dismay between my friends because Gigi was supposed to hate men. I laughed about that and considered Gigi's newfounded trust in me a sign of victory.

Booyah!

Ah... and while Lisa got changed, Paula and I talked about Gaia and some various issues upon it, and we discussed a few things about RO (which I have little knowledge of compared to others, but know enough about games to hold a conversation about). WIth the many short conversations we had, the two of us eventually went over to join Lisa in the kitchen. There, I had a fun time cleaning dished with them and wearing a tiara in the process was listening to porn bass music in the background.

... Don't ask.

Eventually, everyone headed back into the living room and I listened in as the two of them talked about the past and laughed about a few topics. We eventually got into discussing Gaia once more and I had Paula and Lisa wondering if they could borrow items. Lisa went so far as to try and give me the cutest face she could possibly make, which involving smiling in a very nice, adorable, and sickeningly nostalgic way. For a split second, I think I saw her as some one else. Meh... I hate to think about that, and I was reminded once more when we were preparing to leave and Lisa ran out in a black tanktop, holding her hair back in a pony tail while telling me they'd be ready in a while.

It made me think for a while, and then I laughed about it soon afterwards. All in the past, and I'm glad it's there.

We left Lisa's home and headed over to get something to eat at Wendy's. There, I answered a bunch fo questions the girls had about the site, and told them what to do with certain situations, even giving them advice for how to handle a problem or two they were having. As we left, they thanks me that I was a moderator in their guild.

It's nice being wanted.

We headed over to Target and purchased a few things, then headed out to the movies where we saw A New World. My advice for anyone that wants to see that movie: Save yourself eight-bucks and don't bother with it. I expected a whole lot more from this movie than just some love-story between Pocahantus and John Smith. It was rated PG-13 based on a single graphic battle scene, one which wasn't all that good in the first place. There was hardly any dialogue in the movie at all, and most of it was just some minor narrations here and there. Everything was so sappy and boring, and it only held my attention for a few measily minutes - which is bad considering the entire movie was a over two-hours long. I regret passing up the movie Hostel (even if it was rated R) to see this movie.

I think the best part of the movie was in the very end where some girl in the audience said, "I didn't know she died!"Oi... and the three of us did not let that go.

After the movie, we headed over to a gas station so that Paula could pick up some more cigarettes.

... Yeah... I think the fact that the two of them smoking all the time was the only thing that was really bothering me the entire afternoon. "You know what I could use?" "A smoke?" "Oh yeah." I was sickened by how often the two girls actually pulled out cigarettes and started smoking their little heads off. As soon as I saw the first puff fo smoke, I rolled my window down as fast as I possibly could. I can take smoking in public (my highschool friends did it all the time), but I would not be able to stand it in the car with closed windows. Whenever we left the car for whatever reason, I was thankful for having a fresh breath of air that didn't stink horribly. I kid you not that the two of them went through half a pack each that one afternoon.

*le sigh* ... Ah well.

While Paula was gone, Lisa pulled her chair back and looked over at me, asking what it was like to meet a person from Gaia face-to-face for the first time. I mentioned that I had met someone from Gaia before the two of them, and then talked a little bit about Miriam to Lisa. After telling how about the three times I visited, she was really surprised to learn that Mia lived off in Maryland at the time, and that we stuck together for so long. After telling mentioning that she was the one that got me into the church, Lisa just smiled and said, "There must be something more to the church to make you stay around after your ex- left you." At that point, Paula came back and we left.

The three of us headed home and lounged around for a while. I called my parents up to tell them I'd be home soon, and my mom gave me a little talking to since she had no idea where I was. Yes... since 2:30 that afternoon, my parents were worrying their bums off as to where exactly I was. When they called up the missionaries, they were informed that I had gone on a "double-date". I blinked for a while, contemplating that, then laughed and reassured tehm that they were just my friends and we were only hanging out.

When I finally did head home, I sat around and talked with my parents about what happened, and told them not to worry so much. In all honesty, I didn't think they would considering how often I hung around with the missionaries for hours and hours. Though, in a way, I'm glad that they were worried about me. I appreciated the thought.

And that was enough for me.

The rest of the week was uninteresting as well. Monday had me really worried over a map-quiz, but it turned out to be very easy and I passed it with flying colors.

Mmm... been a long while. Not sure why I still post here.

And I Laughed

2006-01-11T19:16:00.000-05:00

I'm doing a very good job with my New Year's resolution, and I'm very glad that I've done so. It's made me a better person and everything - in my opinion at least. And no, I'm not telling anyone what that resolution is, nor will I ever tell anyone what it is. You don't need to know and it's really none of your businesses.

Sorry for sounding a bit harsh there, but the truth is the truth.

Mm, and college started for me on Monday. Back to the old University of South Carolina in Aiken I went, driving along in my repainted car and with a smile upon my face. I entered into the campus a bit early, if only to get a feel for everything again, then headed off to my initial class: American National Government; or for your picky little twirps out there, Political Science. I must say that the teacher really surprised me when I saw him. He wasn't some old fart, and he was very honest with his feelings, which really got a great deal of us laughing.

"Alright, at this ripe old age of mine, I've given up the hope of dreams and fantasies in my life, knowing they will never come true. But, just for the heck of it, do we have any Political Science majors in this class?"

And everyone stayed silent.

"And... I thought as much."

I have a good feeling about this guy. On the first day of class, we were instructed to take a research test that we wouldn't be seeing back - ever - for some survey. Apparently, researchers wanted to see how a semester's worth of knowledge in politics would change over time. I managed to get through a nice chunk of it, but couldn't finish when the teacher told us to pass them to the left. A bit distraught, I reluctantly gave up my test and sat quietly, waiting for our next instructions. And, it was at this point that I learned just how great this teacher was.

"Class, I'm going to trust you in never telling a soul what I'm about to tell you. What I am going to say will never leave this room," says the teacher, moving across the room, "In my personal opinion, those tests are complete and utter [crud]. No one is ever going to ask you such stupid questions as how many people are in the Senate, or how long the term of a certain office is. Those are trivia questions, not Politics. The only place those questions could possibly help you with is on Jeopardy."

I told you he was a great guy. I love a honest, open teacher that isn't afraid to voice his opinion about a matter. And thus, my newest semester started off.

I departed from my Political Science class with a smile on my face, and a cheer in my step. However, I became even more cheery as a bright, pale face met with mine and nearly pounced on me. Yes, it was Lisa, my old friend from Philosophy that was an avid participant on Gaiaonline. She quickly broke from her group of friends and followed/led me outside, happy and cheery as she gave me some good news. A few days previous to that one, she completed one of her quests on Gaia - the one to obtain a Jacked-Up Shirt. She thanks me profusely for having given her two pitchforks and even made a thread dedicated entirely to me in her guild. Needless to say, I was a bit flatter. With this young woman bouncing around and all, I couldn't help but cheer up even more so than before! However, I had to depart from her after my time ran out, and headed over into my World History class.

As I entered and sat down in the very back (one of the few seats elft, mind you), my ears rang with the sound of Beethoven's 5th Symphony, a musical masterpiece. The teacher there was an old, wrinkly man, and heavy-set to boot! I was a bit intimidated by the look of him, noting how the music made him seem even more powerful than before. Previous to this semester, I would pass by his class and hear these melodies ringing through the halls. I always wondered why he played such classical music all the time, and what sort of class it must have been. However, Dr. Luman's was hardly the man I envisioned him to seem.

"Good morning class! I think you've all noticed the music we have playing. And I play it because I think it's a nice addition to the class when everyone's coming in, and I personally like it as well. So, before we start anything, I was wondering if anyone could possibly tell me what song this is, and who wrote it. Well, not wrote but composed it."

"Beethoven's 5th?"

"Very good!"

Turns out this guy was a very jolly old man, and had a very kind spirit about him. It was like Santa except missing a beard and less hair. Still, a nice old guy nonetheless. Also, he was the head of the department, so any little problem could go directly to him. Pretty handy, in my opinion. So his class wasn't too bad either, and I found it a bit interesting.

And thus, I left that class as well, going off and heading over to the library. After surfing Gaia for about ten minutes or so, I decided to go get some lunch while I had time. Fifteen or so minutes later, I returned to my college campus; a McDonald's Mcflurry in hand, no less. They aren't nearly as good as Sonics' Flurry ice creams, but they are there when you need it. And considering how hungry I was, I certainly could have used one. I decided to head up to the Quad, parking my rear on a bench, and ate the little morsel while trying to look busy. I'm a people watcher, so I tend to do that so I won't be distracted by others.

That and it allows me time to scheme. Heh heh...

After finishing that up, I decided to head over to the H&SS building while I still had some time, and check out some stuff at the English department while I was there. However, I was greeted once more, and in a most peculiar way.

"Airez!"

...
...
...
That's right, folks. I was called "Airez"; in real life, no less. In a real, public place with over a dozen people standing around me. I was referred to by one of my online nicknames, something that has never happened in those circumstances.

As I turned around, I looked over and saw Lisa covering her mouth, laughing uncontrollably as I gave her a weirdly amused look.

"I meant James!"

"Airez? You actually called me by that name?"

"It just slipped and came out and I just-"

"Sure, sure [namewithdrawn]." I respond with a coy grin.

"No no no! Don't call me that," laughed Lisa, trying to cover my mouth, "Okay, I'm a dork for it, I know! But come on, what have I been calling you over the past month?"

I just grinned, "Well, considering we've only been online-"

"Yes! That's why I slipped it up!"

Her defence was fine and all, but I'm never letting her live that one down. I walked back inside after she begged me to go away (and save her from embarassment), headed around to the English department and took care of a little business, then walked back out and snuck up behind her once more, comforting her on the fact that she pronounced my name properly, something that surprises even me! I asked a friend a while back how she would pronounce my name, and she said that most everyone said "Ie-rez", which would be the Spanish or Japanese pronounciation. Still, props to those that did was I did and Americanize it. Go USA!

We joked about it for a while before heading off into our classes. And my next one was (dun dun DUN!) Psycology.

In I went and enjoyed the light-hearted people there, listening into their conversations and making a few of my own. I noticed one guy in particular that I recognized, Jason, and waved at him. He was a good friend of mine back in my French 3 class of highschool, and I spent many hours just talking with the guy and never doing my work in that class. My reason? I really didn't want that class anyway and the guy was always fun. I'm surprised I managed to get the grades that I did.

So, that aside, I took notice of two other highschool faces that I recognized, and nodded at them as well. During class, we really didn't do anything better than go over the syhllabus, but the teacher there was quiet fun as well. She was very outgoing, and had a nice sense of humor. It was nice to have so many good classes this year, and I was happy knowing that I recognized so many people this time around. Who knew Sophmore year of college was so much fun?

But, alas, I departed from that class and happened upon my Sociology class. I had high hopes for this place, and was thrilled knowing that I was in the same room I started in. Not only that, but two individuals from that class were in my Political Science class as well, so I quickly got to socializing with them also. And we waited... and waited... and waited some more... for our teacher. Eventually, the old coot finally showed up, apologized for his tardiness, and started with class.

Oh man... it was torture. This guy was very old, had a monotone voice, and didn't seem to know what he was doing half the time. Also, he admitted that he didn't have a teaching plan prepared for class, and that he'd be winging most of the lectures he did. This sent up the first red flag for me. Next, after going through the syllabus, he mentioned about how he wanted cellphones turned off.

"Okay, you can call your drug dealers after class."

... I kid you not... he really did say that. He's old, he's tiring, and he's trying to crack jokes that are difficult to discern from seriousness and sarcasm. Not only that, but he kept going with it and made more humorless jokes that just seemed to go on and on with no end in sight. Needless to say, I was more than ready to get out of that class, especially since it was the longest one I had all day. Oi... but at least some good came out of it, as it some how manages to happen whenever I leave a class.

"Well that was interesting." I said to a girl behind me, who quickly lunged forward (so to speak).

He leaned in and looked at me wide-eyed, blinking many many times. I just stared back as she said, "Oh my gosh! Do you remember me?"

"Oh course I do, Amy."

Amy, a friend of mine from St. Mary's, was standing there, seemingly amazed by me. And I'm really not saying that in an egotistical way; she seemed utterly dumbfounded in the way I had changed.

"Wow! James! I didn't recognize you at all. I was going "It can't be!" And I had to see your face to make sure who it actually was!"

"Oh?"

"Yeah, and wow... you have changed. I mean, you look different, you're taller and ... you've gotten big..."

I'm seriously going to assume she meant my muscle mass. The way she made it sound was as if she was enthralled by the way I'd changed, and I don't blame her. Back when she truly knew me, I was just some pasty-white kid with a bowl cut and thick glasses. Now, however, I have a very muscular build, have slicked back hair (which I'm proud of), and I got rid of the glasses nearly a year ago. I look like a completely different person from the one she knew, or anyone knew for that matter.

Yes, I am very proud of the change I made.

We conversed and walked side-by-side, exitting the H&SS building while laughing about how everything had changed. It was a fine little meeting that I wasn't expecting, especially since I knew what sort of person Amy had become (of which I won't disclose at this point). I'm just happy she decided to come up and talk with me, until the hawk came into being.

The highlight of my day! A hawk was stalking a squirrel on the same tree in the quad. A whole group of people were gathered around and watching as the bird moved from branch to branch, moving slowly after the little critter as it skittered around the sides of the tree, trying its best to stay out of sight. Amy departed and waved to me as I joined Brandon (friend of college) in talking about the bird and wishing it would catch the squirrel.

Sorry, as much as an animal lover as I am, this was better than National Geographic channel. Heck, there must have been thirty-some people just gathered around and waiting for something to happen. A teacher actually came outside with a camera, taking pictures of the bird as it puffed its chest out - which led me to believe the bird was putting one one big show for everyone. It was strangly enchanting to watch this event... surrounded by spectators, waiting for the suspsence to draw to a close.

Eventually, people began to disperse and the bird left the tree after I waited a good thirty or so minutes. Afterwards, I headed home and enjoyed a nice, long nap.

I love college. And I'm going to cut this entry off right here. It's gotten long enough!

Ciao!

Flutter Away

2006-01-08T16:47:00.000-05:00

First things first, I should explain the last entry of mine. No, that wasn't Miriam; yes, it was some other girl. Her name is Michelle and she was a nice acquaintance of mine from the old private school I attended. And, on Wednesday night of last week, I received a phone call from her.

Let me give you a little backstory on Michelle. First of all, like I said, we used to go to school together. Our entire grade consisted of thirty-two individuals, so everyone knew everyone else more or less. I believe I first saw Michelle back in second grade while I was nursing my crush on another girl, Jayme (who currently lives in Chicago). Michelle was always the quiet girl, and never spoke up on any occasion. She always had long, blondish-brown hair, and almost always pulled it back into a pony-tail. She wasn't the most attractive girl in school, being beaten out by many of the other girls in that grade, but she still had a little allure about her. I never really took notice of her until after Jayme left. Next thing you know, I notice a rather tall girl that would always follow others around (in no way was Michelle a leader).

She always seemed nervous but happy when I talked with her back then, and she was very soft-spoken. The whole shy thing was very attractive to me for some reason. She wasn't too shy either - just enough to gain my attention and keep it. Also, I was informed by another girl, Kristen, that she more or less had a bit of a crush on me. Notice that I was in eighth-grade, and was shy like no other still. For this reason, I never really approached her on this mild attraction we both shared. I still regret that, to some extent. The last time I saw and talked to her was at the highschool graduation party, my eighteenth birthday.

On to the call.

Now, I'd given her a call previously because of that dream, and she promptly apologized for not calling sooner. I forgave her and laughed about it, talked to her for a little while before mentioning the reasoning behind my calling her. We both thought it was very weird, but we chuckled later. It turns out that many changes happened while these five years passed.

Instead of staying in Seattle, Kristen and her family moved back to Aiken. Kristen was a very good friend of mine and I got along great with her. I'd say that she was one of the only girls in St. Mary's that I really could chat with on a daily basis every morning. I think daycare together is what linked the two of us really. That and Kristen had a crush on my brother in fourth grade (ha HA! Pinkie-swear). Turns our that she's an English Major as well. So, I need to some how find her number and give that girl a call. We've a lot of catching up to do.

Also, I learned of some troubles between Rachael, another friend of mine, and her family. She was out of college and working because her parents were having issues (something I relate to). If anyone from my past could relate to my current life, whether it be my love of drawing and writing, it would be her. I need to give her a call as well, if only to see how she's holding up.

As for Michelle: She changed a bit as well. It turns out that I was mistaken for thinking she'd gone to USC; instead, she attended Clemson (USC's rival) college, a good hour or two away from where I currently live. Also, her life is going pretty smoothly and I don't know too many details other than that. She was surprised that I joined a different church, and surprised me for knowing what the Latter-Day-Saints were. Also something that surprised me was that she hardly ever went to Church anymore. I had her pinned as a religion loving girl and what not - ah well.

The chat went along fine and we decided that we'd stay in touch here and there. I planned on inviting her out to dinner on Friday, but things fell through and we weren't able to meet up or anything. Currently, I suspect the girl is now somewhere in Clemson right now, getting ready to attend that college of hers.

And... yeah. That's about it.

Also, I've remembered a little thing that chimed in to me recently: I won't do something if a person asks me about it. Take for example the laundry. My mother had been bugging me and bugging me and bugging me about doing it. Everytime she did it, I was more and more reluctant to ever get it done. Yesterday, when she wasn't awake, I did it because I saw it there. That's the thing - I'll be more likely to do something when people aren't nagging my butt off to get it done. This holds true for just about everything I do. I HATE IT when people start nagging at me to do something like get a job, get good grades, or to get a girlfriend. Especially the last one.

Unless you've been under a rock for the past few months, you've noticed that my post generally have something mentioning girls in it, whether it be the ones I'm interested in or the details of people nagging at me. "So, James, what about that Vanessa girl? When are you going to ask her out?" "Hmm, I don't know, John. When are you? You've been with just about every girl in this entire ward already." I kid you not that he almost has. But he's not the only person I get it from, and it grinds at me constantly whenever some one mentions the thought of me getting with a girl. I find it irksome that something like that has to be their business.

If I want the world to know, I'll let it know. If I don't give a hoot, then I won't.

That asside... I don't really know what it is with me. I've almost no attraction to any girl in this ward. I loath the thought of being expect to stick with members as well, seeing how that seems to be the only way to get into the Celestial Kingdom. Sure, I'd love to find another girl and all that, but my standards just aren't being met at this time. If they're smart and attractive, then they're seriously lacking in maturity. If they're mature... which basicly none of them are, then they have other flaws. Goodness knows the girls that would catch my fancy at already married. Half my friends online are more mature and fun to be with than the girls in this ward.

And while I'm on the topic of girlfriends and boyfriends, I wondered what the purpose of having one was at this point. Sure, cuddling might be fine and dandy, and all that cutesy little hanging around together 24/7 is fine, but for what purpose. As I see it, guys are just interested in getting with a girl for perverse motives these days. I look at Mike and his girlfriend (who technically isn't with him since she moved to Virginia), and I wonder what the heck the point was between them. All I know is that she made-out with him on the first date and that seemed to clinche the deal. Moments of passion... *sighs*

Where the heck has love gone in this world? I'd really like to see that again in a way that's not perverted by today's disgusting sex-drives. Yeah, I look forward to sexual intercourse just as much as the next guy, but I'm not making that my goal when I find a girl. I'm looking for someone more than a friend, more than a girlfriend, and more than just someone I talk to every once in a while.

I'm looking for the girl that I can fall in love with - the one that can love me as well.

A few moments of temporary passion... I remember being accused for wanting only that at one point. I felt entirely misunderstood when I was attacked by those words, and the pain I felt still lingers with me to this day. Basically, I just plain feel misunderstood all the time. My mind turns one way and the world turns the other. Perhaps I'm misunderstanding the world around me, unable to see the real picture. Whatever the case... the world just seems too foggy for me when it comes to love.

And yeah... called by the Bishop today. I should be receiving the Melchizedek priesthood by the end of the month if the meeting with the Stake-President goes well. Also, I'm a Ward Missionary now.

Go me.

A Smile Crossing my Mind...

2006-01-03T11:47:00.000-05:00

Sedated...

My eyes stared upon the clock, sedated with memories of my life. How many swings had I jumped from? How many times had I kicked up sand in the lot? How many times did the ball bounce to my own beat? All those questions could never be answered, for I did not know them. All I remember is when those times enveloped my entire life, cradling me like a possesive mother. I could not see the light, for she held my face firmly against her bousom. What life passed over my eyes was only temporary...

The test was over.

My eyes woke up, blinking as everyone around me stood up. These figures like shadows as they left the room, and me along with it. I was the very last to leave that room, even after the teacher. She didn't pay any mind to me, for I could not see her face, nor the faces of anyone else in that room. Were they really human? Yes, they had to be. None of them paid me any mind, after all...

I left the room, and the building, and the school, entering into the grand lot. Funny - I don't remember it being that large. However, I stepped into it and watched as everyone was leaving. It was time to go, of this I was most certain. And surely enough, I had to go as well. But no sooner than I stepped out the door, a call came from afar, asking for my assistance.

Her... yes, I recognized her. She was my teacher, but not my teacher. She was calling out to me, asking if I could help her with her broken zipper. The teeth were misaligned. Of course, I'd fixed that problem many times before; I was an expert on zipper-fixing. Without hesitation, I moved over and lowered the zipper to her suit, watching the teeth break apart, then I rose it again, only find the teeth still apart. No... no, it had to be fixed. I pulled it to the very top, then waited. I waited and waited... only for a moment. A quick tug and the zipper fixed for her suit. I received a thanks before turning away and allowing her to leave my presence.

That girl...

My eyes blinked, noticing a young woman walking only a few feet away from me. I couldn't help but stare, as she too was very familiar. I knew who she was... and I felt my heart race as the name passed through my mind... Mi-

Another voice. I turned around and found my friends laughing, waving to me with careless visages. They looked so happy to see me - and they should be. I was happy to see them as well. Those two had strong, powerful faces upon them. I smiled and waved back, allowed them to come up and talk with me. Something about a monster... I wondered about that for a while as they disappeared. What were they really talking about? And why was I in that building now?

Everything was crowded, and everyone was carrying around many trinkets. Was I in a museum? No, it looked more like an airport... so many terminals. I was standing around more people, and only one of them I recognized. How strange... but I didn't mind. He was an acquaintance of mine and I enjoyed his company. We were very much alike, yet entirely different. Everyone could say that... yes everyone did say that. I am me and you are you... But he spoke to me now, and I saw he missed his glasses. His eyes were darker than usual, but it was still him. Yes, he was he. The young man told me of the creature I heard about earlier. I knew this many to have a fantasy life, so I scarcely believed him.

But then... I saw them.

But not just one print of feet. Many - many - many foot prints of different sizes and shapes, and they were all glowing blue. How strange it was that they all led away from me, as if running. No, they were hopping away; I knew enough about science to tell this little fact. Both feet were together, jumping on and on. It was strange... but they kept changing and changing as I followed them, never looking up ahead of me. The ground was very grainy to the touch, but it never changed as I kept running after these feet. When I finally looked up, they disappeared.. Were they really ever there to begin with? I can't remember... Maybe I just imagined that.

Focused eyes...

I trekked back up the long lot, exhausted from my bizarre journey, and sat down against the curve. Everyone was still leaving, and I was almost the last one again. This habit of mine was getting annoying. However... I once again saw that young woman again. She was staring down into her hands with a lost mind. She was rather tall, compared to other girls I knew, and she wasn't the most beautiful girl I've ever seen before either. Still... she had some strange charm about her that I could never get out of my mind. What was it about her, hmm? The last time I saw her was... back then. It wasn't too many years, that I know.

Slowly, I walked over to her and stopped nearby. Not close enough to converse, but not far enough to lay unnoticed. As I stood there, her eyes - those gorgeous brown eyes... - looked up at me. She was stunned, to say the least, to gaze upon me once more. Her smile - that beautiful smile - crept up along her face, making a very shy gesture. I could see the blush upon her cheeks rise as she looked down, still smiling. It'd been a long while since the other girl told me about her feelings, and I was surprised that she felt that way about me at the time too... Ha.. maybe I was just imagining that as well.

It honestly didn't matter. That was in the past, I'm sure of it, and she girl had definately moved on. However, her cheeks said otherwise.

I smiled back and turned away, letting her go where she needed to go. Silently, she disappeared as well, moving down the lot at a slow pace. But... this time, I turned back towards her and looked to where she was going. The hospital? Strange day to ahve an appointment. But, it was convenient, seeing how the medical center was right across the street from us. Down she went, and I followed.

Into the hospital we went, she into the doctor's office, and I waited outside. There was a crowd around, as if they were following my every footsteps. Was I the monster? I hope not... but we're all a little monster, at some point. So, I sat... and sat... and sat... sitting away. It felt like forever, but... I don't recall. All I remember is that those two friends of mine came around again. I looked over at them and greeted with a cheery demeanor. We all stood and walked around the place, moving around the emrgency rooms and the different wards. We talked away about school and about what happened that day, and I asked them how they were doing. John recovered from his recent injury, and Mike's love life was going fine. We all smiled and laughed for some reason. I don't know why but... we were content.

They left the hospital as I waited, sitting around again and watching the children. Everyone was happy...

"You waited for me this whole time?" came the voice of the girl once again, gazing upon me with rosy cheeks. Her light brown hair was pulled back into a pony-tail, as she was accustomed to doing, and she wore a nice, modest dress upon her. Something about her...

"Yeah," I replied quite frankly, standing up and looking into her eyes, "I guess I wanted to, you know?"

"Mmm..." she looked down again, shy as always, and smiled, closing her eyes and folding her hands upon each other.

"I appreciate it, James."

Twas Beauty...

2005-12-31T08:51:00.000-05:00

Mmm! I had a very fun week! For once, I did a lot with my life and I'm happy about it.

While Christmas was a bummer for me, I didn't dislike it entirely. I honestly don't know but I was a bit depressed over Christmas because our family was so utterly seperated. My dad, for example, was all the way in New Jersey, enjoying his Holiday season with his extended family and other 'loved' ones, while mom, John, and I stayed home and did a little bit of nothing. My mom did bake the turkey breast over Christmas Eve, but we ended up eating it around midnight and no one really ate together as a family - this is the problem with a very... self-sufficient family, I suppose.

However, I'll go into a speech about my family some other time.

Christmas day wasn't too bad, though I was seriously bummed that I couldn't stay at Sacrament Meeting's entire Christmas program. As it turns out, mom took the car in for maintnence and we had a rental car. And, according to some silly law, people under twenty-one cannot drive rental cars for insurance reasons. It really bummed out my vacation, to say the least. But, I enjoyed the songs in the program all the way through Silent Night before I headed out and met my mom in the parking lot, then drove on home and waited about a half-hour.

And then I want to church again.

No, not the Mormon church either. I was actually going to the old Roman Catholic church with my mother. Thing is that I spent that Christmas in church earlier that morning all alone, which can be quite damaging for my spirit, what with everyone else being with family and what not. I'm not so sure too many of my friends realize how it can be to go to Church all a alone every week, knowing your family was not members and probably would never join. And I took that in account when I thought of my poor mother, and when I thought of Aunt Lorraine as well. The latter of the two what the 'John' in my mother's life, and I know how awful it can be to live with a person that utterly wicked. Thus, I opted to go to Church with her, which just made her so happy as soon as she heard it.

Merry Christmas, mom.

St. Mary's Church: A congregation consisting of over three-thousand individuals total in this town. One of the largest churchs around, and also one of the most beautiful. For those of you that don't know, Catholic churchs are build with a gothic-style in mind, and tend to be very finely crafted. They're build for beauty, not efficiently, I believe, but they still hold up very well over the years. Needless to say, it was nostalgic for me to enter into that church once more, gazing upon all the stained-glass windows that lined the wall, and looking upon the altar with its gorgeous decorations brought back so many memories of my Catholic times.

Every Wednesday and Sunday, I would be in that church with classmates and family, doing all the motions I memorized doing. Non-members of the Roman Catholic Church may not know this, but there is a very lot of work coming to this church. You need to know the trinity, the gospel motions, the various moves during the mass itself, and when to do what and where while singing what with a prayer of huh. I'd recommend everyone go to a mass at least once, if only to get a workout. There was a very long list of what occurs over the one-hour period of church, and boy... is it ever more complicated than it really seems. However, I didn't do to well in that portion of religion class so I can't give you an entire run-down of the steps.

Hozana in the highest... blessed is he who comes in the name of the looooord... HOZANA in the HIGHEST - Hozana in the hiiiiiii~IIIIIIII~gheeeeest...

There is a lot of congregational activity throughout the mass too. Rather than just sitting around all the time, people stand up in unison, sit in unison, and say prayers all in unison. It's very magical, in a sense. That day, I believe there was around 300+ individuals in church, and everyone would speak in unison to a prayer, with the priest, and so on and so forth. And most of which are led by the coordinator of the mass, who knows when one side sings, or knows when another side sings, or just knows everything that's going on.

And my goodness... St. Mary's has a excellent... excellent... excellent singer when it comes to coordinating the mass. I don't know her name and I wish I did, but she's a beautiful singer who has a wonderful voice in church. Microphone? Nuh uh, buddy, she just slides that down and uses that opera-esque voice of her to ring throughout the entire church. Oh my... if you ever go to St. Mary's on a Sunday, go to hear her sing. It's just gorgeous. I cannot think of a better word to describe it.

Mm... so i was in church with mother-dearest and enjoying the proceedings. I did have to abstain from some of the motions, like the trinity and a few of the "I believe in..."s throughout the session, but it wasn't too bad otherwise. I felt very awkward, and wondered if anyone help a grudge over me going into the Latter-Day-Saints faith. But, fortunately or unfortunately, the Church doesn't exactly have a well-knit community. No one mentioned it because I doubt anyone knew who I was. Ah well... that's life for you. But I did see one or two people I knew, including Peter Henry's mom, and one of my old classmates, Chris Vine.

I was actually very thrilled to see Chris, at least for a small glimpse. It was so strange too because he looked like an adult. I hadn't seen the guy in five years and he truly grew up as a person. his hair is cut down, his fashion was more mature, and he had a bit of hair-loss in the back of his head. I swear I didn't recognize him at first until I seriosuly glanced upon him. It didn't dawn on me really until I recognized his father as well. However, that wasn't the biggest surprise to me. Lo' and behold, his little brother was there too.

OH MY WORD! His little brother, the one that didn't even come up to my wasit when I last saw him, was so much taller than before. It was incredible to see this guy, just a quiet, shy guy at church who skipped out on the wine. I was shocked at how people are able to grow! I mean... these people should have stayed as munchkins forever! It's not right for them to get so big like that. I know it sounds silly, but it is weird to see someone you knew to be so tiny and watching them a few years later as a grown guy. Man-oh-man... it was quite the sight.

And I think he would look at me weird if he ever read this.

But, that was about as eventful as Christmas became. I couldn't go caroling with my friends because - duh - I had no means of getting to North Augusta to join the ward. Well yes ,I had a means, but I couldn't drives that certain means because the means of the law is very much a pain in the butt. C'est la vie...

Oui oui, je parle francais. Comment ca va? Mm? Bien? Oh, comme si comme ca, eh? C'est d'accord. Alors...

Anywho, Monday came by without much happening, but Tuesday was pretty eventful. I was really excited that day because Mike, John, and I were going to the movies to see The Ringer. Not to be confused with The Ring, which is a Japanese Horror flick, but the one staring Johnny Knoxville and a few other names that I can't remember. And I'm sure many people would be worried about the premiss this movie has about rigging the Special Olympics, but I can assure you that it is entirely respectful. If anything, it sheds a very good light on our mentally challenged brethren, and I think it's a great movie. Also, it has many good laughs in it. But, since it is PG-13, it does have the f-word in it once. But the thing is... they could not have tossed it in at a better time. Usually, I'd be cringing at the word, but they just tossed that thing out in just the right spot that had all three of us laughing our butts off into the night. I'm laughing just thinking about it right now! Mmm... but it was a good movie and I'm glad I went to it with friends. Afterwards, we headed over to Walmart and enjoyed some quality shopping for lotions, moisturizers, and furniture.

Yeah, sounds weird, I know. However, we didn't get much done before heading home. John and I talked a little bit on the way, and he seemed to apologize to me once again about pushing women upon me so much. Hmm... it came out of no where, but at least he's trying to show some decency, if that's even the right word. But I think he's an alright guy. He needs to settle down and everything, but he's an alright guy nonetheless.

As for Wednesday... nah, uneventful as well. I just stuck around home all day. Same for Thursday.

However, on Friday, I did the bizarre thing of going to the movies again, though I went with Jowy this time around. Instead of seeing Fun with Dick and Jane, which I heard really wasn't worth the cash (from multiple sources), I decided to go watch King Kong. And for eight bucks, it really wasn't too bad; heck it was even pretty good! Granted the movie was three hours long, I believe the story was most excellent, and that Peter Jackson did a wonderful job expressing the old film in a remastered version. While it didn't get all that many laughs out of us, it was nearly tear jerking at so many points. My only regret was that I hadn't taken a girl to the movies with me instead. I kid you not that I would be having a soaked shoulder by the end of the night. By the nd of the night, we headed home and I enjoyed the thought of having my car back in my possession.

I can finally drive that poor missionaries around again.

Mmm... but yeah, I thought a lot while watching King Kong. It made me think so much about the world, and about people I knew. Such a wonderful picture...

Jingle Bells

2005-12-24T11:58:00.000-05:00

Well, seeing how everyone else is updating their blogs regularly, I figure I might as well make one also.

Let's see... over the past two weeks, I've nearly been blown up, I've shown the newest missionary how insane a driver I am, and I'm fairly free from school at the moment. Hoorah...

I should go out and see a movie today or something. Mm... I honestly don't know what to write in this thing at the moment. My life has been very uneventful for the past week or so, what with me being on vacation and everything. All I've been doing is lounging around the house, doing menial chores here and there, and playing games when I felt like it. I guess that about does it for my home portion of my post. Meh, I'm lacking serious inspiration at the moment. What you're all witnessing is pure free-writing, one of the best tricks a writer can do to practice his style of writing. Generally, the person just keeps writing and writing for however long they feel like going on about, and then some.

So I guess we'll start with school. I didn't get all the grades I wanted this semester, and I was bit disappointed with some of my classes. If I'm ever going to go to BYU, I'm going to have to seriously over-haul a good many of my classes for the next couple of semesters, and even then I don't know what I'll do when problems arise. If it weren't for that school's high standards in grades, I'd already be there, toiling away in vacation. However, that's not the case and I'm stuck here. John, my friend, mentioned that BYU wasn't nearly as cracked up as everyone said it was, and that he wouldn't be able to stand going there for four years. I wondered if he was just saying that because he served on the BYU mission... Oh well, I'm surprised that more of my friends don't go out there. However, I'm sure they have their good reasons. But still, I was to go to BYU for a number of reasons.

My top one would be to be nearer to Miriam. Not sure why, but I still harbor some feelings for that girl. She's a real sweetheart, and I'm sure many can testify to. Also, she's the only girl around that lives to my standards. I figure that if she goes there, then there are pelnty of other girls at BYU that are just as good. Eh, I fear Mia might somehow get married while I'm on my mission, and I won't know about it until I come back. That's life, however, and there's very little I would be able to do about it. I might hold off going on my mission for half a year just to squeeze in another semester of college.

Hmm... everyone's been asking me where I want to go on my Mission. I heard it's a jinx to say where you want to go, so I've forbidden myself from ever mentioning it. Everyone of the missionairies, however, want me to go to Utah so they can all drive me around. Elder Bowns still promised that he'd come anywhere in the Western US to drive me around. I'm going to have to hold him to that deal of his. Also, Elder Taylor, Elder Flitton, Elder Moimai, and ever other Elder has promised to drive me around as well. I guess that'll be a blessing, seeing how I'll need all the rides I can get. Also on my mission, I want to build a workout routine so that I can trim up and come out of the whole ordeal fit and fine. From what I've seen, going on your mission can add a few inches on your waist for some reason. C'est la vie...

Elder Silton... I like the sound of that...

But yikes... short hair again. I had short hair from highschool, and it really didn't look all that great on me. Meh... I was dawning a missionary hair-cut before I even knew what one was. At least I can wear hair-gel!

And I curse my sleeping habits. I can't get any sleep at night for some reason. I've resorted to torturing myself with long afternoons, only to take naps that betray me. I want to be awake during the day again, but I don't see that happening anytime soon. Maybe a good walk to two around the park will do me right.

OH! That's right! I remember that I went on a walk in the park a while ago, some time around four in the morning, and I saw a shooting star in the sky! I saw it streak through the sky, and it was very beautiful. There was this long tail that disappated with the head of the falling star, and it was right near the moon too (visually). I'd almost forgotten that I'd seen it too! It had to be in the west so... yeah. A western falling star. I wonder if anyone else saw it... Also, I think I saw a UFO the previous time I went walking. I don't know whether or not it was real or a figment of my imagination, or perhaps another shooting star, but I felt like I saw something in the sky out of the corner of my eye, and then it disappeared. I was taken aback, to say the least, because it astounded me that such a thing could have occured. Anyone who really knows me knows that I love astronomy and all things related to space (it's why I love physics), and these sort of things really make me think.

Mmm... my free-writing is over, I suppose. *hugs you all* And I'd like to part with you a Christmas story I wrote recently. I hope everyone enjoys it.

~~~

So I sat down by the warm heater, enjoying its blissful eminance as carolers' were chanting outside. Their sweet melodies, their off-key singing, and their cries of "Merry Christmas!" rang in my ears. How sweet like merry candy canes their hearts must be to go door to door, shouting joyous cheer and spreading their love to each individual that hears their tune. None complained about how cold it was, nor did they whine about people who gave little to no thanks to their melodies. Nay, these kind-hearted spirits truly brought joy to the world, if only to their own souls.

And that was enough for me.

I could hear their foot steps sinking into the white sheets, crunching and munching through soft ice. My word, they were coming my way! Dare I open the door to their voices? Would they be frightened of me? Of how I acted and appeared? I certainly hope not... Oh what fun it would be to see their radiant face though! It must be ten times as good to hear them sing face-to-face! Oh but still... No! I'd come out and listen to them! It was Christmas after all!

I quickly stood up on my feet and made tiny steps towards the entrance. My poor furniture was a mess, a reflection of my cleaning habits, but it was home to me. It was awfully dark though - hopefully, the carolers won't mind. But I finally got there; I finally made it to the door. Oh! And their singing was divine!

I had to go out there to meet them! Yes, I most certainly did, especially after all the beautiful chanting they did.

And out into the cold I went, making my way out of my dreary hole, peeking an eye out to see the young mistresses and masters sing. They all were so very tall and bright eyed, like angels from heaven! How small I felt in comparison to them. They wouldn't care about someone so unimportant as me...

And sure enough, they moved on after singing. I felt a little sad to see them go, and that none of them took the time to notice me. Oh well... it was Christmas, and they had many other homes to bring joy to. It was getting cold anyway; best just go back inside.

"Hello there."

A small voice? Where did this come from? Above? Oh look! A little girl's face, radiant with love as she looked at me. She was smiling and in awe, and I wonder why to this very day. Her cheeks were very rosy, and her eyes were as blue as the summer's sky. And she looked everso cute in that jacket of hers, reaching down to her knees with fuzzy fluff on the end. And with her mittened hands, she pulled out something from her pocket, giving it to me. My word! A small crumpet of cookie! I couldn't help but smile at this child and wiggle my nose embarassingly. But... she only smiled back and stood up to join the others, waving to me with her mittened hands.

"Merry Christmas!"

A merry Christmas indeed! I watched them fade away into the snow, disappearing only in sight as I could still hear their voices ringing in the distance. I quickly headed back into my home and scurried over to my heater, cookie in hand. With little nibbles I ate the morsel of food, fully satsified with it's homemade flavor. It's sweetness reminded me of the little girl's face, so cheery and cute.

I felt a yawn come on, and I knew it was time for bed. Perhaps Santa would come to my house this year and depart some presents. I could smile at the thought while curling up in my make-shift bed of hay, staying warm by that heater.

Oh Merry Christmas to everyone, and to all a good night.

Hersey's Kisses

2005-12-13T05:04:00.000-05:00

"Hold that warm feeling inside of you." He said that to me, and I felt awkward when he did. What did that old man in over-alls mean by those words? I thought about that when I was only half my present size, and perhaps half as wise also. The old man had a serious face back then, covered with valleys of wrinkles upon his face, but I can tell now that he was smiling behind that beard of his. How was that man was... to have known and experienced what I now experience. I wish I could thank him for those words he gave me...

~~~

Seeing how I just got done looking over everyone's blogs, I felt it was time I actually get to work on my own. I swear this thing is catching dust these days! But... enough of the introduction, it's time to get down to business.

Since my last post was over a week and a half ago, I suppose I should start on what happened in the meantime. On the Saturday of last week (the 3rd), I was finally promoted to a Dedicated Moderator on a site called Gaiaonline. Why should that be important enough to express on my personal blog? Because it involves a great portion of my online life. I've been on that site for a little over two years, and over that time, I've experienced so many things. I've grown because of it, and perhaps died a little because of it. But never had I encountered something like this! This was a great responsibility that I was charged with, and deal with this new job of mine was more of a challenge than I ever thought I could imagine.

At least it's teaching me a few skills in authority.

Oh, and I forgot to mention this little tidbit of information earlier. The previous Sunday was testimony meeting, and I felt a sudden urge swell up inside of me. I was so nervous too, and I also missed my chance. After Sister Blackwell, Brother Kent, Elder Bowns and Moimae, as well as Mason went up, I stood up and walked to the front of the room. I stood up there and looked out at the crowd.

"Brothers and Sisters... it's been a year and one week since I first received a look at this church..." And from then on out, I felt a lump in my chest. It wasn't nervousness, that's for sure, but I felt something strange deep within me. There was this strong... pushing on my heart. I felt as though I could have cried as I told the story of my entry into this church, how a person very dear to me allowed me to find my way. I told of my many visits, and of the wonderful people that greeted me. I told of the visitor's center in Washington, and how that person never gave up on me. She didn't dare give up on my soul, even when I denied all her teachings, even so much as questioning her own beliefs. Next thing you know, I was talking with Missionaries, and with God, in my very own home. How strange is that? And Atheist to Mormon. The missionaries still laugh about that.

Mmm, and I felt like crying as I stepped down, grinning like an idiot. When I say down, John leaned over and patted me on the shoulder. People all over church came up to me and thanked me for my testimony, complimenting me on my words. I felt so... good when I heard them talk about me in such a way. I felt at home.

Thank you, Miriam Angell Cox, for bringing me here.

But that big news aside, I suppose I should go into more detail with the rest of my life. Finals started for me the other week, and it has been quite stressful. I've done so much studying, writing, and slacking that it's all very harsh for me. But that's what finals week is suppose to be like. My very first one was in Philosophy, which I had mistaken for English. What did that mean?

Well, it meant that I had all my English books and materials instead of the ones I now required. So, like the crafty little devil that I am, I tossed all my books and supplies into the classroom and wrote a note on my desk that read "BE BACK IN THIRTY MINUTES". I kid you not, I really did write that sucker. While dashing down the hall, I noticed Lisa studying by the English department. And yes, I'd have liked to stay and chat, but I had more important things to worry about; namely, obtaining my Philosophy book.

So home I drove, taking the scenic route that I thought would be quicker. However, due to the immense amount of red-lights, it turned out to be more of an annoyance than my ordinary route was. C'est la vie. I ran into the house, grabbed my book and supplies, then ran back to the car and returned to college. And once I got there, I felt like an odd tradition was finally met. I was late for Philosophy class for the umph-teenth time that semester. I was more than certain that Dr. Hopkins expected this. However... she did mistake me for being in a different class. Huh? Well, I manged to sort that out, obtain a blue-book from a friend (many thanks, Greg), and took that sucker of a test. I say I did... mediocre. Wish I did a little better, but I know I passed it.

As I finished, I noticed that Lisa completed her test the same time as mine, but left without me. I felt a bit bummed (not really - I'm rather apathetic like that), and turned my test in. Leaving the room, I looked to my left and noticed that little gothy-girl standing by the wall, gazing upon the bulletin board as if pretending to read it. As I exitted, she quickly turned (as if surprised) and quickly walked up to me.

Yep, I can always count of girls to scheme just as much as I do.

So we talked for a while, nothing all that important really. She congratulated me on the promotion I received, while I retorted with a grunt and explained how much of a pain it can be - a laugh we both shared. I invited her to lunch (no, not a date ;3 ), but she had to finish up a wee story she'd been working on recently. Made her happy to know that I saw the part she'd written up and asked advice about earlier that week, but I couldn't really give much more insight than a few jokes.

Alas, tis my way with women: A comedic trip of me doing my darndest to make them laugh.

After that, I stayed up late and started my unhealthy habit of sleeping all day and staying up all night. It's been torturous with my brother awake all night too! How am I supposed to get to sleep with him playing games all night long? At least he's been kind enough to knock himself out tonight (allowing me time to get on this computer). That reminds me... I still owe him a ice-cream sundae from McDonald's thanks to a promise I made to the missionaries.

They visited me a while ago and we were talking about John while he was sleeping. Next thing you know, the door to his room opens and he yells "Why don't you just shut the [heck] up?!?" And people wonder why I don't particularly like him... Also, this resulted in there being a bit of a hole in the wall of his room. Yeah... he gets very moody, in case you haven't noticed.

Maybe I pick us up some after my exam today.

ANYWHO! Stayed up late that fateful morning, and arose to check up on my exam stuff. Received a pleasant little surprise from a certain someone in the middle of the night, and I felt bad for holding such a harsh, serious tone when I spoke with them. Meh, she knows I don't mean to be mean. But after that, I took the time to get some cramming in for my Physics exam. After a good hour or so of that, I looked at the clock and noticed how late it got. Next thing you know, I was hauling down to college, anxious to get to class on time. Not like it matters during exam week, but it makes for a good impression on my fellow students.

And as for the test... I felt like the teacher was pulling my leg.

The test was just... EASY! I don't know how to explain it but I was just zooming through the answers, knowing they were right. As soon as the essay/short answer questions came up, I jammed on that paper with all my knowledge. I know for a FACT that I got every single one of those questions right. I wanted to go up to the teacher and scold him, saying, "Oh come ON! Make it a little harder than that, buuuhday! Pfft, whatever..." It's probably a good thing that I didn't, but I felt so powerful after I exitted that room. I was tossing my fist in the air and bobbing my head to a silent beat and everything. Oh did I EVER feel good! So good, I called up a special friend of mine and tossed all that good stuff on to her. My apologies for the wake-up call being that early (nah, you know you enjoyed it.)

Mmm! I still feel pretty good about that one.

Anyway, I hung around with the missionaries some more, and eventually went to Brother Basette's house to eat dinner again. We had a great deal of pizza and salad, and Elder Halbert kept trying to make Elder Moimae eat more and more of the former. Seven or eight or so slices later, the big guy was quite stuffed. We all then picked at Elder Bowns and his girlfriend's videos, as well as at Moimae some more. When the Basettes asked which one of the missionaries improved the most in the past four months, everoyne laugh as I rose my hand up. In all honesty, I could be considered a missionary at this point. A bunch of the younger children at church confuse me for one, that's for sure.

But... I do go out with the missionaries more than any other member of this ward. It's strange, but I love doing so. They're my friends and I learn so much from them. I should have no trouble getting used to all the scriptures I'll have to memorize as a Elder.

Elder Silton... it has a nice ring to it, eh?

Then this Sunday came along, which was one of the funnest ones I've had in a while. After Sacrament Meeting, Brother Askew asked if I'd be willing to give a talk next Sunday. I was quite cheerful to accept, and I hope I do my best to enlighten the crowd with my vast wisdom and knowledge! Eh... maybe I'm being too egotistical? ^^; Nah... it's good for me. I'm just good like that.

However, later that evening, I went to FHE to join with the others for special night of Christmas Caroling at University Hospital. Jowy and I talked for a long while about Bitorrents and games, and Donovan joined in to our conversation as well. Apparently, Jowy has used a gun to shoot up a few relic keyboards, and he carried some of the bullets in his pocket. He's an interesting guy, I'll give him that. When we were heading over, Cherish, Mike's girlfriend, hopped over to me and started chatting up a storm. We talked mostly about Mike and how he wasn't there, and what we'd be doing at the hospital. I allowed the fine young lady the front seat, which I regret giving up as soon as I saw the back seat to Jowy's car.

Who has a a styrofoam bowl, fritos, knives, and a perfectly good grapefruit in their backseat? Needless to say, I had to perform a bit of Feng Shui on his car, which basicly involved tossing everything in the seat next to me.

Once we entered the hospital, we all quited down and I talked to one of the newest members, Michael, a marine. He has new member written all over him, seeing how he speaks so greatly about the church, more so than everyone else did at least. Also, he has a few tattoos from his old life, but I don't hold that against him. Quite the contrary - I found it interesting. It's simply another form of art; though I'd never get one myself.

So caroling we did! I was cut into the back group, which Cherish, Michael, and a few others, while Jowy and a few others went with the other group. Next, we headed into the different elevators. And that, my friends, is when the fun really started. We exitted the place and checked over our songs, then entered into our first room. I believe the first song we sang was Silent Night, and all my old thoughts of St. Mary's Christmas singing came back to me. It was rather nostalgic, to say the least.

Afterwards, Cherish and I got into little bouts where the two fo us would pick at each other. It was funny how she was blaming me for starting it when the fault was ENTIRELY hers. We rammed into each other and talked a lot. I can see why Mike likes her so much now. :3 She's very outgoing, a nice trait I should keep in mind for future relationships. After we sang about twenty or so rooms, we all headed downstairs and relaxed in the lobby.

After the next group came along, we all headed to North Augusta's ward and socialized. Cherish was on the phone with Mike while Jowy enjoyed giving her a heart-attack when we entered into the parking lot. I'm pretty sure, based on how loud it was, that just about everyone within a 100 meter radius heard Jowy's turns, which made all of us laugh. Yon was passing out candy to everyone while the rest of us were heading home. Cherish played a mean little trick on me by telling Mike that I gave her a kiss (it was a Hersey's kiss for her to give to Mike!), and I quickly snatched the phone from her. After a lot of laughing about having my knee-caps blown off, I returned the phone and headed home. A good night that wasn't over just yet...

After returning home and clearing out the reports on Gaia, I headed over to Mike's house that evening for some nice, friendly, video gaming fun. I entered his room a newbie to the game, hardly able to get any good shots on either him or his botty teammates. Indeed, I was out-matched for a good round or so. However, I quickly got the hang of the game and started dealing out a healthy portion of whooping on the guy. After finally winning a round, I headed home at midnight and lay around for the next couple hours.

It's strange to think that all that happened but a day or so ago. In all honesty, it felt like it happened at least a week ago. That's what reminiscing does to you, I guess.

Mm... so now I get another chapter of my life to live today... One more exam before I have a well-earned vacation. I should give 'her' a call or two.

... Old man, you taught me a lot with just those words. I wonder... what story led to your wisdom. Did an old, toothless man teach you of the universe as well?

Cherry Tops and Gum Drops

2005-12-01T18:28:00.000-05:00

And I looked into her eyes and saw the world open up unto me. Her smile rose slowly, snaking her arms around my neck and pulling me close. I felt a sense of urgency rising within: regret, warning, and anxiety – all coming forth at once. But… I felt myself lean into her as well. I couldn’t stop myself…

Now that my angst-session is over with, I can get back to a bonified post that details the various events happening over the past seven days of time. Oi! And there are a few bits and pieces, to say the very least.

Thursday, as we all know, was Turkey Day. Yes, yes; it was Thanksgiving, I know. But due to the wonder of the media and advertising, it’s turned into another Hallmark holiday where people only think of – you guessed it – turkey! Of course I cannot complain about such a thing, as it does fill m belly with many treats and goodies that lull me into a slumber rather easily. Mm-hmm, I slept well that night.

Instead of the turkey dinner that I really wanted, my parents and I drove over to Shoney’s, a Southern food-chain, and ate up a gallant meal of ham, sweet potato, turkey bits, and plenty more. Sure, it all came from a buffet, but I’m not one to complain about such trivial matters. I was just happy knowing I ate enough to fill my belly and to prevent me from sampling and food at home for the next week or so. We had very quaint conversations, which were a bit uncomfortable, but the folks and I had our dinner nonetheless, and we were thankful for it.

And yes, my brother didn’t bother to join us. In all honesty, I forget when that young man has even bothered to come out to eat with the rest of his family. The only times he even goes out of the house would be for haircuts, and… that’s about it. I don’t get it and I don’t try to get it. It’s his choice whether he stays home and does nothing with his life, and I have to respect that decision. That doesn’t mean I have to like it, however. And it’s really not my place to say what he should do or shouldn’t do, but you can bet I lecture my father about not providing any form of motivation for his lost son.

He failed to do so with me, and he’s failing to do so with my brother.

Yes, who takes out the trash every day? Me. Who retrieves the mail every day? Me. Who goes out and purchases the groceries when needed? Me. Who is the one that brings all the groceries in? Again – me. I’m glad my parents are placing so much responsibility on me, but they should know that I feel a bit “jipped” when my brother isn’t asked to do anything. It’s like the guy has them wrapped around his finger!

“Oh don’t bother that John fellow. He’s got quite the temper! Dare we arouse that fury, he’ll start cursing under his breath and slam doors. Oh! There’s James! He’s not cranky at all and he doesn’t curse under his breath about us. Let’s send him out to do all the work while Mr. Grouchy-Pants leisurely sits around and plays games.”

Strangely enough, I see the sense in asking me now; not the fairness, but the sense. But, life is not fair and I should get used to it. Never said I was going to like it though.
And on Friday and Saturday, I completed a rigorous act of doing a whole load of jack-squat. Thanksgiving break isn’t called a break for nothing, you know.

But, like the good LDS member that I am, I drove the missionaries around and had them come over for some root beer and Dr. Pepper. Elder Halbert finally met my mother and they got along just fine. We watched a Christmas min-movie that had Jon Stewart in it, and I don’t think it really had a point in it. Though Elder Bowns did a great impression of the guy, beside the fact that the guy never said anything like what Bowns said. I think his version was much funnier though.

Anyway… on Sunday, I attended Church, as usual, and was slightly disheartened that neither Sam nor Rachael was in Gospel Principles, and that Brother Basette wasn’t teaching it either. I love the missionaries and all that, but they cannot teach a good chapter like Brother Basette can. He’s one of my favorite members, along with brother Barnhurst, Brother Adams, and Brother Anderson. Love all of them silly guys. Barnhurst is the Assistance Councilor to the Bishop, and he always welcomes me with a warm conversation. I mentioned him before, so you know this guy is great. Brother Adams was the one who baptized me, and we can always have a good conversation as well. Turns out that he used to be atheist as well, and he says it gave him a good, open-minded view of all churches, much like it did for me. And Brother Anderson… well, he just acts like a good friend would. If I could have more friends like him in m life, I honestly would.

Any – any who~… I’ve that song stuck in my head now. Doot doo - doot doot doo…

Oh, and I have some news about that one Gaia site that concerns me, but I can’t really tell anyone, unfortunately. I promised one of the administrators, Dri, that I wouldn’t. So… I’ll tell you when I can. It’s good though, for me at least.

Mm! Family Home Evening rolled around and I’m beginning to find one girl in particular rather captivating. I believe her name was Kathy, and she’s much different than I thought she’d be. Instead of a complete Southern Bell, she had a much more educated personality. She’s humorous, enjoyable, and she can stand to talk with me – always a good thing. Also, she’s not as stuck up as I thought she would be either. Generally, I think that most good-looking girls are stuck up for some odd reason, and that gives me trouble when I’m trying to talk with them. There’s always this… feeling of judgment. I get that feeling from her sister, Katie, though. She’s better looking, more or less, but I don’t really get a great feeling when I talk with her, which is hardly ever.

Ah well, nothing that I’m going to lose any sleep over.

So I grew this bit of interest for Kathy after making some small talk with her last Tuesday. I think it all started when I commented about the picture she had in her bible, and that helped ease along further conversation. When my stomach made a loud growl, Kathy told me that people on the other side of the table could hear it (and I don’t doubt it for a second). I apologized to her, and we laughed about me taking some Tums or antacid. Oh, and for the record, my stomach just wouldn’t stop growling after that.

James’ Brain: “Hey, I appreciate that you’re trying to help out the big guy with your growling and all, but it worked the first time and I don’t think anymore is needed.

James’ Stomach: “Oh really? Well sorry about that. Hey! How about if I make a fart?”

James’ Brain: “I really don’t think that would help out the situation anymore.”

James’ Stomach: “Oh come on! It’ll provide some comic relief! Girls love that, right?”

James’ Heart: “Hey, this is just me butting in and all but… no, no it doesn’t. Guys find it funny, girls find it gross.”

James’ Brain: “Some girls might have a fetish for it though.”

James’ Heart: “Yes, and we’re trying to avoid those kinds of girls…”

James' Stomach: "Phooey..."

Such an interesting conversation going on within my mind, needless to say.

Monday rolled around and I felt a good, long, restful day approaching me as I came home and rested my tired little body in bed. Unfortunately, the phone rang and it was Elder Bowns. He asked if there was some way to get pictures and videos off a digital camera's memory card directly from the computer. He asked because his camera wouldn't play the sort of card that his girlfriend sent him, and he REALLY wanted to see the videos. Calmly, I told him of a magical device that could play the files on memory cards, and where to go to see them (Wal-Mart). So, we hang up for about five minutes and then he calls me back.

Now, this cat wanted me to come over as fast as I possibly could so that we could go to the store and watch the videos. This bugged me on the account that I was playing Tribes during that time, and we know that bugging me during games is not a good idea... But, seeing how I am "The Man", as the missionaries call me, I figured "What the hey? I'll come along and take you fellas where you desire!" And so off I vroom'ed to the Elders' house, picking up Cobbley and Bowns. Instead of going to Wal-mart, however, we made a trip to a more localized store; Shuttlebug. Good place too. They had the device we were looking for, and they allowed Elder Bowns and Elder Cobbley to view their photos and videos for free.

This brought an idea to my mind as well. When I go on a mission, I'd really like to do that as well. I'd love it if people sent me videos instead of letter and photos and whatever. Sure, I'd like letter and pictures, but I'd adore seeing some videos; mainly because of how close to home it would make me feel. But I should focus more on actually going on my mission right now rather than videos and junk.

Hmm...

Tuesday rolled around and it was entirely exhausting. Besides the English paper, the only other things I attended was Institute, though this time was different. Around four o'clock, I received a phone call from Mike, asking if he could get a right to Institute that night. Apparently, his car's engine was screwed up and he was having issues getting around everywhere. Also, he had a Xbox 360 for me to play when I came over, so naturally I accepted. When arriving, we quickly headed over to his room and played Perfect Dark Zero, one of the release games for the system. I won't lie - the visuals were pretty gorgeous. However, I was having issues with the controls and all; though that didn't stop me from smacking Mike once or twice in the cooperation missions we endured. It was quite the game, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Not as fun as Tribes, mind you, but still pretty good.

Also, Mike was kind enough to give me one of his old scripture-carriers. FINALLY, I had one! (*so happy*)

After chatting long and hard about how school went, we arrived at Institute where I was greeted by Mike's girlfriend, Cherish. Sweet girl and very outgoing; I can see why Mike likes her a lot. We chatted for a bit and surprised Mike with the seconds book to a series that he was reading, and he was all: "You lied!"

Let me explain - In the drive over, Cherish had arrived sooner than us and gave Mike a call on his cell-phone. And I knew it was her because Mike was using a boobee-woobee-bear talk that most boyfriends use when acting silly with their girlfriends. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I am guilty of having used that voice as well, and I am proud of it. But yeah, he was asking her if she'd remember to bring the book or not, and she was playing possum by being all shy and crafty about it. Poor Mike was saying, "Now you know I'll be sad if that book isn't there tonight. You know that, right?"

And voila, we fooled Mike and hardy har - yeah the rest of the Institute meeting was miserable for me. While Mike and Cherish were busy 'hand cuddling', as I like to call it, I was busy listening to Shawn and Katie talk about some junk that really held no interest to me. Also, I was lacking a pen at the time so there was no way for me to take notes on anything that Brother Tuckfield was telling us, and this one girl kept looking over at me, which was really, REALLY creepying me out. Why? I have no attraction for her, and sorry to say, there are plenty of reasons for that.

For one, she doesn't take good care of her body. How can I tell? Well, she's basicly pudgier than I am, and probably weighs more as well. Also, she's about... oh... eight, maybe nine years older than me, which adds to the creepiness factor of my life, and I'd really not like to think anymore on that. She's a nice girl and all, but there are one (or so) too many differences between that I am not into. Yes, sorry. I try to be a nice guy, I honestly do, but I have no idea how I'm supposed to avoid something like that.

Like Mia said about my postings a long while back: "They seem, I don't know, honest for some reason."

You ain't kidding, Sister.

Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday! The big battle royale between the leagures top tow fighters in the world! You can't miss this one folks! If you miss it, you'll be the laughing stock of your town! That's right, the laughing stock! WEDNESDAY WEDNESDAY WEDNESDAY!

Can you tell I feel silly? You know you love it. ^.~

So, Wednesday morning, I arrive at school and I meet Lisa outside. She instantly seems to cheery up as we talk, discussing about school and how our papers went. Also, we chatted a little bit about Gaia and how everything went on there, and how her guild mates were very weird (in my opinion). She took it as a compliment before we chatted onwards and upwards about every little thing that came to our minds, then we had to head up into class. Before doing so, however, I hinted at a little secret I had concerning Gaia, one which I wasn't supposed to tell anyone besides friends such. She guessed at what it was and was floored by the truth.

Hey, you should have seen me when I found out about it. Oo la la, I was crazy.

In philosophy class, the one we shared together, we discussed some of the problems her guild faced, and how there was very little help from outside forces. I shrugged and offered some advice as for who to talk to and how to talk with them. I do love having a vast knowledge of information that holds entirely useless to the real world. But anyway, we got our papers back in the class, and I was as happy as a puppy unwrapped on Christmas. Not the childs getting the puppy, but the little doggie itself with its wagging tail and bright stary eyes.

An 'A'! Yes, a grade 'A' on my paper that I toiled upon for so long, and I was so very satisfied with it too. Dr. Premo-Hopkins expressed how she loved my paper and how wonderfully written it was, which only further send my day into a cheery bliss! Oh, the fun stuff about actually accomplishing a excellent grade on a paper that was fun to write! I almost felt like flaunting the paper to some of my acquaintances in the class who said doing it on Berkeley was a bad idea, mainly because the teacher had written some papers on the man herself. But HA! I showed them what for! HA HA HA! Booyah, grandma, booyah!

Mmm! Ah, and after class, I met with the lovely Lisa once more, and laughed about what she said on her paper. She received an 'A-' for her grade, and then whined how she could have pulled it up if she had at least twenty more minutes worth of time. I poked at her about our time in the library the previous week too.

Lisa: "If I only had twenty more minutes, I could have gotten a better grade."

James: "Eh, Lisa. You DID have twenty minutes, remember?"

Lisa: "Well, I mean I was tired and was just bogged down with other papers and-"

James: "Lisa, you had an extra hour after you finished with the citation."

Lisa: "*huffs and laughs* Okay, okay! Fine, I could have worked on it a little longer."

(I blame my charming good-looks for distracting her.)

We both stepped outside once more, still chatting about various things. We talked about how sick Lisa had been over the past few days, and how hard she had to whine to get her mother to make some home made chicken-noodle soup. Also, one of her friends passed by and talked about jello for a bit, and then the two of us talked about how I couldn't eat Jello anymore after an incident that happened to me during my second grade year.

I won't bore you with the details. Let's just say that, when puked, red jello looks like blood. Enough said, right?

Went to class, survived it, and then headed home. Didn't do much else that that day besides taking the missionaries out again and then hanging around while eating sun flower seens. Hm.

Mmm! And onwards to today's events. Sorry this post is getting very long, but I've been working on it for about two days now and I feel it deserves the honor. Anyway! I actually didn't get any sleep last night either. The missionaries were going to call me around 6 a.m. to go to Gold's Gym with them, but they never did. Sadly, I sat in bed for a good five seconds before an idea popped into my brain.

"Hey James! When's the last time you went to O'dell Weeks?"

James: Well I don't know! When was the last time.

James' Brain: Please just get on with the posting.

Sorry...

So, at 6:05 in the morning, I got dressed and headed over to the park with about 40% of the usual visibility I usually had. Note to self: wipe the wind shield off before leaving next time, especially on very cold days. And yes, it was very... very cold. I don't know why I went walking around the park that early, but my gut told me it was a good idea. And walk I did, discovering something amazing!

When people are in the cold air, walking briskly around a track, they're really friendly. Everytime I passed a person while jogging/walking, they would say good morning to me, and I to them. I don't know why but we were all very friendly to one another, joking about the cold as each of us passed beside the other. I honestly don't know what it was, but I liked it. Unfortnately, my lungs weren't enjoying the chilling air quite so much as I would have wanted to. But, I did go on! I marched and marched until I couldn't march anymore! Eventually, I stopped at 7 a.m. after having walked/jogged three miles. I was loverly.

And well... nothing much to report after that. Life's good. I'm happy. And I'm thinking about asking a certain some one over to visit me after Christmas.

Ciao!

... and all guilt, all pain, and all denial slipped away as our lips touched, releasing a warm feeling over my entire body. I felt my myself smiling against her warm touch, and for a moment... I felt her smile too.

Inside Me

2005-11-25T03:54:00.000-05:00

My Thanksgiving: Fun.

My Family: Pretty good.

The way I feel right now: Not too happy.

No one hurts her. I never want to hear about anyone hurting her. Not physically. Not mentally. I don't want to have her deal with that sort of issue. I don't want her to have to be hurt like that - ever. How dare they? How honestly dare they try and hurt her like that? Huh? Tehy shouldn't even try to mess with her. They shouldn't have even approached her. I've read enough crud to know what happens, and I don't like it one bit.

Do not ever hurt her.

Ugh, I'm sorry that people have to see me like that. I can't help but feel completely and utterly ... I don't know how to explain how I feel. I'm slightly nuts and it's all because of past emotions. I don't know what I'd do if I was there... I don't know what sort of messed up thing I'd have done if I ever met the guy. I honestly don't... and the Lord knows that it wouldn't be any good for me to do it. Maybe I'm the one who needs help, not my brother. Maybe I should...

My conversation on AIM just turned from one of the scariest things I've ever written into one of the craziest things. I honestly feel sorry for DS having to deal with my mood swings and all the bizarre stuff I have to say. Oi... why do I even feel this way? Why oh why oh why... And now I am crying. Why am I crying now? Why have I managed to avoid such a thing in so many weeks now. Ha... the most romantic thing I've ever said about her and she can't hear it. What in the world have I possible come to?

I honestly thought I was over it all. I honestly did.

Sorry for the short entry. It's better that I don't write so much this time.

Hot Shower

2005-11-23T13:28:00.000-05:00

Seeing how I never finished editting my last entry, I figure I might as well write an entirely new entry for what happened over the past few days. I've just been so busy lately that it's ridiculous! Oh well. I'm hoping this Thanksgiving Break will give the proper amount of time to dish out a decent post for everyone to read. I mean... what am I suppose to say to all my loving fans out there? *ego trip*

Anyway, going on to Monday's events. Nothing all that special happened, considering how it looks, but I did get to spend some quality time with Lisa.

The morning came around and I had almost no sleep thanks to that report, but I headed off anyway with my two hours worth of sleep. What surprised me about class that day was the complete lack of students hanging around. Seeing how it was Thanksgiving week and we only had two days, that was somewhat expected. Still, I hung around and put my stuff away, turned in my report, and came back to my seat. Oh, then I'd forgotten to sign that honors pledge we need to put on every single paper we turn in, so up I went again, along with half the class.

You know, I was pretty happy with my paper. I had no problems quoting references, no issues with finding the proper wording, and it exceeded the minimal limit by a vast margin. Mine was, as I said, about Berkeley's outlook on philosophy; namely, his philosophy of perception. I'll go ahead and explain it to you another day though, as I've already done it a number of times already. But after I had it completely turned in, I was halfway to my seat before giving Lisa a small tap on the head. Why I did that - I shall never know.

I don't know why I greet people in strange manners, and usually physically. Take my friend, Jowy, for instance. Whenever I walk up to him, I take my fist and give him a light punch in the stomach. Nothing that would be painful, but just something to make physical contact. He plays along and pretends its a major hit, grunt and bending over, then laughs about it after we chat. And when Brother Tuckfield comes over to shake my hand at every Institute meeting, I stand up, and shake his hand for a good ten seconds, keeping him there and making him laugh about it. Not sure why I extend a hand shake some times either. I just feel that people become too formal with them, and for good reason, and they need to lighten up on it.

Either that or I like making people laugh.

But anyway, Lisa instantly looked up and greeted me as well, making me turn around and look slightly surprised. Again, I don't know why I act so crazy, but I love it nonetheless. So I sit down with the young lady and chat with her for a while, speaking about the paper and relativity. Basicly, a nice, mature conversation involving her using cyan print for her paper and me consoling her by saying, "Hey, at least you didn't use yellow." But, alas, we had to cut our witty remarks off since class started, so I had to wait a good forty or so minutes before joined Lisa once more.

Yes, I could have just sat there with her for the entire class if I wanted to, but I have scheming to do.

We rejoined after class and I walked along with her to the library. I was headed there anyway, so I figured it would give me time to get to know this girl in a more enlightened view. She is fun to hang around, I'll give her that. And off we trodded towards the back of the library, her with her labtop in hand and me with my Calculus book. We chatted about Gaia and such, and I showed her a few articles I had written on the site, then she showed me her guild and invited me it. Ehh... it's sort of a mix between General Discussion and Chatterbox. Not really my cup of tea, but I had nothing better to do. But eventually, we both went to work on our various projects, and I actually helped her out with the Works Cited portion of her paper.

Apparently, she needed my 'expertise' when it came to that section. I'm not too sure what those are, but I'm an English Major, and that translates into me knowing more about it than others. Fortunately, I did.

After about an hours work of talking, she finished her work and we had to depart. Still looking forward to taking her to lunch some day. Then again... I'm discovering more and more fish in the sea lately. Why didn't anyone tell me that socializing with women was this much fun?!?

Good gosh, I'm turning into John. o.-''

Maybe it's because girls actually give me the time of day. High school was a pain in the neck for me when it came to relationships. Never having one during that time - probably a good thing in retrospect - was a damper on my days when I was busy pining over various girls. Jodi Derr, for example, was one in particular that I believe had some sort of feelings for me, and I was just mad about her, but we never really did anything about it. Sure, I could hold some coversations and make a few laugh here and there, but I just couldn't get it out to actually spend quality time with them and make myself presentable.

That and I look about twenty-times hotter now than I ever did back then. Down girls, down! ;3 And, needless to say, I've had quite the boost to my self-esteem. Especially over the past month, for some odd reason. My voice is clearly, my coversations are more mature, and I hold myself well in large crowds of people. Spiffy, no?

Mmm! Where have I gone now? Oh well.

Tuesday! Yes, Tuesday! That's where I was going! Of course, of course. So this Tuesday of mine. Yes indeed! Indeed, this Tuesday... yeah.

Seeing how it was the last day of class for a while, everyone was ready to get their butts out of college and head home for some R&R. However, my day was quite crowded when it came for things to do. After escaping English class, I zoomed home and prepared a bit of lunch for the missionaries.

Yes, I do many activities for them, and these tow in particular, Bowns and Cobbley, are the ones I don't get to chat with too often. Once they arrived, I set out the grill, the non-stick skillet, and whipped up a feast consisting off hotdogs and scambled eggs. Why? Because it's a casual meal that only takes five minutes to prepare, that's why. So we feed the missionaries and the three of us get to talking about the events over the past week. They talked about when Elder Hanks was visiting me when I was Atheist, and we all received a crack from that. For some reason or another, I still laugh about that incident. Then we got into a discussion about my flexibility.

And for those of you that know, I am very flexible. I am sitting Yoga-style as I type this very message out; and even then, it doesn't stop. No one knows exactly how flexible I can be, not even myself.

Tres bizarre, non?

ANYWHO! I try and teach them how to be more flexible (like I even know how), then showed them what I could do consiting of: yoga-sitting, head to my feet sitting butterfly-style, but fets under my armpits, one foot behind my head (I'd have tried for two but I had shoes on), and literally lifting my entire body up and walking around while Yaog-sitting. I can do plenty more than that, but they wanted to try these as well. Sadly... they couldn't even do Yoga-sitting. Ah well... we'll try again next time.

After they left, I prepare myself for a rigorous day of doing nothing for the following hours; and I succeeded! 6:20 rolled around, and it was a Tuesday, so I went over to Institute. Arriving around 6:50, I looked into the parking lot... and stared at how empty it looked.

Now, usually, people don't arrive at Institute until five - ten minutes before it starts. This was at that five minute marker, and only Kathy, Katie, Amara, and Yon (who just arrived as I did) were around. The lights of the building were off, and we all had the same question soaring through our minds: "Did we miss something?" So, we called Chris (the key-holder) and asked where he was. Turns out that he didn't have the key and we were all stranded there. Oh but don't worry! Brother Tuckfield was on the way and surely he had a key to save us from this blinding cold weather. And lo and behold, Lord Tuckfield arrived in a silver chariot, carrying both Vanessa and Audrey with him. The crowd gather before him, awaiting the good news of the keyholder. Then a gasp sounded, indicating that Sir Tuckerton of Fieldsville had his keys on the OTHER chariot of his. Thus, hlaf the women fainted in disbelief, and everyone sorrowed.

So, naturally, we called Jen and she was going to arrive a few moments later with said key. Hoo-rah. I should mention that I was the only one present that wasn't wearing a jacket nor a sweater. Hmm... I blame my masculinity.

There we were, gandering over the Book of Mormon, and I read a little of Omni. Omni was fun, considering that it consisted of about six or so prophets speaking in it. We had a little debate on why they were scrunching so many individuals on one chapter, and it turns out that they ran out of room. If you don't believe me, check out the Chapter of Omni yourself and see what it says in the last few verses.

Also, turns out my tummy growled a lot, allowing Katie and the others around me to hear it clear as day. Hey, at least it opened up a little conversation for me with Mike and Katie, so that's good. The latter of the two showed me the picture of her nieces and nephews that she carried around as a bookmark, and they looked fairly cute. Made me regret not having a bigger family also. The family of mine in South Carolina is the only one around in this entire region. Everyone else is either out west or in the New England area. Never really had a full-blown family reunion. I'll have to try that out some day.

And that about sums it all up for me. I had a fabulous week thus far, and I'm looking forward to this break. See you people later.

... I remember that he loved to sleep on paper bin all day. He was such a cute creature... like a little baby.

Lucidity

2005-11-21T17:57:00.000-05:00

The small creature brushed against my leg, showing affection for me and letting out tiny pleads. His eyes were orange as the sunset, and his fur matched the waves of the water. I couldn't help but smile down upon him and scratch behind his ears, atop his forehead, and upon the base of his tail. How happy he seemed when I pampered him, and how he always runs to the door as soon as I got home. He's an awfully wonderful friend, and I pray he never leaves...

Monday, Monday, Monday... oo la la. Basicly a normal weekend for me, save for a few items of consideration.

Saturday, I stayed home and did nothing. Honestly, I did absolutely nothing productive that day. Wish I'd gone out or called up a friend or two to chat with, or even catch a movie. Yes, that new Harry Potter movie came out, and no I haven't seen it still. Honestly, I'm not a Harry Potter fan in anyway, but I figure I should see it, if only to understand what the heck everyone else is talking about when mentioning the movie.

Maybe I should invite John and Mike this time. The former or the two was rather whiny when he found out I saw Serenity without him. C'est la vie.

Sunday was slightly more eventful. As always, I had church to attend to and made it on time. There, I chatted with the Elders, as per usual, and joked about various topics. Can't help but enjoy those fellows. After Sacrament Meeting, I headed for the door and found John chatting with the Elders, and there was a lovely young lady with them. And I thought to myself, "Hey... she looks rather familiar. Hmmm..." And sure enough, I did know her. It seems that John mentioned me to her before, and she instantly recognized my name. Twas fun seeing Samatha once again, even if we really weren't that close of friends. Also, it was nice seeing her there because I knew she was a very good person and would fit right in.

Unfortunately, she was terribly uncomfortable in her surroundings. When John left her, she became very paranoid and nervous looking. I came over and did my best to distract her from everything, even directing her where everything was (namely, the bathroom). I honestly felt sorry for her when she went into Gospel Principles class also. Turns out that our usual teacher, Brother Bassette, wasn't around that week so the missionaries decided to give the lesson. Their lesson - The first lesson when teachering investigators. Oh and you could tell they were directing it all towards Sam, and I think the seriousness of how they spoke really didn't affect her in the best of ways. In my opinion, one should be introduced to the church in a way that's enjoyable, like how I was. Instead of seeing the missionaries first, I went to the church and had a great time with everyone there. An non-member should be comfortable with what they're being introduced to, rather than having it all pushed into their laps like that.

I'm certainly going to be a different sort of missionary, aren't I?

But other than that, I had a whole new experience in that class; babies! Babies are adorable, in my opinion, though I scarcly think about looking after one at my age. However, Rachael (I mentioned her a while ago) brought forth a toddler she was playing nanny for, and was having a bit of a difficult time trying to keep him still. Eventually, he made his way towards me and I opted to look after the child while my friend took a breather. So, there I sat, holding firm on chairs that little Alec tried to push over, and trying my best to amuse him. When he moved over to the door leading outside, I retrieved his attention long enough to get an 'It's okay' remark from Rachael. And it was, considering that the door required one to push on the handle of it, a bar much to high for this young one. I returned him to Rachael after a while and helped feed him Cheerios, and was surprised how impressionable he was. I would hold out my hand, then he'd put the Cheerio in my palm. Afterwards, I hold the Cheerio up and he copied what I did. It was adorable!

Never knew being a parent would be like that. It reminded me of playing Black and White, where the creature has to be taught a great deal (through reward and punishment) before being able to work his way around anything. Too bad you can't teach children to toss giant balls of water. Note to self: Get married and have kids some day.

Yes, I like planning ahead. So sue me.

The rest of the day was spent working on my philosophy paper, which I managed to complete without too much of a hassle. George Berkeley was an interesting fellow, to say the least, and had a very 'sensible' outlook on life. I think it would do people some good to actually look him up and study a few things. If not... ah well. There's always Nietzsche for all the rest of you out there; though now that I think about it, the people that read my blog (if any) probably wouldn't like his philosophy too much. And if they did, I'd suggest they keep a VERY open mind about him. I think I used to follow his philosophy, and I think people would have a better understanding about Atheism if they read his work as well.

Is it weird that I'm more than happy to defend Catholicism, Mormonism (or LDS-ism), and Atheism? That's like three conflicting belief-systems all wrapped up in one mind. The thing is that I was all three of those in my life time, and that gives me a better understanding about how each individual of those faiths (or lack of) believes and doesn't believe. I find conflict in all of them, yet I truly believe that the people are not all wicked and cruel as people make them out to be. I'm actually saddened that I didn't take this Philosophy class before Miriam's grandmother spoke on how awful Atheists are.

"They think it's alright to kill some one." she said.

"Uh... no. There's a little something called 'ethnic law' that people follow," is what I'd have like to have said.

I still believe that religion isn't the source of morality for human-kind. It's a good guide, by people make morals for themselves. If you think it's alright to kill someone, then you are messed up in the head or you have misinterpretted some definition somewhere. Which leads me back to the children of the world. They should be taught proper morals by the family rather than by some stranger. To me, that's one of the best ways you can teach a child. Think about it... a child trusts a parent with his or her life, and it's that parent's obligation to set the kid straight. If that child grows up to be a mass-murdering psycho, then, like I said, he/she is messed up in the head or they misinterpretted something. Don't blame it on games, movies, TV, or what ever. It's the duty of the parents to regulate what that child is exposed to until they are at a mature enough age to decide for themselves. If little Timmy is found watching some adult channel on the television, whose fault is it that those channels were not blocked out? If little Susie is found stabbing her doll, whose fault is it that no one was around to tell her to stop?

I think you know what I'm talking about.

Ah... philosophy was very fun.

Dripping Faucet

2005-11-19T14:01:00.000-05:00

She's an adorable creature, I'll give her that. Since as long as I can remember, she has never truly made me mad. Upset, of course, but I could never hate her. But... she has that effect on everyone. And now here she was again, sleeping with her head in my lap. Her hair tickles a bit, but I really don't mind it. With her, nothing truly bothers me anymore. Perhaps that's why I'm so darn content with everything around me. But under here... under these stars...

Oo la la, where have the days gone? Wednesday was rather interesting for me. Besides what I already mentioned, I also figured out what was wrong with my father (medical wise).

After math class, which I was itching to escape from, I headed into the parking lot and looked over towards the hospital across the street. Now, earlier this morning, my father and mother left the house and headed over there for my dad's treatment. I really wasn't too sure as to what he was being treated on, but I knew he was going to have surgery at some point in his lifetime. Turns out that was today. I was in the neighborhood and all so I decided that I might as well visit the big ol' lug and see how everything was going. I mean... I should only be there for a good five minutes right?

EHHN - wrong!

So an hour later, I'm still hanging around with my folks as my dad feasted upon crackers and Mountain Dew. It wasn't too bad either since we were all talking with one another. Mom was her usual clueless self while dad seemed to understand every single thing I said. I don't know whether that man lies about knowing everything or whether he was just trying to look good in front of mom. Not too sure but he always goes, "Mmmhmmm that's right" whenever I say something. Gives me the sense that he admires me or something, like a subordinate agreeing with everything I say.

"Yes, Master James, I completely agree!"

"You're like thiry-five years older than me, you can't possibly agree with everything!"

"Yes, Master James, I completely agree!"

But, on to what dad had. Turns out that there were issues with his testicles and he needed to have a bit of surgery. There was liquid build-up somewhere in his scrotum and he had to have it drained or something. Either that or they had to take something out, not too sure on that one. But anyway, he basicly has to wear a jock-strap for the next week or two so he can support his testicles and needs to make sure it stays nice and clean so as to avoid an infestion. If such an infection occurs, he needs to come back immediately and have the doctors look at it.

Yes, folks, I can safely say that it was, by far, one of the most awkward conversation I ever had to endure. Also, I apologize to all the men in the audience who had to read that. I know it hurts to think about but yeah...

So Thursday was rather boring so I'm not going to say anything about it. Why bother if there's nothing to ellaborate on? I'll tell you why! Because every say in a person's life is very imporatnt. Everyone has a piece of page that their lives are recorded on, and that piece of paper could revolutionize the way in which that person thinks! If you can say ntohing about your days, then you are a sad excuse for a person!

Well... looks like I'm a sad excuse. Bummer, eh?

So Friday comes around and I manage to get to Philosophy class late but on time (strange, I know). We talked about some person or another and how they're related to something or other and how their name looked very German to me. Anyway, this guy is supposed to be the most religious philosopher (recorded) since Augustine's time, but I don't know too much about that. He did, however, have a very interesting life of his, mainly because of his father cursing the Lord. And now before you yell at his pop, understand that he was forever guilt ridden for doing that. So come on... give the guy a bit of slack. And, as usual, he argues with the other philosopher before him and yadda yadda.

So, class ended and I headed over to the library to study up on that Physics quiz I was going to have. After a good hour or so of procrastination, my computer dies (along with all the others near me) and I try to figure it out. What was wrong with my poor baby? The power wasn't working, so maybe it had something to do with the battery... I checked that and it too wasn't working properly. Alas... I had to study for my Physics quiz... from my text book. What has the world has come to!?

Oh, and for those of you who were wondering, I think I made a 9/10 on it. Not what I wanted but I can't complain, right?

Anyway, seeing how it was a Friday, I was looking forward to checking with Lisa in there. Unfortunately, she was no where to be found. How sad I must have appeared to be unable to talk with that pleasant girl that I'd only met and knew very little about (*emotear*). But, my plans were not thwarted so easily. For lo' and behold, I went outside and spent my time just laying around, waiting until class started; there she was. Talking over there, by the H&SS building, with two friends that I did not know. Luck be mine as I thought up a clever plan that required some brilliant maneuvering.

Walk by without seeming to notice them. Simple, but it worked like a charm.

Lisa calls me over and we chat a little bit about Philosophy class and the paper that was due on Monday. Laughs are shared and I mingled into the little group they had there. And yes, it only consisted of Lisa, some asian guy, Porter Smith, and myself.

What? Yes, I know who Porter Smith is. Porter is a good friend of mine from highschool that I hung out with. Also, we see each other everyday and that's very bizarre. Oh, and he's a member of the church. Coincidence? I think not! It's fate that bonds us! Our paths are meant to~

Anyway, on to more pressing topics. Found out that the girl reminds me way too much of my highschool recess-buddies. Most were gothic and humorous, and tended to smoke and curse every so often. Also, they were very outspoken about many topics, good and bad, and weren't afraid to make smart remarks. Hey, I liked them nonetheless. She's a feminist but gladly explained how men and women should be treated equally, which I agree with. Also, she talked about many other topics and such that typically wouldn't come up in an ordinary conversation, which many of my old friends did as well. At least I could enjoy the conversation rather than feeling alienated and uneducated, like sometimes with my firends, so more props to her on that. And I do enjoy how she's a lot more subtle when it comes to one-on-one conversations, and even acts pretty mature.

While it doesn't look like we would become a relationship, I do think we'd do very well as friends. Still, I wanted to invite her out to eat after school the other day, but an extended lab class prevented me from seeing her the rest of the day. C'est la vie... at least I got to know Justin and the rest of the crew from Physics.

After the quiz, Mr. Miller passes out cards to assign us groups. Magicly, I'm not with that one girl's group! I'll explain:

Almost every time I am in lab, I am teamed with that one girl's group. I forget her name so... yeah. But it's the most bizarre thing ever! Out of all the labs we've done, I must have been with her group five times at this point. Take in account that there are people there who have never been in my group before, but this girl is with me five times! Sad too that she knows my name but I can't think of hers for the life of me. Darn my misfortune with names!

Also, I'm usually the only guy in the groups as well. I don't know if you know this but... that's a disadvantage in my opinion. I don't know what it is about me but girls/women have no problem talking about massages, spas, or anything else catering to the needs of females around me. Two weeks ago, they were talking about spas and so on and so forth, then it's about getting their eyebrows plucked and so on and so forth. Being the only guy around, I have very few points in those conversations where I can say: "Oh yeah! Totally! I know what you mean. When I have to have a make-over, I go straight to this guy named Missy! He's fabulous!"

Though I do like giving massages, and I consider myself pretty good at them too! Hmph!

In the lab we obtained some sticks, set them up, and started playing with some marbles. It was a test on probability, and how atoms generally won't hit one another because they're so tiny. So we did this test a few times, all the while chasing after the wooden marbles that rolled down the halls. Not only was this a test of probability, but of flexibility as well. I don't know how many times I leapt down the hall and slide on my pants to retrieve a running marble, but it was quite a few. Also, I got some throwing practice by tossing the marbles back at Justin and nearly smacking his eyes every once in a while. Still, we had a lot of fun at those parts... even if we did have to toss the marbles a good 200 times.

Yeah, we felt sorry for the groups that didn't know about that.

So after that, we did some stuff with radiation and Geiger counters, then headed on home. And here I am now, busily doing nothing on a Saturday afternoon. Maybe I invite some buddies to go watch that new Harry Potter movie or something. I'm not into Harry Potter or anything like that, but people are going to talk about it anyway and I don't feel like being left out of the loop.

Until next time!

... she just seemed like an angel.

Cradled Hearts

2005-11-16T10:56:00.000-05:00

As I stared up upon the dark skies, I saw the twinkling stars illuminating the world. The moon was their king and they, the people, danced around him majesticly, flickering to a silent tune. Watching the party from so far away made me jealous; I too wanted to hear that melody in the sky; to embrace its celestial tone. Oh how fun it must be to be in the court of the cosmos...

Mm! Hey diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle. You know how utterly impossible it is for a cat to play a fiddle? The fact is that cats lack thumbs - an essential tool for fiddle playing - and they couldn't keep a tone nearly as good as humans would. Why? Because their range of hearing is far beyond that of us, and we'd end up getting headaches from the way cats played. So next time you even think about giving a cat a fiddle, pull out some advil and get some cotton balls for your ears.

Tuesday was rather fun for me. I enjoyed a long and eventless day that led me to driving the missionaries around. They called me up and asked if I could come out with them from 3:30 to around... 5:15. And, of course, I'm more than happy to drive these guys around. Turns out that they asked me to come about early because they wanted me to hang around with them and have some fun conversation - which is also something I enjoy. This bond between me and the missionaries just gets stronger and stronger, and I love them to pieces. They go out every day to serve the Lord, and have to deal with cooked meals that aren't always pleasant. It's a miracle all on their own. For that reason, I try to make their lives the best it possibly can be.

That's why I always keep a full stock of root beer at my house!

See, when missionaries, or anyone from the church, come to my house, I offer them root beer. Oh and they know I don't let up on it either. The first time elder Cobbley came to my house, I offered the guy a nice, cold can of A&W; he humbly refused. And then I stared at Elder Bowns, and Elder Bowns stared at me. Both he and I were thinking the same thing. So I look back at the man and say:

"Alright, ya sure you don't want a root beer. Because I mean... the offer's still going to be there, just so you know."

Again, he politely refuses.

"Hey, James," Bowns says, leaning in as he's prone to do, "I'd be more than happy to have a root beer."

"Why of course, Elder Bowns," I respond, standing up and moving around Cobbley, "You most certainly SHALL have a root beer."

By the end of the night, Cobbley was drinking a root beer. I love the missionaries.

But anyway, today was one of the exchanges for them where some of the Elders switch districts. In this case, the Cedar Creek district was on exchange with Elder Bowns and Elder Cobbley. So, I was able to drive around Elder How-Bit (his nickname) and Elder Hanks, who were both very good friends and served in the same district as one another. We were all having a good time as Hanks kept messing with How-Bit, flicking his ear and poking him from the rear seat, all the while How-Bit would evasively dodge the incoming attacks. Then the conversation turns to me.

Now, at one point, I was atheist. Yes, a great curveball to the conversation, I know, but I tell you that to tell you this. Almost a year ago, some missionaries from the Church of Jesus Christ came to visit my brother and I, hoping that our parents were around. They come to the door, my brother lets them in (surprisingly), then kicks my bed to wake me up from my musical trance.

I sit up, look at the missionaries and scratch my head. "Ah, missionaries from some Church, how quaint..." They bore their testimonies and mentioned a few things to me. Unfortunately, they failed to mention a few key words that I would have instantly recognized from what Miriam said. I chastize them not for saying it but believe me when I say this: It could have saved them a whole lot of grief. So when they asked about our faith, my brother is looking down, shrugging his shoulders, and I sit up and proudly exclaim, "I'm atheist, just so you know."

I was one of the only ones they've ever dealt with too.

So they begin asking me all sorts of questions and I happily give my opinion on them: Evolution vs. Creationism, the creation of the universe, my disbelief in a heavenly father, and so on and so forth. Oh, and they were pretty decent explanations as well. By the end of the meeting, the guys really had very little else to say and explained a few of their own beliefs, some of which I agreed to as the time and some of which I didn't. They left with their testimonies and prayers and I happily let them go.

Now ... I tell you that story to tell you this one.

In the car, Elder Hanks asked me how long I've been around Aiken, where as I replied "seventeen years". And then he goes about asking a few other question, and it hits me like a rock. "Oh my word..." And it hits him too. "Hey, James, did we ever visit you before?"

Me: "Yes, yes you have."

Hanks: "... OH MY GOSH!"

And everyone in the car just starts laughing as Hanks explained the whole story all over again. How-Bit got a real kick on it as I kindly corrected Hanks on a few details here and there, and I just laugh about it these days. To think that I was once Atheist and now, about a year later, I was a full-blown member of the Church! Oh how Hanks enjoyed that one. He said he'd use my story in a talk some time about testimonies and such. I gladly permitted such a thing.

And we came home and everyone had an enjoyable time. Love those guys, yes I do.

So, about an hour later, I return home and change into casual clothing, then left for Istitute that night. We talked about Jacob, Chapters 5 - 7, in the book of Mormon. The whole story of the vineyard was very interesting, and I understood its meaning even without looking at the study guide we were given. Conversed with John and the rest as it was all over, then left the place to come home. Ah, but the events of the day weren't over yet.

As we left Institute that night, I drove behind Audrey and John, Mike, Vanessa, and Jessica drove behind me (the latter four all in one car). So we drove along the road, merrily going about our ways as happy as ever, and John comes up beside me. We stop at one stop light, and he gets ahead of me. I eventually catch up with Audrey and am stuck behind her slow-paced driving. One more stop light comes around and Audrey slows down, forcing me too as well. John, on theother hand, goes ahead and speeds up to beat the stoplight (which he does).

Now... unbeknownst to all of us, I have a police car driving behind me. Imagine my surprise when that car comes up from behind me, goes along my side, and speeds past the traffic light as it turns green. Next thing you know, I see some flashing lights and I look over as a certain white car makes a turn into a fast food joint.

"Oh no that isn't," I say, peering through the window and looking at who the unfortunate soul was, "Don't tell me. I think it is -IT IS!" And I just burst out laughing my butt off at what I saw.

John, driving instructor extraordinaire, was pulled over by the cop. I called him up later and he told me it was a warning for speeding, then he tried to argue that he couldn't possibly have gone any faster than Audrey or I. Apparently, he'd forgotten how he managed to make it through the stoplight and how we didn't.

Needless to say, I had quite the eventful Tuesday. The rest of the day shall be left out because my readers already know what happened.

And now we move on to Wednesday. I wake up briskly at 7 am and promptly go back to sleep. Consciousness is regained at 8:30 am, then lost until 8:50 am. It is at that point that I see my mother and father walking around, and my mom talking about the lack of Listerine (mouth wash, for those that don't know). And after that, they talk about going to the hospital today and what may or may not unfold. Surprise for me because I'd just realized that today what the day dad would be going to the hospital. I'm not so sure whether the operation for whatever he's having is today, but I kick myself for not knowing it was today. Funny that John (friend, not brother) asked me about that the other day.

So they left and I soon joined them in the leaving of the apartment. At school, I manage to snag a parking spot in the usual place: the very last row of Parking Lot B. Ugh.. how I hate walking that far. At least it gives me a bit of exercise. So then I walk up behind the Humanities and Social Services building, since that's the fastest way to my class, and I see that girl sitting on the bench outside. I wave and sit down beside her, chatting about how late I was last class and how early I was this time.

Ah, and this girl. I kid you not that she is quite lovely. She's smart, reasonably attractive, and she shares many interests in me. And while she's probably not a Mormon, she does seem to have a nice enough attitude and I've yet to hear her curse. I already mentioned that she dressed mildly like a Goth, but only the typical dark clothing and a few indications here and there. But she was very nice talking with me, sitting there and smiling, holding a cigarette in her hand.

... Yes, folks, I'm as saddened by that fact as I'm sure many of you are as well. It seems that this girl smokes (definately not Mormon). Attractiveness just went down a few points for her and my respect as well.

I've many things against smoking. For one, I've never done so for both personal and moral reasons. Also, there's a certain chemical in them that I am allergic to, so you would never catch me smokign under peer pressure either. Another thing is that both my grandparents on my mother's side died because of the effects of smoking. Yes, smoking doesn't kill you, I can understand that pretty clearly; it's just the effects of smoking that kill off your body and leave you weakened. Sorry folks, no pity for those that know better. And another thing: My dad used to smoke, quit, and still received cancer. And while I don't know if smoking was the true cause of it, the doctors say that it may have contributed to his health problems.

"Don't knock it until you've tried it" is a phrase I've heard many times, but in the case of smoking... I've tried it through the suffering of my family, and I don't like it.

Alas, I'm not one to judge too much about it, and I'd like a friendship with this girl. However, that's as far as it may go if she continues that habit of hers. In a relationship, you need to love every part of a person for it to truly work out. Chris Rock says, "You can't just love the inside of the piece of bread; you need to love the crust and the crumbs as well." A wonderful philosophy, if there ever was one.

Can't say I'm going to entirely give up on this girl though. She may be a smoker, but she has many other qualities that I do like. I honestly just wish I could overlook that one aspect of her but... it's just a very powerful issue in my family. It's probably one of the reasons why my father is in the hospital right now, haivng all sorts of tests done on him.

Sorry that I really got off-track there.

On more humorous notes, I chatted with her still and she asked about what I got on my Philosophy quiz. Due to my tardiness, I hadn't gotten the item back from Monday so I just shrugged and we conversed on. It turns out that some one in the class had turned in a paper with the words "Blank sheet" on it, and there was a little joke about it since one of the philosophers, Locke, had been studied during that time. She mentioned that the person received some extra credit and asked if I was the one that did that.

Oh come on people... you know me by now and you know exactly what happened.

I come into class, on time, might I add, and the teacher asks me to come up and receive my quiz. She then mentioned how they made a little joke about one sheet of blank paper I turned in; the one with the words "Blank Sheet" on it. Under that writing, with red ink, she added "signed, Locke". Unfortunately, the rumor about extra points never came true. Drat...

So, as you can plainly see, my life is filled with more irony than you can shake a stick at. Hey, at least it makes for a pretty good story.

... sitting with the Moon as he stared upon those servants, enjoying their dance while his smile left a glow in clouds that night. How beautiful...

Notes of my Life

2005-11-14T10:57:00.000-05:00

So the weekend went by without much of a hitch. I managed to survive the dance, and have a good time!

Because of the fact thatthe car was unavailable to me at the time, I missed the scavenger hunt (the big thing of the day), but at least I managed to get there in time for dinner. It was mostly breakfast themed since we were presented with scrambled eggs, pancakes, syrup, fruit cups, and other articles of food. I managed to make a breakfast burrito bigger than everyone elses, but because of that, it wouldn't exactly close so it had to be considered a breakfast taco. Ah well, at least it was delicious. I don't know why but syrup goes well on every breakfast item.

I put them on eggs, bacon, sausage, pancakes, et cetera et cetera. You name it and I've glazed it over with a fine layer of maple sap.

Anyway, the ones who actually made it in time for the earlier festivals put on a show for the rest of us that centered around 80s dancing. Jowy's team did rather well, and probably had the funniest one. Clark's team was probably the most amazing of all of them; should the guy try his hand at break dancing, I think he could. Also, in the end, Clark's team won the events because the scavenger hunt involved taking a picture of pets, and he had one with a whole tank of tiny fish. I believe his team received 132 points for that one picture alone.

But anyway, Jowy and I managed to snag our hands upon the Atari 2600 and played a few games for a while. This helped me out in two ways: One - It got me in the mood to dance. Two - It gave me something to do while others danced. It was fun playing on a console that I've never messed with, and the games were fun considering there was very little visual appeal. It just goes to show you that people focused on gameplay more than graphics back them, mainly because they could hardly even get a 3D image made on computers back then. And I actually won most of the games against the guy, so more points for me.

As for the dance itself: I really wasn't into it at the very beginning. As much as I like swaying and wigglign my arms around madly, it's not my thing. But it did give me the chance to talk with John's brother, Christopher, who just came back from his mission a week or two ago. He seemed like a really nice guy and I was surprised how different he was from John; probably was still recovering from missionary-ism. Even Jowy hasn't fully grasped the fact that he's back yet. But after games left me feeling very perky, for lack of a better word, I joined in with Yon (or Jan or however it's spelled) and danced with a number of them when "Shout" was playing. I must say that I liked the Disturbed version of that song better, though it came out almost two decades later.

Sunday's events weren't all that exciting though. I just stayed at home all day, playing World of Warcraft when ever my brother wasn't. I'd play it more often, but if he logs in, I get disconnected, and vice-versa. Chances are that he doesn't even know I'm playing the game (*grin*), so more power to me for beating the system, so to speak. Tribes wasn't much different, though I did have some guy heckle me in-game and people were getting a big pissed off. A friend of mine on there was about to lash out at the guy, but I asked him not to. Reason: I don't want more people getting in trouble than they had to.

The administrators if the Top Guns server finally took action when the guy started slandering one of their clan members names, and he was booted almost immediately. This got to me on the fact that he wasn't booted sooner from harassing everyone else. Just because we're not in the clan doesn't mean we shouldn't have the equal rights on a server. Rules are rules, and everyone has to follow them, even the clan members. So, I had a little heart to heart talk with the guys in observer mode and expressed this two them. It turns out that one of them was going to get at the previous mentioned guy for harassing me, but stopped when I asked my friend to. I explained how their word should go over mine and how I only did what I did so that no one would get into anymore trouble.

While being part of a clan gives you authority, it also gives you responsibility. This aspect holds true for many things in life, whether it be religion, politics, or any organized group.

On to more personal note:
I've been pondering about women more and more so these days. I suppose the intial shock of breaking up has finally faded away. It's just so weird being single now though. No more calls every night, no more expectations of that special some one contacting you throughout the day, no more saying "I love you!" every five minutes. Admittedly, I miss being with a girl, but I also missed the freedom I once held. Oh well, at least I have a bit of a life now a days. I'm enjoying the company of others more and more so these days.

That and I kept thinking about that girl from Friday (no, I'm not going to say her name just yet). There are dozens of girls that are more attractive than she is in this school, even that class. However, she struck me as different from the rest of them. She has a certain appeal to her that I find strangely attractive. Oh well, time will tell. Also, I need to start scheming again thanks to her. Oh dear how I do that so often these days.

Alas, I still can't help but worry about Mia. I don't know or understand what was egging her the other day, but old boyfriend instincts came around and I wanted to help her out with it. Alas, cryptic messages never were easy to decipher, and I can only speculate. C'est la vie.

OH! And a little side-note: Dad came home yesterday. I don't remember if I mentioned this or not, but was gone for about a week and a half to deal with my issues concerning my grandmother. She was placed in a nursing home and now he and my Aunt are figuring out what to do with her property. There was a great deal of peper work that had to be signed between the two of them, and I'm sure that must have been a hassle for him. Oh, and I'm more than sure that him going up there wasn't the only motive of his. To those of you who actually know what I'm talking about: Yeah, speculate all you want. It probably happened.

Oi, is my family a strange one or what?

A dark shroud hides mine sight; open up thine curtains and let me see truth.

All I Can Say

2005-11-11T21:18:00.000-05:00

All I can say is that my life is pretty plain~

Or not. Not sure why but my life's been pretty good lately. I'm much more outgoing, I feel much better about life, and everything is in it's proper place for some odd reason. My week has just been good for me and I don't know why. Huhm...

I don't know why but I'm happy. I had fun with the missionaries when talking with Devin (an aspiring member who'll be baptized soon enough) and school is going alright for me. Speaking of which, I'm doing surprisingly well in Physics class lately. I was a bit disheartened by my average earlier this week, but lately all my tests and quizzes have turned up in either 90's or above. I've no clue why but those half hours worth of studing have been paying off nicely. I'm hoping for a good grade on that test we took yesterday as well.

On to more interesting news: Found a girl that actually goes on to Gaia fairly often. Now, to many of you, this doesn't mean jack-squat. "Why make a bit deal over meeting some one who goes on the same site as you?" one might say. Take in account that this is, more or less, the largest online forum in the world, and not to mention I live in a teeny-tiny little town that no one has ever heard of. Also, Gaia means a lot to me and I consider it a hobby (in comparison to an obsession I used to have) that has helped me out a lot in life. I've grown into a better individual thanks to what I've learned over the past two years on the site. So, much love for Gaia.

Anyway, back to the story: So I'm in the library, diligently studying for a Physics quiz that's going to come about in the next hour or so when I looked back over to Gaia, checking it out and scrolling down the page. All of the sudden I hear this soft voice from beside me talking. My first reaction was ignorance since I don't tend to talk with anyone in the library. After a few seconds, I stop scrolling when she asks which one of the avatars is mine (since that words makes a little 'bing!' noise in my head). A quick glance and I see a young, feminine face peaking out from the other side of wooden wall thing, staring at me and then the screen. Keep in mind that I'm not used to spontaneous conversation, and I took a while to compute everything that was going on at that moment.

So, I pull back and we start chatting about Gaia for a bit. I show her my avatar and I look up hers, which was fairly well off (you won't get it unless you go on the site, trust me). She'd been on the site for almost a year, and I told her how I'd been on for a little over two (two and a day to be exact).

After a while, we went along our ways of studying and what not some more. Of course, being the kind of guy that I am, I couldn't quite get her off of my mind. Remember how I said that I contemplate a lot about women and such? This was happening a that very moment. Ha ha! And that SO was not helping me study! But nevertheless, I felt better and happier. "Some one else who plays on Gaia... hmm." I find it wonderful when two people can connect on a topic and have a fun discussion over something.

Anyway, as she was leaving, I realized that I'd recognized her before. It turns out that she was in my Philosophy class, which, in turn, meant I saw her around three times a week at least. Strange how I didn't recognize her at first, but I suppose that's because I sit in the back and she's in the very front, and the only one with a laptop no less - I considered her the Laptop-Goth-Girl. I mentioned knowing her and she knew me as well - I am the Almost-Late-For-Class-Everyday-Guy. We both had a little laugh about that before talking about college. It turns out that she works on the Broken Ink literary magazine, and she asked if I ever submitted anything into it; Sadly, I hadn't ( trust me, I really wanted to). So yes, this also amazed me that she was interested in the literary arts field. Truely interests me when I find people who have a passion for writing or just art in general. Finally, she left and I felt really good for some odd reason.

Meeting new people and relating with them is quite intriguing.

Anyway, went to class, had a lab about the color spectrum of elements and so on and so forth. A bunch of colorful experiments involving the usage of spectroscopes up to shining elements and seeing what makes them a certain kind. Hydrogen is purple, green, and red, while I believe Zinc was blue, green, and red. Neon was the most beautiful of them all and had more lines on it than I could count. Also, in case you were wondering, the sky is purple. Got to talking about O'Charley's steak house and how cruddy the service there was, and about the many wonders of waiting tables.

After coming home from college, I chill out and reflected upon the day. It'd been nice, relaxing, and I met and talked to a great deal of people. Wonder why life was so grand... and it got even better.

This night, I picked up the Jones kids and took them to church to have a harvest feast for Thanksgiving; this made sense since no one would come on Thanksgiving because of all the great food at home. So, we all scarfed down on chow and I chatted the missionaries up for all they're worth. Elder Bowns and I talked about the movie Saw and how our bishop looked just like the main 'villain'. And, I kid you not when saying this, he really does look like him; Creepy... Afterward, I found the other missionaries looking through Brother Taylor's sketch book, containing a great deal of his drawing.

And might I say... he is one of the best drawers I've ever seen in real life. I kid you not that his style looked fantastic. He was a wonderful artist and could sketch the most beautiful little pictures. And his art wasn't toned down to one mere field; oh no, for this man drew bugs, people, houses, boats - you name it and he could probably draw it. I'd have never guessed that this man was such a drawer. Of course I knew the fact that he was going to school for medical artist (drawing organs, biology, et cetera), but I couldn't imagine him being that gosh darn good. Even his Nazi-Fly-O-DOOM was colored beautifully. And he was so calm and modest about it too, just holding his child on his knee and only looking ever so often when we all explained how great his work was.

Anyway, dinner ended and I took the kids home, headed back, and am now contemplating the Scavenger Hunt that's going to take place tomorrow. Also, I need to find some 80s fashion sites so I can pick out an outfit for it.

Hmm... Going to have a pretty good weekend.

The mind only views what it can comprehend. Earth may be a whole different world that we don't know about.

Buh Dum Bump

2005-11-09T11:55:00.000-05:00

So what's happened in my life for the past few days? The short answer: Not much.

The long answer: My horrible week of pain and suffering ended nicely with all my homework turned in and everything in its place. I've managed to pull through with my sanity intact and my fingers attached, more or less. So here I am, writing about what ever it is that I did for the past week, and somehow... nothing is coming up too easily. I suppose I should just flat out tell everyone that I'm doing just fine. Not angsting, not whining, and not complaining until the next time I read about some junk that I find painful, but,even THAT is slowly going away.

I guess it's time for me to move on and find another relationship. Goodness knows I miss cuddlin' with some beautiful, smart, modest, well-mannered, young woman who could actually stand me. You know who I'm talking about (^_~). Yeah, I'm really not afraid to say it anymore. I don't care what people think when I talk about Miriam (or as I like to call her, Mia!) these days, or the relationship we held with one another. We've had fond memories that I shall always cherish between the two of us, and I appreciate all the time she's spent on me. Still love ya, hun, and probably always will.

Anyway, I'm a bit interested in that Rachael girl that John brought to church a few weeks ago. She regularly attends Gospel Principles and I've talked with her a few times. She's very nice, but I was very worried when I saw her holding a baby in that class on time. My ambitions halted for a while as my mind started conjuring up a plan or two. I've discovered a girl that holds my interest, she lives in Aiken, and she even goes to my college. Not to mention she has some excellent titles to her (I.E. President of the Psycology club, if I'm not mistake). Sure, the girls in the North Augusta Ward are lovely and would probably be worth a relationship, but I find that people from Aiken are more convienient for me. Travelling thirty minutes into another town that I'm not that familiar with just to talk with some one isn't so appealing for me.

Sorry, North Augusta girls, but that's my excuse.

So now I plan on doing one of two things: Coaxing John into giving my Rachael's phone number (might be difficult considering that they didn't have a good experience with one another [for reasons I probably don't know to know]), and then calling her up. Of course, my brain thinks otherwise and says I should be more patient, waiting until Sunday before talking with her face to face. The probability to successfully wooing her with my charm and grace (is it exists) increases when I can look into some one's eyes and make them laugh. Besides, she's probably be weirded out while wondering how I managed to obtain her phone number. At least it would show her that I'm interested!

Why am I tell anyone this? To prove that the mind of a man is much more complicated than most assume it is. People like me plan out things so far in advance, and perfect things as much as we possible can, just to avoid mishaps and mistakes. Then again, this does hold one flaw: pondering consequences.

That's the only downfall to my method of thinking. I'm busy thinking about every outcome so much that I don't do anything about it. It's sad, I know, but I guess that's just the way the cookie crumbles. Also, it makes one much more nervous than they should be about such a topic. I can talk to a girl just fine when I don't know they're coming, but if I'm planning something in my mind with them involved, it can be a pain in the butt to get anything done.

Though one advantage of this: I make for a GREAT chess player. Just asked Miriam. ;3 Yes, you go ahead and move that bishop right there... I don't mind. Oh you're going to move him over there are you? Oh ho ho... two more turns until you're finished, my dear.

I'm quite competitive when I want to be.

In other news: Sunday was quite interesting for me. The fact that I stayed out of the house for oh... thirteen hours was enough for that. I first went to church, was bummed that Rachael wasn't there for me to ask her out (I confessed my evil plans to Elder Bowns on the phone and he laughed about it), and then spend some nice time in the Elder's Quorum. Afterwards, I dropped the missionaries off at their apartment and hung around with them until we needed to leave for another baptism. The difference between this one and all the others was that the one on Sunday was held at the stake center in Evans. This meant I'd be heading out of town with a nice forty minute drive.

We stopped by Elder How-Bit's (Howbard, but we nick-named him) old apartment since he was transferred from there a week before and needed to pick up some stuff, then headed over the Baptism. Turned out that we were about an hour early for it so I was able to attend another Elder's Quorum. Two in one day, how about that? Also, I should mention that I've only been the to stake center once before (at night, no less) so I had no clue on how to get there. Luckily, Elder How-Bit was stationed that for a good six months so he had the entire area down.

The Baptism was held in a VERY crampted room and I still have some chalk left on my blazer from when I was leaning against it. The whole session lasted until around 4:30 and we had to leave so as to get to another meeting that day at Mrs. Phillips' (CRAZY lady but she's fun nonetheless) place.

Heading home, we soon found a poorly made detour in our route and became pleasantly lost. Oh, and I was running VERY low on gas, and had only a small amount fo cash on hand. So, I happily asked the missionaries if they could pitch in and we all managed to find our way home on a reasonable amount of fuel. At Sister Phillips' house, we met with a young lady by the name of Devin (made me think of Saga Frontier) and talked with her about the church. It turns out that she had been at church that day, and also was planning to marry Sister Phillips' son, who was also convieniently named James (who are all these Jameses and where did they come from?). So, in place of the missionaries, I gave and got hugs, then hopped into my car so as to follow them over to Brother Basette's home. Being my Gospel Principles teacher, and a good friend of mine, I happily enjoyed his family of... I think 6 - 8 kids. Not only that, but they were all living under one roof. Now, keep in mind that the largest family I'd witnessed at this point was a tie between Miriam's and Killian's (old friend of mine). Five kids in each family, but all spread apart in ages. These little ones looked like they were all one year apart from each other. I could probably count their ages one by one based solely on height.

I should mention a little about each of them. Mason was the oldest around there and seemed very mature for his age, especially compared to the other boys in the church around his age (seriously, they act like idiots). We was with me on the Mississippi trip, and he's eighteen years of age, meaning he might go on a mission the same time I would. Next came Jordan, who I think is a GREAT guy, even without talking to the guy. He took care of the Basette's youngest child so caringly, and was extremely helpful with the dinner; not to mention he handed out a Book of Mormons over to a girl at his school. Just... a great guy. Then came along the younger sibling who I don't know by name, but I do know that one is fourteen, one has a rat-tail (hair-wise [and soon-to-be-mullet]), and the others are something or other. The youngest of them all was Niva, who was a mentally handicapped two-year old. She didn't really look or act it, but they mentioned it. Still was cute though.

So after dinner, I finally headed home, right? WRONG! I still had one more stop to go! Over to Bishop Graham's house I journeyed, which was an entire block away, to watch the fireside with some of the other Aiken ward people. John was there, Audrey was there, Vanessa was there (duh, she lived there), and some blond girl was there was well. I think she was Jessica but I cannot recall too well on that. Still, we hung around and had some pumpkin pie with other pumpkin treats that were pumpkinrific. Since I'd had a very hearty meal earlier, I opted for a mere doggy-bag.

John, once again, tried to push a girl on me. Really now, I appreciate the guy's help and all but come on. I'd prefer to choose on my own anyhow. Besides, I really don't think Vanessa's my type. She's hardly social and she always has this harsh tone when she talks. It's quite agitating on the nerves to hear her over long periods of time. Ah well, I'd be driven into insanity, but at least she's into some anime.

And yeah... that's about all I have in common with her.

Speaking of which, John picked me up for Institute and had me sit in the back seat with Vanessa once more. I can atest this to two things: John has an overly helpful nature about him, and is trying in the most unhelpful ways. Oh, and the secong reason is that he was sitting up front with Jessica, a rather nice young woman who I enjoyed talked to. But, of course, John was probably trying for her (along with Brittany, Ashley, and every other good-looking girl around). Love the guy but yikes... he needs to settle down; and fast. Though he did apologize to me about all the fuss about women he's been causing for me lately.

At least I know he's not serious half the time he does this to me.

And, as of the present, I have my Spring courses scheduled and registered for. And the good thing this time around is that I have two days off in the week. The bad thing is that I have four classes on Mondays and Wednesday, along with three classes on Fridays. I'm kind of glad that I can have every other day off from school, and it should give me more chances to sleep in/work/study rather than worry whether or not if I'm going to wake up in time for Philosophy class. Now I'm just going to wake up, poor myself a bowl of Corn POPS, and enjoy life.

Gotta' have my Pops.

You look upon the stone and see nothing interesting, while I look and see a tiny universe.

Dashed World

2005-11-07T10:54:00.000-05:00

I wasn't too sure which team I was on at the time, but I did know that I was certainly in a battle. It looked to be some sort of ruined grounds with battered buildings and desolate surroundings. Maybe it was a long desert around us, though I do no recall. The shouting was heavy in the air, combined with gunshots and the sound of metal clashing against metal. I thought I heard someone cry out in pain as they were shot, rolling over and grasping their stomach. I forget whether it was me or one of my team that made the kill. Yes, I was there fighting in the midst of everything, surrounding by nothing other than carnage.

These people, soldiers rather, were decked out in all forms of equipment. There were those manning turrets whiles others held pistols and rifles. I recall weilding a sub-machine gun, but I can not remember how it felt. I know, however, that I was guilty of pulling the trigger against these... foes. And no one of these soldiers was innocent.

There were men, women, and even children fighting. I remember some children without shirts, Caucasian in ethnicity, who had blond hair and bowl-cuts. They looked so clean and pure, but they too were fighting this battle; "Why?" I wondered.

The battle raged on, forcing me to wield a number of weapons and shoot through many unseen soldiers. I say soldiers because I could not describe the people who fought against me. They were like me, I think, and like the rest of us. Everyone of them were fighting for their own purpose in this game. Was it really just a game? Was some one testing us back then? Those are questions I asked later.

Alas, I closed my eyes and the world changed. I'd falled unconscious some how - perhaps a blow to the head - and rose up, witnessing pure panic. People were shouting at me to run as they were gunned down. Had this battle turned so sour in my absence? A quick glance provided no help as I surveyed my surroundings. Everything was a blue to my sights, a fog that would not allow light to reach my eyes. Bodies spun as bullets ripped through their bodies, turning these once lucid comrades into lifeless cadavers. I remember this young woman, dawning military fatigues, yelling as bullets shot against her metal barrier. It looked as though her time would soon be up if she did not escape.

I never did find out what happened to her.

And ran I did. I ran as fast as I possibly could from this enemy, yet I still heard them from behind me; grunting and shouting with senseless words. Others had joined me in this perilous race for our lives. Some of them, my comrades, weilded weapons while others looked to be no more than regular civilians. They were completely helpless against this foe we were now facing. Who was our enemy? Who were we fighting against again? This did not make sense... it wasn't a game anymore. There was no more glory or justice; We just wanted to live!

Even as andrenaline was coursing through our veins, some could not escape these foes. I saw them as I looked back and fired upon their approaching numbers, gaping in awe and terror as they cut-down and butchered people by the dozens. Equipped with poor armor, these beasts were definitely humanoids, though I can not say further from their. Their faces were stained and their teeth lay red with blood. Long locks of black hair bounced as they ran, tossing sweat and other unmentionable liquids with each step. It was if they were zombies, relentless in their pursuit. How horribly they looked... how evil, vicious, and scary.

These were monsters, not men.

We escaped some how and ran into an intact neighborhood. One house in particular held our interest. It was large, well-supplied, and it seemed like a good hiding place from the hordes of beasts that were attacking us. There was a large upstairs area, a ground floor, and a long stairway that decended down to a lower area holding a bathroom and a basement, as well as an additional exit from the building. I was with a number of the survivors and stayed with some of the families that had joined us. We were all fearful of this new menace. These... these things we fought now were not that adversary we were battling with earlier. I am sure of it. I wondered what had happened during that time I was unconscious.

It didn't matter to me anymore. That battle was over with and this war had begun. These new soldiers were merciless, killing off whoever they could get their hands on. All we had to defend ourselves were a few guns and a bunch of scared civilians. No one was prepared to take on this attacking force, and no one was ready for what may happen to us if/when we lost. I certainly did not want to think about it so I avoided the fanatical individuals who were screaming about us all dying. We has to bind them before using calming reason. How dispeakable; tying up our own allies and trying to force some sense into them. It went against my principles of common logic - which, now that I think about it, probably didn't exist anymore at that time.

Some shared these feelings with me and we took the time to enjoy our little entertainment. The television was still intact so we decided to watch that for a while. Nothing good was on - nothing watchable, at least - so one of my new friends was flipping the channels, going through all the static and fuzz. Were we the only ones that were suffering like this? I doubted the idea, though not enough to entirely dismiss it. But, we did what we could to retain our sanity. Some told jokes while others continued to watch television. I listened to both and found myself smiling at times.

And, of course, I could not supress some of my feelings as I looked upon this rag-tag bunch. A middle-aged woman with reddish hair held some high spirits. She was very optimistic and it spread to the rest of us in that sactuary. I liked her because she had this kind aura about her, something that made me feel like I could trust her no matter what. Another was a rather gruff looking man who looked to have been fighting alongside me in the previous battle. While I didn't remember him exactly, I felt that we were brothers in arms; Both of us had been through a sort of heck that no one else in that group could imagine. There were others, but I scarcely remember their faces, except for one.

There was this young lady who has shoulder-length hair, blond in color and a rather pretty face. She was wearing a light-blue t-shirt with some other designs on it (I can't recall those either) and a pair of jeans and sneakers. If I had to make a guess, she would be around my age. She was quite the woman, being modestly dressed and very generous. I grew a bit of feelings for her in that holding of ours, and I talked with her often during our time in that house. I remember that she rested her body against mine when she was tired, even so much as laying her head upon my shoulder for comfort. I, in turn, would sometimes lay my head down on her lap and close my eyes as she pampered me with her touches. With her, I felt a mild sense of sanity returning to my world, as if the entire ordeal was nothing more than a figment of my imagination. Our relationship was nothing more than temporary comfort, but it was greatly appreciated. I lament not knowing her fate either...

Sometimes, throughout the days, we'd find that there were still people walking the streets. A number of them were in groups while others were completely alone. We could not house the majority of them, but we did come out and talk with them every so often. They exclaimed news of the battles happening around the city and gave information on where various skirmishes were held, giving us enough to write them down on our maps. Most of them moved on, while a few were unlucky.

I cannot express the terror we felt when the monsters ran through the streets during the days. Everyone would cower and not a sound was made. A number of times, the enemy would search around the house, and every other house, and sometimes made raids on the insides. We were lucky enough not to be caught and continued with our lives as they passed by. Though, there were those on the streets who fought against these beasts. When this happened, all heck would break loose against them by the opposing force and cries could be heard as we all lay hidden. Those who fought were quickly torn down, literally, and dragged off for unknown reasons. No one rallied against their beasts anymore. Perhaps if everyone that hid in this neighborhood came together, we would have had a standing force to be reckoned with. However, our numbers were no match for the entire opposition, and our own forces could not deal with patrolling parties.

We were gathered with men, women, and children. Only a number of us were experienced with weaponry, and the majority were but scared civilians.

After a recent raid, no one was willing to bend rules. We stopped allowing anyone into our home, and even foregoed going outside to meet with wandering groups. And who could blame us? We were scared, paranoid, and didn't know when the next party was going to come along and search the houses. So, we sat around, hungry and anxious, as groups and people looked around our area for shelter. Many were injured and even dying. But... we were all dying. There was no denying the fact that not a single one of us was in good condition anymore. And only a few of us still held our sanities.

I was one of them.

As I looked out one day, I noticed two familiar characters sitting on the curves. Their faces were resting in their hands while they looked down upon the road. Surprisingly enough, they looked clean and shirtless. One had short blond hair while the other had a bowl-cut. In the first battle, I recalled, they were their fighting alongside me. Yes, they were experienced soldiers who knew what it was like to fire a gun. Their only problems were that they were children, and we had a rule against allowing anyone inside. I tried to coax my gruff-faced comrade into allowing them to join us, even trying to reason with logic. But he spoke against it and restated the rules we set up. But I would not give up and told him that I would risk my own neck to let these tiny veterans into our shelter. To this, he agreed, just as long as I was the only one to go.

I left the group, much to the dismay of the girl with the light blue shirt, and ventured out of the house. I made sure that no one saw where I came from, just in case the enemy was watching, and stealthily made my way across the hot road to the two young men. When they saw me, their faces lit up like a Christmas tree, running over and giving me a hug. I knelt down to them and told them how there was no time for stories and commanded that they come with me. Together, we made it back to the and I sat down with them, joined by the rest of the group. They spoke of how their group had all been killed off and how gruesome it was. Their excuse for being so clean was that they found a water source close by that had not been destroyed yet, and even pillaged from houses for sturdier clothing. Ever since the battle, they'd both been wandering around from group to group, escaping when things were to dicy for them to deal with. Neither knew what happened, but they were not going to go back. It was good to know that were were not the only ones out there still, and even better that people still fought against this horrible foe.

One day, a few of us were listening to some music being played upstairs. We still had power coming into their house, and we were ever grateful for it. I was busy downstairs, checking out the local latrine while reminiscing all that had happened to us over these weeks. My mind ventured to the thought of how this all came to be, and whether those enemies of ours were from that opposing force. I'f heard of people using chemical warfae before, and cases of distorted humans was a known concept to the military, but I didn't think this sort of calamity could possibly happen to us. How silly this was... that we were caught up in a scenario right out of the movies.

It was then that I heard a loud noise from upstairs. People were shouting at people, telling them to turn the music off and to stop making noises. An odd chill rose through my spine as the shouting continued, turning into screams of pure fear and terror. They knew better than to scream when there was danger around - so why were they doing it? I soon heard the sound of gunshots, even loud cursing as rumbling noises echoed down the stairway. The sound of those same sensless grunts and screams rang in my ears as I peaked around the corner, looking back upstairs. There was banging against the door every so often, loud, as if some one was being tossed against it. I turned away and prepared to run as fast as I could.

That is. . . until I heard the door open. As quietly as I could, I stepped into the bathroom, closered the door enough until only a little crack was left open, only a small light shine through, and entered into the bathroom's tub. I closed the curtains quickly and hid, feeling my heart pounding violently in my chest. "Quite!" I thought, thinking it would be heard by 'them'. My hand was over my mouth and I desperately tried to calm my breathing. The steps outside that door became louder and louder, coming down the small hall and off from the stairs. The light was soon blocked from my vision and my heart skipped a beat. I soon came to realize this:

I am going to die...

Things that Make you go 'Buh?'

2005-11-02T10:56:00.000-05:00

Looking back on my other entries of this journal/diary, I find myself thinking "What is the point of writing all that junk down if it doesn't change anything?" Well, for one, it brings me a bit of closure, that's for sure. Wish I didn't have to write with such secretive wording and actually said some of the crud I felt straight out, but alas... I worry that I'll end up making a jack of myself and hurt everyone's feelings.

What I wouldn't do to get some more readers.

In all truth, I only look at a few blogs. I check them out and see if they're worth noting or if anything new has happened. If I see something, I speculate beyond comprehension as to what the possibilities are. In my mind, I'm trying to pull out every single outcome I possibly can, and that ends up hurting myself. It really isn't possibly for half the stuff I think of to go into action. Correction, it is very possibly - I just don't think it would really happen. However, my heart takes the trouble of overthrowing my mind and sending it into a topsy-turvy world. And then it makes the outcome seem logical to my brain, which does its own thing and sends the signals to my various nerve endings. It is then and there that I finally see every single scene play out, and darn if I don't hate that.

But I figure that I shouldn't worry so much, but this feeling comes about almost every day. It doesn't make sense that I, one who has quite the head on his shoulders, could be hurt by something so stupid as emotions. And yeah, I know that some of you are going to argue "Oh James, oh James! Emotions aren't stupid! Emotions are what make us humans and they are totally necessary for our world to exist! You don't want to be all apathetic and careless about the world! You can't control it! That's what makes it fun." To that, I say: "Yeah, well emotions sure do put a number on life." If I could control my emotions, I would. For heaven's sake! I could look at a dead body and show no concern about it. That may just be because I'm a guy, but I see it as a logical explanation. That person died some how and I wasn't involved. Simple as that. I should be able to make a logical sense out of everything, but emotions get in the way and I end up paying for it through angsty moments.

Yes, that arguement could go on and on until the end of time. Fortunately for me, it's my opinion and I like holding to it.

Hardly anything amazes me. Really... if a person if shot from a cannon, flies through a skyscraper, and then lands upon a mat unscathed, I could care less. The fact that I show emotion is based around the presence of others around me. I'll show emotion, whether fake or real, around others to express my thoughts and feelings about a subject. It could be something I have no understanding of what-so-ever, but I'll go ahead and nod my head to them. They may think I know what ever it is they are talking about, but once they ask me a question... well, I answer it in my own fashio - that's another thing I love about myself: I can give my own answers to questions I don't understand at all; and they're right half the time. When I don't answer, or rather talk, it's merely for the sake of etiquette towards others. I don't want to offend some one and make them mad at me, so I'll hardly ever disagree with them. However, in my head I'm going "Ehh... this is moronic."

So here I am, sitting in my own world, listening to some guy talk about his outline to some blond girl laying on the floor. They don't know I'm listening, nor do they care if I am or not. Reason: I don't exist to them. They don't perceive my existance within their conversation; thus, I am segragated from it. If they did care that I was here, they'd look over and ask my thoughts about something. Frankly, if you want some one to be interested in your conversation, you have to ask them about it and get into the groove. And if you're interested, you have to be the one to ask the questions and show that you are fascinated.

I think that is one of the reasons my relationship failed. Ah well, more revelation for me. Oh great, I'm about to go back into angsting, aren't I? I need to stop that junk right now before I make myself out to be more of a fool than I really am. But I do have something that makes me feel that existance is interesting.

George Berkley, a fascinating philosopher. We talked about him in class today and it was one of the greatest discussions ever born. While I actually understood the whole concept he had, others just didn't get it. It's really simple! If you perceive something to exist with your senses, then it exists. If it goes unperceived, then it does not exist to you. This isn't to say that the trees you don't see don't exist or anything, but rather that their existance is unknown to you. Besides, they've already been perceived by some one or something else, so they must exist if they are in the fabric of one's mind and can be perceived once more. Take for example some one you talk to on the internet. You can touch them, taste them, smell them, hear them, and let alone see them. Technically, they don't exist to you. Until you actually see them, touch them, et cetera, they really aren't there for you, even if they do exist.

And yes, I know the person behind the other screen exists, but you really don't know that until you sense them. None of you out there really know that I exist, do you? I mean, the words here only seem to appear every so often for you to read and relate to, but you've never known the author. For all you care, I might just be some abstract entity whose words are merely an expression of your own thoughts and feelings through experiences you held in the past. Wrap you brain around that one without taking some tylenol. However, until you can perceive me, I may as well not exist.

Huh... another revelation for myself. I'm on a roll today, folks.

Still, this little concept goes against the existance of God and all, but that was Berkley's only flaw with his philosophy. Still, one could argue for his conception of God for being the "Infinite Perception." He's perceived everything before anyone else has, and allows for existance to occur without the perception of others. It's why there's gold under that mountain over there, and why there is a center of the earth. It's also why there are billions if not trillions of planets out there that we don't even know about. However, they exist through him. Perception in general exists through him.

Then again, we've never truly perceived him so we don't know if he exists or not for sure. That goes more with faith than it does philosopy. Can't prove and can't disprove and so the arguement goes on and on. Ah well; I have my faith but I also have my philosopy, both are nummy.

For some odd reason... I want cake.

So now what have I accomplished from writing all this right now? I got some more emotional junk off my chest; I've managed to explain a philisophical point of view to everyone that reads; I've some how given a better perspective of who I really am, and that's the way it is.

Enjoy your perceived existance.

If a tree falls down in a forest with no one in it, does it really fall?
Here's a better question: Would there ever really be a tree to begin with?

Twilight Beckons...

2005-11-02T00:11:00.000-05:00

Shadows crawl over my vulnerable body, casting me away into the darkness. I shatter like glass against rock as all my fortitude lay destroyed. Fragments of my mind shine distorted images, false hopes, and treacherous promises. I feel it in my chest, growing stronger and stronger. It won't let me breath. I cannot breath! There is no where to go. Hold my hand, some one. Please, I beg of you. Some one reach out and save me from this fiery end. I cannot feel my body anymore. My eyes have blurred, erasing all truth. It's clinging to my body. It's pulling... pulling too hard. It will rip me to shreds if I can not escape.

Please make it stop. Please take this pain away from me!

Kill me! Kill me, please!

~ ~ ~

If my life were a book, I could safely say that moments like that would surface. Fortunately, I am not the sort of person who resorts to such lunacy. I am much smarter than such ideas could possibly push upon me. It takes a lot for my views to change, and nothing can happen in a mere instant. Weeks, months, possibly years is what it would take to change my thoughts and feeling that hold strong in my mind and heart.

Your dream being taken and tossed asside. I wonder if this is how it is supposed to feel... I wonder. How I wish I didn't know sometimes. How I wish I was blind to everything and never felt this scorching fire in my chest. The world is a dark, dangerous existance. Pain, suffering, agony; the word used does not matter. This life of mine had turned around so many times. I arrive and am content, even happy, but I am greeted with a fire known only by me. How lonely this is... that I feel such emotions. Why should I suffer? . . . I wonder.

~ ~ ~

Heart out of the way, I'm sure some of you (if any) are interested in something that DOESN'T involve me turning into an emotional pile of crud.

After Halloween, I enjoyed a pleasant night watching horror movies. Strangely enough, my brother joined my in this event (a rarity) and showed no hostility towards me nor anyone else. He even asked what was happening when something seemed unclear to him. Of course, I only gave short, concise answers so I wouldn't endure any taunts. Still, I'm somewhat glad that we spent that time together, even if we did stay apart from one another.

Tuesday was uneventful. School seemed to drag on and on while we spoke of Elements and some new story. Home was no different for me, but John (friend) saved the day by taking me to Institute. However, he was unable to take me home afterwards due to what ever reasons - chances are, it has something to do with a girl. Speaking of which, I asked John about Rachael, though he said she had 'issues' or something. Apparently, they dated before and his experience wasn't the best around. Oh well, I suppose I'll still give it a try; at least it gives me something to look forward to on Monday.

Eh, but John did give me some more revelation. He told me that the love I had would never go away entirely, and that I would still care about that person forever. In a sense, I'm glad, though I hate that it'll cause more pain for me in the future. Alas, that's life these days, and there's nothing I can do about it. Trust me, if I could, I'd do everything in my power to change the events in my life. But, due to financial and academic restrictions, I am left here alone.

Oh, and women find me attractive. Unfortunately, I'm in no way attracted to them. This one girl in Institute holds some interest in me (it's very obvious), but she doesn't interest me too much. Not to mention she's twenty-six. Yes, Twenty-six in comparison to my mere nineteen. Also, I'm pretty sure another has some interest in me as well. It was quite funny, a few weeks ago, when Mike brough his new girlfriend to Institute and they ventured off. John, being the humorous chap that he was, mentioned that the girl and I should go look for them together.

- Okay, who here thinks that John is trying to hook me up? Everyone's hands risen? Good, I'm glad we all perceive this. -

Basicly, she blushed quite shyly and stayed silent, waiting upon my answer. After a while, I shrugged and looked back at John, who was going to call Mike and disturb his little 'cuddle time'. Turns out that they were only by the entrance on the inside, talking to a guy whose name I can't recall (I think it started with a A... or an M). Anyway, nothing came out of that.

Oh, and another applause for John as I think he's getting other people to rally after his cause of hooking me up. Chad took the trouble of talking with me and saying how I should ask some of the little nineteen-year-old girls out. His excuse for saying this was because they're not interested with guys around his age (28, I believe). And, of course, the guy managed to introduce me to two sisters, Rose and Amy.

What is with people? I have John poking at me to hook up, I have Mike poking here and there, I have Chad poking, and even my Ex-girlfriend has been doing it!

Back on topic, John asked Vanessa a rather awkward question but wondering if she would go out with my or Jowy (a good friend of mine). She started silent and then said, "No comment." She was blushing quite fiercely too, by the way. At least this gives me some hope in knowing that I'm mildly attrative for women who hardly even know me.

Anyway... on to happier topics.

After Institute today, I road over to Vanessa's house with Jowy and talked with her folks, though not before Jowy took the liberty of tossing their cat on to the roof. I kid you not... he literally grabbed the cat and threw it. Guess the cat liked it as it was nuzzling his shoe when he approached (it wasn't the first time he did it, apparently). Invited in, Bishop Graham and his wife offered us pizza while we were staying, and I talked to the Miss about the Wheel of Time book she was reading, and why she was going to read it by Saturday. In case you didn't know, Robert Jordan (the author) is coming to Charleston on Saturday to sign some books, and Clark's very adamant about going to see him. Might go with him if he lets me, and if a bunch of people aren't already going out there.

Anyway, after the pizza, and after Jowy helped fix the Bishop's labtop, the family offered to have us watch a movie. Oh, it's November 1st, by the way (technically the second now), and Star Ways: Episode Three is out. Being the nut he is, Clark bought it at 3 a.m. So, in his absence, we watched the movie and enjoyed it thoroughly, then headed home after the long day.

And here I am, feeling a little bit better.

Oh how I wish the world was different than it was, and that my feelings did not go unnoticed.

One can not feel joy without first feeling pain.

Happy Halloween

2005-10-31T21:20:00.000-05:00

Perhaps one of the more weirder posts I've made since I currently have a cat's butt in my face as I type. Down Oscar, DOWN! You make more typos than I do! No... no, stop going for the beef jerky. You're not getting any of it. No! ... Okay maybe just a little piece. ... ... ... Aww, so cute. HEY! When you want me to pet you, you do not bit my forearm.

Bah, swelling, need to put some rubbing alcohol on that later.

Anyway, an uneventful day, to say the least. Went to school, came back home, and enjoyed my restful afternoon. Not before attending a Writing Workshop from my very own teacher, of course. This was by far the largest group I'd ever seen in one. It had around... fifty, maybe sixty students attending. I should note that many 101 teachers require their students to attend at least one of these, but I just go for the sake of learning. That and I earned a bit of extra credit from attending (it was my teacher teaching, after all). We talked for a bit and had a laugh or two as I helped sort her papers.

Don't give me that coy look, Oscar. No more pets for you! ... Okay fine, just a little.

Cats are just like women; they crave affection. They're calm, elusive creatures that play games with you all the time. You never know what they're thinking, nor what they plan on doing with you. Of course Oscar only comes for some free food and pampering. That reminds me of taking a girl out on a date - free food and pampering. Also, they just adore attention. Oscar just sits there for a while, staring at the beef jerky, and only stops when I look up at him and give the fella some scratched right behind the cheek, near his neck. Girls like it there to, from my own experience. A massage is adored and appreciated when the comfort levels are balanced.

And yes, I love giving massages too. I give good ones, if I may say so. I suppose it comes from pampering animals whenever I can.

Mm... buh bye Oscar.

Two of the missionaries are transferring this week as well. Sadly, it's Flitton, one of the originals I met, and Kimball, the district leader. They're both wonderful chaps and very experienced. It's safe to say that Elder Bowns and Elder Moimai will need some assistance from their new buddies. I'll be sure to make them feel right at home. I love the missionaries, considering them some of my closest friends around.

Oscar's on the prowl!

Tonight I went to dinner with the folks and ate at a new steak house that opened up. O'Charlies, it was called, and the food was simply... eh, mediocre. The rolls there are wonderful, but only because they're made fresh and laced with butter - a bit too much so. The service wasn't all that great and you could tell that the staff was inexperienced with their work (I'll give them some slack on that simply because they're two weeks old). However, my sirloin steak, which was tiny in size, was awful. I had to choke that thing down after bathing it with steak sauce, which ran out because there was hardly in there to begin with. After taking my fries in, I felt a bit sick and was constantly burying my face in my faces. Needless to say, I desired a return trip home.

Sorry Charlie, but no thanks.

I'm hoping this week will be stress free for me. Last week was heck on Earth, and I'd prefer not to re-live it.

Oh, and I had a revelation about two things: Women and the ability to become gods. The former of the two shall NOT be ellaborated upon because it's personal thoughts, and the latter will come around on a later date. Ciao!

An artist paint with colors. A writers paint with words...

Fear it...

2005-10-30T22:18:00.000-05:00

I have a phobia. A strange phobia of mine. It's been with me ever since I was a child, even since my first inkling of pain. Ever since the first time some one laid hands on me and caused me physical harm.

It stopped me from gaining courage to stand up for myself. It makes me weak in arguements. It turns my world upside down when I rethink situations. It makes me feel a bit pitiful, to be quite honest.

I've felt it all my life, almost every day. I wonder how others would deal with it...

I have a phobia. I fear... hurting other people.

How is that bad? Well, there is an old saying that goes: "You can't make some one happy without harming another."

But some one made me happy today. I was talking with him and when I mentioned the phobia, he gave me a virtual pat on the back and said, "If everyone on Earth were like you... the world would kick[arse]."

It made me feel good. Really good.