Huh, This Exists? Odd.

Current Date: July 5, 2009.

Last post was made: April 12, 2006.

Amazingly enough, I just spent the past two hours looking through all my old entries, and I've a few things to say.

First and foremost, I am a damn good writer. As an aspiring technical and creative writer, my passion dwells deep in the love of language as an artform. Looking back on these passions, I am mystified that I managed to produce such drawn-out expositions and witty dialogue. Really, this entire blog tickled my fancy and I would love to take a few entries and turn them into short stories. It really is a shame that my current Creative Writing class has gotten past the Fiction part of the semester.

Looking back on those years, I am now sure that I wasn't prepared for a relationship as serious as I felt with Miriam. In the end, I spent hundreds of my father's money visiting her in person only to meet one of the biggest disappointments in my life. This isn't to say I'm ungrateful for the time I spent with her. I actually cherish the relationship we shared together and how much I ended up growing out of the whole ordeal. She was the first person I ended up opening to, with mind and body. I ended up loving her, ended up having my heart broken, and ended up growing stronger out of the experience. I don't think I was ready for love at that time, and that was that. Yeah, forty-odd entries all summed up in one nice, neat little paragraph.

If she reads this, I wish Miriam the best of luck with her current marriage.

Religion-wise, I was part of the LDS church for a little while, then I got out of it. As I look back on it, I joined for the wrong reasons, stuck around for the wrong reasons, and put on a false face as far as I can tell. The church wasn't the place for me after a bit of soul-searching and I've decided to fall back upon my previous line of thoughts, which involve a agnostic point of view. If some one were to ask me what I believed in these days, I'd tell them I believe in the possibilities for a god or gods to exist, and I could give them a detailed line of reasoning behind that statement; most of which came from my desire to explain Airez and Ailek's interaction with their worlds.

On the topic of college, I've hit a bit of a rut. I've come to the realization that I don't really know why I'm in college at the moment and I'd like to see more of the world to determine the very reason to continue my education. To elaborate, I'm just not sure what I want out of the education I've getting. My motivation to succeed has not increased at all since high school; I only feel compelled enough to accomplish C's rather than A's or B's. I continue in college just for the sake of being in school, and nothing else. After college, I have no game plan, no specific goals, no desired occupation; no nothing. If I were to obtain my bachelor's degree, it would be so because of my will to finish, which I've been severely lacking lately.

See the dilemma? Yeah, I'm hoping to as well. After I see a bit more of what the world has to offer, I might check back into my college education and finish up my degree, but we'll see. Hopefully, it'll jostle a bit of that initial motivation I used to have when first coming to the university.

We'll see what happens.