Huh, This Exists? Odd.

Current Date: July 5, 2009.

Last post was made: April 12, 2006.

Amazingly enough, I just spent the past two hours looking through all my old entries, and I've a few things to say.

First and foremost, I am a damn good writer. As an aspiring technical and creative writer, my passion dwells deep in the love of language as an artform. Looking back on these passions, I am mystified that I managed to produce such drawn-out expositions and witty dialogue. Really, this entire blog tickled my fancy and I would love to take a few entries and turn them into short stories. It really is a shame that my current Creative Writing class has gotten past the Fiction part of the semester.

Looking back on those years, I am now sure that I wasn't prepared for a relationship as serious as I felt with Miriam. In the end, I spent hundreds of my father's money visiting her in person only to meet one of the biggest disappointments in my life. This isn't to say I'm ungrateful for the time I spent with her. I actually cherish the relationship we shared together and how much I ended up growing out of the whole ordeal. She was the first person I ended up opening to, with mind and body. I ended up loving her, ended up having my heart broken, and ended up growing stronger out of the experience. I don't think I was ready for love at that time, and that was that. Yeah, forty-odd entries all summed up in one nice, neat little paragraph.

If she reads this, I wish Miriam the best of luck with her current marriage.

Religion-wise, I was part of the LDS church for a little while, then I got out of it. As I look back on it, I joined for the wrong reasons, stuck around for the wrong reasons, and put on a false face as far as I can tell. The church wasn't the place for me after a bit of soul-searching and I've decided to fall back upon my previous line of thoughts, which involve a agnostic point of view. If some one were to ask me what I believed in these days, I'd tell them I believe in the possibilities for a god or gods to exist, and I could give them a detailed line of reasoning behind that statement; most of which came from my desire to explain Airez and Ailek's interaction with their worlds.

On the topic of college, I've hit a bit of a rut. I've come to the realization that I don't really know why I'm in college at the moment and I'd like to see more of the world to determine the very reason to continue my education. To elaborate, I'm just not sure what I want out of the education I've getting. My motivation to succeed has not increased at all since high school; I only feel compelled enough to accomplish C's rather than A's or B's. I continue in college just for the sake of being in school, and nothing else. After college, I have no game plan, no specific goals, no desired occupation; no nothing. If I were to obtain my bachelor's degree, it would be so because of my will to finish, which I've been severely lacking lately.

See the dilemma? Yeah, I'm hoping to as well. After I see a bit more of what the world has to offer, I might check back into my college education and finish up my degree, but we'll see. Hopefully, it'll jostle a bit of that initial motivation I used to have when first coming to the university.

We'll see what happens.

Wired

Life is serious business.

I say that because my friends joke about it all the time, and it's true in some respects and flse in some respects. I feel that too many individuals take it too seriously and don't enjoy it as much as they possibly could. I, personally, have been spending a good many days out with friends, chatting with buddies on the phone, and just living however I can. At the same time, I also deal with school, my family, and a love life that is dangling from some very thin threads.

At this point, I've basically memorized the downtown area of Aiken thanks to my buddies. After having discovered the faster route through town to get to college, I pass by the many scenes of Aiken, as well as the various sights one could enjoy here and there. We have the antique shops, the local businesses, and the various eateries that are vastly over-priced. What can you do when you live in a retirement home? I've actually discovered the employment areas of many of my friends as well, which is good to know since I get to talk with them through their work. One such individual would be Mike.

Mike (not to be confused with my friend from church) is a guy I met while attending a hard-rock concert a little whiles back.

Yes, I actually went to a local hardcore rock concert this semester. Sorry to all the "don't listen to bad music!" people out there but I doubt mind-numbing sounds with loud instruments and what not will turn me into a gothic-killer. But what really made this concert special was that a highschool friend of mine was one of the vocalists in the starting band, and I felt it appropiate that I attend this for his sake. After all, what better things did I have to do on a nice Monday night?

Thus, Morgan (college friend) her boyfriend Chris, and I all headed out into Augusta and met up at the little building that would be housing the concert. It was fun because they had an arguement right in front of me while pumping gas, and it's just like a little soap opera when watching from outside the circle of affairs. When you're inside the circle, it's just one long, painful occurence and your entire day is basically ruined from that moment on until some sort of reconciliation or closure occurs. When you're outside of the circle, however, it's just hillarious to witness. But I digress -- We arrived at the shanty building and were greated by a great many highschool kids that you'd typically find at one of these concerts.

It was very bizarre because I kid you not that the stereotypes were certainly there. Most of the people were in highschool, under-aged, and very gothic-esque. However, it was plain to see that most all of them were actually just "emos". Yes, bonified, stereotypical-looking emos. I swear they had the whole long, black hair that covered their eyes, the all black clothing, and the hoodies. Oh my did they all have hoodies in that place. It was like only Morgan and I were the ones without hoodies. But, nevertheless, I put on a happy demeanor and worked my way though the crowd of about twenty-five to thirty individuals. I recognized a few of them, including Kaity from highschool, Eric from highschool, and whatshisname from highschool. I always hung around with Eric and Kaity in highschool during lunch, and I have the latter of the two a good many back massages.

What? I was in highschool and I had my hands on a girl. That was memorable enough for me.

Also, I soon found out why these kids always wore hoodies as well. As soon as Mitch's guitarist strummed one string of his guitar, I believe my ears cried in agony. Next thing you know, I'm listening to a test-rhythm while standing way too close to the speakers with Morgan and Chris. And then the music really started.

Let me tell you something about hardcore rock: It is very loud, somewhat catchy, and you can't understand a single word the vocalist is saying. I tell you that it was amazing that Mitch was able to make those sort of sounds in the first place, but goodness gracious was I ever surprised that such demonic voices could escape his lips. He's one skinny skater-fellow who has a rather quiet, well-to-do voice; however, he came out with the most devilish voice I've every heard from a human being. I spoke to him later about it and he said it takes some getting used to.

Mm, and now for what I thought was initally a joke, only to find it a sad truth. While Mitch was screaming all sorts of blood and murder, one of the only black guys in the join walks up close to the stage and starts "two-stepping". Two-stepping is sort of like a sulking Michael-Jackson like walk where the person is hunched over, waving their arms to their feet for a moment, and sort of... flowing with their steps going one in front of the other, walking without moving. Oh but that wasn't what freaked me out. This crazy guy actually starts thrashing his arms and legs around madly, like some sort of devil possessed his body. And when I saw it, I couldn't help but laugh my rear-end off, looking at Morgan and seeing her laughing as well. Alas, I was mistake to thing this was some sort of satirical joke as some other guys started to do the same thing.

Holy cow... this is what was called "hardcore dancing," and I think it would make babies cry.

Really, it looked so utterly foolish to me. I couldn't imagine that these guy swould be thrashing their hands around, grasping at the air before the singer, and them thrashing some more with their arms and legs, nearly kicking and punching everyone around them. This was some seriously dangerous looking stuff, and I'm sure that more than one person was smacked that night because of some careless 'dancers'.

After two or so bands played, I stepped outside with Morgan and went about trying to regain my hearing. Psychologically speaking, my ears were adapted to the loud music that was blaring at me that entire time, and I needed a good five to ten minutes just to recover from it. But yes, this gave me plenty of time to converse with the emos and Mitch, and then finally meet a gy named Mike, a now very good friend of mine.

Due to the fact that he had epilepsy, he couldn't go in for the last band. I figured I might as well have a nice conversation with this guy since he actually was interested in many things that I was. We chatted about the movie Kungfu Hustle, and even got into Final Fantasy 7. By the end of the night, I got his phone number and we talked every so often during the week. He's a great guy and I enjoy him thoroughly.

Ah yes... so that's one of the many things happening to me. Also, Kitty and I aren't getting along so well. For one, she hates that I'm Mormon. She really hates organized religion in general due to the obligations and what not, but she just really hates Mormons most of all. I say Mormons rather than LDS because I told her I was LDS before Mormon, which she didn't know where one in the same. And thus, she confessed a few bad experiences with some kids around her age of the faith, but I was still quite displeased with her reasoning behind it. Argued some, but really didn't go anywhere fast. Eventually, we just kept going in circles over and over, as well as earning a sour mood.

Also, I've seen little to no trace of her recently, and I got really worried the week before. It turns out that a great deal happened which I really didn't know that much about until she told me on the phone. I could only give my sympathies to her before letting her off the phone. Still, I thought a break between us would be a good idea, if only to refresh the both of us. I believe it's a good idea to take a step back sometimes when it comes to relationships - otherwise, you're going to get sick of one another. So yes, she is on her Spring Break whiel I'm busy working on chool and my social life. I'm hoping this all works out in the end but... I'm beginning to have doubts whether or not this relationship of ours will really go anywhere.

Mmm... I guess that'll be all for now. I have an interesting outlook on Airez and Ailek for my next post.

Our Land

Mmm... people I care about these days are going through so much.

Lisa - Her sister dropped out of school and is currently lounging around the house like a good for nothing. What this means is that she's taking up all of her sister's work, as well as her own. She's been going through a lot of heck lately because of it, and the stress it's putting her through.

Paula - Her grandmother passed away and she was very emotional the day after the funeral. Her mother mentioned how saddened she'd been lately, but it's strange how rarely she showed it to me. Lisa stopped me in the halls and ask about Paula, and mentioned the state she was in. However... when I talked to her, she seemed fine. I wonder what people are hiding from me...

Jeffrey - A friend of mine that I hang around with during lunch: And a cutter. Having some knowledge of what goes through a person's mind, I seriously wondered about him and why he did such things. He mentioned to me about having come home from the doctors with some new pills, and then showed me the marks upon his arm. What pain goes through the mind to bring about the depression of such a caliber... And he seemed perfectly happy too... Again, I wonder how people hide.

Miriam - After breaking one of my resolutions and actually visiting her blog, I found myself aching a bit. Again, some one I loved was in pain, and yet I was ignoring her this whole time. I feel like beating myself for not helping but... what can one do? I should get in contact more often... some time.

Katherine (Kitty) - My Kitty... The poor girl has a very weak immune system, and I've gotten very worried about her state of health. Waking up in the middle of the night, shivering in pain. Having random head aches and chills all the time. This isn't even mentioning the entire week she was coughing up some blood and feeling very frail... Even now, while I'm talking with her, she seems happy and ever so loving to my words. She mentions so many wonderous things for our future... and so many promises and delights to come. I hope ever so much that these are true... and that such fantasies and dreams can come to fruition.

No, this entry really isn't a real one from me. It's 1:30 in the evening for me on my very last night of Spring Break.

I'll put something up... some day.

Origami - Fold the edges of my soul...

Holy cow... one month of completely ignoring this blog. I should be tarred, feathered, and spanked by a man wearing a chicken-suit for such inconsiderate actions. Nevertheless, I feel mildly compelled to actually write something down today, if only to pass the time while I wait for my Psychology quiz to come around.

So in the grand scheme of things, what in the world have I been up to? What sort of things have coaxed me away from so many things I once loved to do? What has kept me so busy these past few weeks that I've neglected to much in the world?

Life - It's a simple as that. I actually have one and I'm quite happy with it.

I've become insanely more social than I've ever been, and I'm doing a great many things with my friends from church, and my newly formed friends from college. It's stupendous and magnificent at the same time, and I love it. I've joined about three clubs, I know many members in each, and I actively participate in two of them. Those three clubs would be the Philosophy club, the Political Science club, and the Anime club. Of the three, surprisingly enough, I attend the Philosophy and Political Science more regularly than anything else. I talk and discuss with the members on a daily basis, and I'm getting a wonderful perspective on life from them. And lo' and behold, my opinion is valued!

As for the Anime club - Well... we watch movies. Not much more than that. I've attended only a few of them this year, and not much more than that. It seems like a good place to relax and watch a free movie for a while, so I go when I feel the desire to do so.

Political Science is a fun club, even though I know little to nothing about the issues, if only because my new favorite teacher, Dr. Millies, attends it every week. He and I have been getting along wonderfully, and I can find myself heading over to his office whenever I desire it, able to just sit around and chat, and actually form a great bond with the man. He's great! Not only is he a fun teacher, but he's an enjoyable friend that I can talk non-stop with. We joke around everyday we meet, and we just get along wonderfully. He's made me very active in his class, coaxing me to answer questions, and he calls me out in front of everyone just out of humor and a good time.

A good example would be on Monday morning of this week:

Now, this morning, I was going to be late for class because I was going to trial for a speeding ticket (yes, it was going to happen eventually [what with the way I drive]) and I had decided to dress up for the occasion. Not only did I want to appease the court with my good looks and a swank suit, but it gave me a very good reason to wear a suit to school that morning. For those of you that know me enough, I love wearing suits. If I had a different suit for every day of the week, you can bet I'd wear it. But I digress...

So I drove to college, fifteen minutes late for my first class (I had given the teacher a notice, don't worry), and the first person I run into would be Amy Hurt. Instantly, her jaw just dropped as she passed by me, shouting, "LOOK AT YOU!!!" Naturally, I laughed and talked for a moment with her, explaining my reasonings. She complimented me on my appearance and we parted ways. This was just the very beginning - Dr. Millies had much bigger plans for me.

Into the class I go, trying to look as inconspicuous as possible, all the while secretly wishing that everyone would look at me. As soon as I put my book bag down upon the floor, I heard my voice called out by my teacher.

"Mr. Silton," said Dr. Millies with a big smile on his face, "Could you please remain standing for a while."

Naturally, I obliged his wishes and stood there, hands folded in front of me.

"Class, I want everyone of you to look at Mr. Silton right now. This man has dressed so facifully for the sake of the political system; not only that, but he has partaken within the system this morning as he went to court, as I was informed." And with a smug look upon his face, he said, "Mr. Silton, could you raise your hand for a moment?"

Of course, I obliged.

"Now class, who here thinks Mr. Silton (yes, he always calls me that) looks better than I do today?"

And with that, a number of hands rose up, though I was still in the minority vote. The hands go down and Dr. Millies looks bewildered upon the group, "Apparently I do, but I must say that I think Mr. Silton looks much better than I do this fine morning."

"Ah, and your vote is more important than everyone elses'." I added with a grin on my face.

He responded with a nod, "Well it's as Abraham Lincoln once said, 'All in favor, say aye' and there was one 'Aye' and six 'Nay's. The aye was his and he finished with, 'The ayes have it.'"

"Well there you go."

It was a very amusing morning for me, to say the least, and it's one of the many episodes that the two of us share, giving amusement to everyone else as well as ourselves. And that's one of the many reasons why I love Political Science clud.

Moving on, we now have Philosophy club to talk about. This club, by far, is my most favorite one of all. I can't stress it enough that people should come to it for the drama alone. I swear that Matthius (Lisa's current boyfriend) gets himself yelled at every single time he voices an opinion. It's not that his opinions are bad or anything, but rather that they're so conservative in nature! He opens himself up for pop-shots and doesn't give a strong enough opinion to pull himself out of the targetting range of everyone else. Lisa and I always joke around that he just never stops talking either, and wouldn't dare hesitate for anyone else's voice to interrupt our own. I've nudged her shoulder many times and made a chopping gesture enough so that both of us are smirking. Not only that but we have Bob, the radical liberal old guy, that gets into a heated debate every single time with Matthius. It's great just to watch the two of them go at it time and time again.

Like I said, come for the drama.

Basically, Bob and Matthius are the two out-spoken ones. The rest of us merely offer generous opinions here and there. However... I'm quickly becoming more and more prevalent with my opinions, and have gotten into an arguement or two already. In fact, I've had the chance to shoot down both Bob and Mattius when arguing, which is a thrilling rush of andrenaline all on its own. One time, Dr Premo-Hopkins (my old philosophy teacher) was egging Matthius on and on about Church vs. State and private schools, and you could tell that Matthius wasn't getting anywhere quickly (as per usual). However, I stepped in and mentioned how off-topic Dr. Hopkins was goingm and this drew her attention to me, asking me exactly what she was asking before. However, unlike my good friend, I had a very solid arguement against her (mainly because I'd attended private school for a good many years and had a lot of experience dealing with them). At this point, Bob interjected me and added something to Dr. Hopkin's arguement, and that was quickly pushed down with my own explanations. These actions alone gained me a lot of respect and recognition amongst the members, I believe.

So yes, debate and drama are what fuel my Philosophic world. That and we have gracious amongst of cookies and soda at each meeting - Who passes up free food, eh?

Mm! Mmm mm mm... not doing as great as I want to in school, but I'm working hard at it. Hoping to at least get one A out of my classes.

Speaking of Lisa, she and I have been having a lot of fun hanging out. Paula (one of her friends I.R.L. and on Gaia) joins us all the time and we go out to see movies together, and other assorted events. Paula insisted she go with me to one of the Political Science movies being shown this semester, and we had a fairly decent time discussing some of the things troubling her. Later that same week, she, Lisa, and I went out and watched "Stranger Calls". It was a horror flick, but it was also slightly cheesy. The only bad thing about it was the audience.

It reminded me of why I hate highschool students these days. Noisy, obnoxious, and disrespectful of all other individuals. Lisa took the liberty of telling the entire crowd to shut up once, but they didn't bother to listen to a word she said.

The movie was based around a young, highschool girl (surprise surprise) who was left at this rich family's home to baby-sit. During the night, however, she was getting many phone calls from assort people, including her friends, her family, and the people she worked for - not to mention the killer. It included the usual teen drama along with built-up scares here and there. It still humors me to this moment that people screamed at the sight of a statue and a cat. Go figure... But, on the plus side, a girl we all wanted to die did die and everyone screamed at the sight of the body. Bunch of pansies if you ask me...

So next thing you know, the killer shows himself and goes on a rampage amongst the girl and the children she was baby-sitting. Sadly, none of them died. However, Lisa and Paula were busy screaming their heads off and the former of the two said, "James! You're not being a good guy right now?"

What the heck?

"You're supposed to be comforting us and making us feel safe and secure!"

Oh-kay. Next thing you know, my arm was over Lisa and patting Paula while I held Lisa's arm to my chest. Hey, no complaints here.

Speaking of girls... ahem... well... I've got another girlfriend now as well.

Everyone: "Well it's about time!"

Yes, I know I know, it's been a long time but I have my reasons for doing so. I'm not going to say those reasons here or anything, but they are good in my mind and I'm glad I held out to meet this person in particular.

Okay, sugar-coating asside: I met her through Gaia. Yes, kick me in the nuts and call me dumb for doing so, but I'm very happy with this. I have my reasons for not being with any of the local girls. For one, I hardly feel any of them fully understand who I am and what I do with my life, nor do I care to challenge their patience to learn. Yes, I might try it some day, but right now I could care less about them.

As for Katherine, my girlfriend, I'm very happy to have met her. Our reasons for meeting up were quite strange, but it was rather nice to converse with her over a long period of time. Eventually, she confessed that she really really REALLY liked me, and we just went from there. It wasn't long before she mentioned that she was in love with me and adored how wonderful of a person I was (her words, not mine folks). Unfortunately... I couldn't find myself to be in love with her so soon. I was still feeling wounds from my past and I didn't feel like jumping the gun so very soon either.

It was then that I started to really learn a lot about this girl. She was smart, beautiful, well-financed, and she was just fun to be with. It was eery how alike the two of us were, and I was amazed at the similarities our lives shared. Eventually, I found myself falling in love all over again. I made sure she knew exactly what love meant to me, and I make very sure that I honestly felt this way before telling her exactly how I felt.

And she cried and cried and cried. I remember the look upon her face as I told her those words, and she was taken aback, rubbing her eyes and smiling widely as she heard me. And I, as well, was smiling back at her, on the edge of tears myself as I saw her. It was stunning experience, and I'm glad I didn't put those words to waste.

Meh, getting a little teary as we speak right now.

Mmm... life has been very generous to me lately, and I'm glad it's going so well. I'm happy... for the first time in a good while, I'm very, very happy...

Bagel Bites

Yes, it's been a while since I've even thought about bothering with a blog entry. In all honesty, there is very little reason for me to do so since basically no one reads this little sucker. But, for the sake of those that might want to glance upon these digital pages, I figure I should at least give some recent update on my life.

For the past two weeks, I've been a bit busy with all things. My duty with the missionaries has been waining since school started, and I'm finding myself more and more restless with each passing day. In a nutshell, school has reawakened me to many of my old habits, including my utter hatred of being bored, my habits of procrastination, and my dislike of being asked to do things by other people.

Let's face it, I need to change a few things in my life. Alas, we'll get down to that some other day.

Of all the classes that I'm taking, American Government is still my favorite one. The teacher's methods are very good, and he keeps the entire class in high-spirits throughout the lesson. Unlike some teachers, he's very into discussions and frequently asked the students many questions. Furthermore, he's a more modern teacher: One who knows a great deal about today's world and focuses his teaching to meet the attention spans of today's youth. Instead of just giving lectures, he has it so that we're all interested in learning what there is to learn. He's gotten it so that his class is the most important one I think of during the day, which is no easy feat mind you. With a quiz every morning, the class is forced to read and study the material, which is a very good method of teaching, if you ask me.

Yes, the man is basicly forcing us to study. If we don't study, then we don't pass the quizes, or the class for that matter. I know it soundsa bit strange, but it does work.

As for the rest of my classes... meh, they're good as well. I still really can't stand the teacher in Sociology, but I'm tolerating his jokes and what not. I really just wish this guy actually had a teaching lesson for class, rather than just going by what he knows when reading the book. Also, I can't help but tease him every single time he says "Okay." Not sure why but I find some bit of humor every single time he blurts it out after a sentence. I do the same things whenever Elder Moemai smacks his lips or whenever Elder Kimball said "Y'know."

Does that make me evil?

But enough about the junk that no one really cares about. I'm sure plenty of people are wondering how I'm coping with life and all its eventfulness. Strangely enough, I've been very social for the past few weeks. Last Saturday, Jowy invited me over to Yon's house for a little movie night, whcih, of course, I gladly accepted.

The two of us headed over and enjoyed some quality time with our friends. While there, I met up with Michael (another recent convert), and we talked about the New Year's party and how he dressed up as a jedi knight. The two of us relate in many ways since we're not so sensitive to graphic matter, and that we understand many concepts about life that I'm sure the other members probably never talk about in open-conversation. The guy's very outgoing, and through him, I am as well. Not sure why, but I can be very social when I'm having a lot of fun.

While there, everyone watched The Italian Job, a movie based around theives and betrayal. Yon made a face as soon as a graphic word was said, and everyone else did so in unison with that since it was a touchy topic. On the other hand, Mike looked over at me and said, "Isn't it funny how everyone gets all shook up over a word like that while the two of us really don't care. I mean, we hear worse things on the street every single day."

I agreed with him, though my thoughts on profanity stay the same. Plain and simple, I prefer not to hear it, and especially not to be a part of it. But, what Mike said did ring true for me: I am a bit desensitized with the world, and I don't freak out over every little detail that comes around my way. When some one mentions a profane word or two, I will usually just shrug it off and say nothing about it. Who am I to tell people what they can and cannot do? It's like forcing some one to believe what they don't want to believe; a concept I am strongly again doing.

That's actually one of the reasons I believe I'll make a good missionary: I won't force anyone to listen to what I have to say. If a person says they don't want to listen to what I have to say, I'll be more than happy to let it pass. The thing is... if you go on speaking on and on about a belief after the person you're talking to says they don't want to listen, that's just badgering the person and giving the belief a bad name. I know that in their minds the people are thinking, "What is with these guys? Do they do this to every single person they come up to? Why are they trying to push me into believing after I told them I wouldn't? What's the deal?" Next thing you know, those people are going to go to work the next day and tell all their buddies about what happened. Eventually, they'll start joking about it and slandering the church's name, unaware of what our true message is.

Of course, I also believe that the missionaries should be doing a better job of explaining against the sterotypes of the church as well. Sadly, people still think "Multiple partners" when they hear the word Mormon, and personally... I find it sad that no one is telling them otherwise when they're face to face.

Alas, I'm hoping to give a better view of LDS-ism to the world through my own methods. I want to make sure people understand what we're about, what we believe, and all there is to know about the Church. I don't want to leave people asking questions.

Mm... but enough about that as well.

Monday had nothing exciting happen, but Tuesday was slightly thrilling. At Institute, I sat with Mike and we chatted for a while after having some pizza (it was a social night), and then listened to Brother Tuckfield discuss with us about the Book of Mormon (we're basicly getting a college class for free). Afterwards, everyone sat down and had some more pizza and what not, but Steve (a member from Augusta) brought in a little snake he found from outside. And while I was fascinated with it, I was afraid the girls would start screaming and squealing.

Actually... I'd have found that very amusing and laughed. *t3h evil*

Contrary to my belief, the girls were actually very interested with the little snake as well. It was a baby gardener snake, just crawling along with his cuteness. No one was afraid of it biting, and no one really minded it being there. We were all just afraid Kathy would drop it and let it roam freely amongst the halls. Who knows what would happen if someone found a snake crawling over the pedestal!

I'd have to go to that Sacrament meeting for sure.

Afterward, Kathy, Kaity, Steve-Oh and I went over to Yon's place once more to take part in some enjoyable games. After listening into a very thought-provoking discussion about women in the church, given by Chad, we all sat down and played some sort of game related to Taboo. Each of us was on a team and one of us would hold the game in hand. The game gave us all a topic to start from, then it would randomly generate a word or phrase. Now, everyone on our team had to guess the phrase/word we had; however, we weren't allowed to say the word itself. Basicly, we had to decribe the word and everyone else would guess, then we'd pass the game to the next person. All the while that this happened, there was a timer that was beeping faster and faster in the background. If the thing buzzed while it was in your hand, the other team gained a point, and vice-versa. It was a whole lot of fun and everyone was really getting into it. I sort of felt sorry for the girl next to me because I was so good at the game and could easily have it guessed and it would always buzz on her. The one time it did buzz on me, everyone laughed and exclaimed "It's about time!".

After the game and such, almost everyone headed home. But, seeing how I had nothing much to do that night, I stuck around and chatted with Yon, James (some other James), Jessica, and some girl whose name I didn't know. Between the five of us, we all decided to talk about relationships. Yon was curious as to why in the world he could not get women to go out with him, and that he never had a girlfriend at that very point. Considering Yon's personality, it's really a surprise too. He's VERY outgoing and a very informed person. Sure he's not the best looking guy in the entire world, and he is the oldest person in Young Singles, but he is a great guy nevertheless. Also, he had some wonderful insight about women and how men were treated by them.

One such example he said really stuck out to me, and I was surprised how well it described my past relationship. Really was inspiring, and I'm glad I heard it from Yon. I hope the best for him.

Anyway, nothing much happened on Wednesday either.

On Thursday night, Jowy and I went ot the movies and saw Hoodwinked, a classic tale with a certain spin on it. The movie was basicly about Little Red Riding Hood and her trip to Granny's house. However, it had a unique twist from the very beginning, and everything turned a bit hay-wire after that. Next thing you know, Red and the others are sitting in front of a Detective while giving their various stories as to what happened. The criminal in the movie was pretty easy to figure out, and the animation wasn't exactly up to par with today's standards, but it was a decent movie nonetheless. We parted ways and headed off to do our own things.

As for Friday... well... that was perhaps one of the most interesting afternoons I've had all year.

After all my classes, Lisa (remember her?) and I headed over to the Philosophy club and I was introduced to everyone. Lucky for me, my old teacher, Dr. Hopkins, was there and a few people I recognized from Lisa's circle of friends were hanging around as well. I met Mathius too, who was an excellent photographer that has his work published on a gallery, and I think he is in charge of the Broken Ink magazine that deals with a lot of writing, drawing, and what not from the USCA students. A few others were Skylar, the "Black Guy" of the Philosophy club, and a few other people I'd meet throughout the next week.

To start the meeting off, Lisa brought in some DELICIOUS chocolate cheese cake she made, and everyone took the time to dig in and enjoy it to its fullest. After that, we got into a long discussion about Philosophy and its role in today's world. Dr. Hopkins mentioned how the art of Philosophy seemed to be dying out in todays world since Science and what not were taking a firm hold upon society. A great deal of the group agreed with this, and then a few of us mentioned how it really didn't seem to be dying at all. I, personally, noted how the world of Philosophy wasn't really dying out, but that it was actually just evolving into a more modern way of being. It was being shaped into the mold of youth activists, in governments, and in various cultures as a way of living. People are using philosophy in so many ways; it's just that they're not aware of it.

After a few heated debates between the members, we split up and went on our various ways.

Oh, but not Lisa and I. No no no, we had different plans for that afternoon. And to those of you that read that in a dirty way, shame on you! No, we planned a few days ago about meeting up with Paula (also from Gaia) at Lisa's house, and to watch a movie. So, for the next fifteen minutes or so, the two of us drove to her house and hung around for a while. When I left my car and saw who Paula was, I was quite surprised. She looked slightly different from her picture on MSN, but I was happy to see her nonetheless. In the past, the two of us had a few spats and arguements when I first showed up (read back on my blog a bit, you'll find it), we soon grew as friends and shared some interests. Next thing you know, the two of us are chatting and laughing about everything.

So, meeting Paula for the first time wasn't too strange. It's weird, but I really didn't associate her with being the girl I knew online for some reason. *shrugs* Ah well.

As soon as I walked into the door, Lisa's dogs all huddled around me and were inspecting me. Gigi, Lisa's first dog, was a bit scared of me at first and would walk away when I tried to pet her, but Mo was more than happy to attract my attention and get as many pets in as she possible could. And by doing this, Gigi became a bit jealous and quickly drew me attention away from Mo by letting me pet her as well. It was so adorable! Within a matter of minutes, I had Gigi on the floor and enjoying her belly rubs.

This caused a bit of a dismay between my friends because Gigi was supposed to hate men. I laughed about that and considered Gigi's newfounded trust in me a sign of victory.

Booyah!

Ah... and while Lisa got changed, Paula and I talked about Gaia and some various issues upon it, and we discussed a few things about RO (which I have little knowledge of compared to others, but know enough about games to hold a conversation about). WIth the many short conversations we had, the two of us eventually went over to join Lisa in the kitchen. There, I had a fun time cleaning dished with them and wearing a tiara in the process was listening to porn bass music in the background.

... Don't ask.

Eventually, everyone headed back into the living room and I listened in as the two of them talked about the past and laughed about a few topics. We eventually got into discussing Gaia once more and I had Paula and Lisa wondering if they could borrow items. Lisa went so far as to try and give me the cutest face she could possibly make, which involving smiling in a very nice, adorable, and sickeningly nostalgic way. For a split second, I think I saw her as some one else. Meh... I hate to think about that, and I was reminded once more when we were preparing to leave and Lisa ran out in a black tanktop, holding her hair back in a pony tail while telling me they'd be ready in a while.

It made me think for a while, and then I laughed about it soon afterwards. All in the past, and I'm glad it's there.

We left Lisa's home and headed over to get something to eat at Wendy's. There, I answered a bunch fo questions the girls had about the site, and told them what to do with certain situations, even giving them advice for how to handle a problem or two they were having. As we left, they thanks me that I was a moderator in their guild.

It's nice being wanted.

We headed over to Target and purchased a few things, then headed out to the movies where we saw A New World. My advice for anyone that wants to see that movie: Save yourself eight-bucks and don't bother with it. I expected a whole lot more from this movie than just some love-story between Pocahantus and John Smith. It was rated PG-13 based on a single graphic battle scene, one which wasn't all that good in the first place. There was hardly any dialogue in the movie at all, and most of it was just some minor narrations here and there. Everything was so sappy and boring, and it only held my attention for a few measily minutes - which is bad considering the entire movie was a over two-hours long. I regret passing up the movie Hostel (even if it was rated R) to see this movie.

I think the best part of the movie was in the very end where some girl in the audience said, "I didn't know she died!"Oi... and the three of us did not let that go.

After the movie, we headed over to a gas station so that Paula could pick up some more cigarettes.

... Yeah... I think the fact that the two of them smoking all the time was the only thing that was really bothering me the entire afternoon. "You know what I could use?" "A smoke?" "Oh yeah." I was sickened by how often the two girls actually pulled out cigarettes and started smoking their little heads off. As soon as I saw the first puff fo smoke, I rolled my window down as fast as I possibly could. I can take smoking in public (my highschool friends did it all the time), but I would not be able to stand it in the car with closed windows. Whenever we left the car for whatever reason, I was thankful for having a fresh breath of air that didn't stink horribly. I kid you not that the two of them went through half a pack each that one afternoon.

*le sigh* ... Ah well.

While Paula was gone, Lisa pulled her chair back and looked over at me, asking what it was like to meet a person from Gaia face-to-face for the first time. I mentioned that I had met someone from Gaia before the two of them, and then talked a little bit about Miriam to Lisa. After telling how about the three times I visited, she was really surprised to learn that Mia lived off in Maryland at the time, and that we stuck together for so long. After telling mentioning that she was the one that got me into the church, Lisa just smiled and said, "There must be something more to the church to make you stay around after your ex- left you." At that point, Paula came back and we left.

The three of us headed home and lounged around for a while. I called my parents up to tell them I'd be home soon, and my mom gave me a little talking to since she had no idea where I was. Yes... since 2:30 that afternoon, my parents were worrying their bums off as to where exactly I was. When they called up the missionaries, they were informed that I had gone on a "double-date". I blinked for a while, contemplating that, then laughed and reassured tehm that they were just my friends and we were only hanging out.

When I finally did head home, I sat around and talked with my parents about what happened, and told them not to worry so much. In all honesty, I didn't think they would considering how often I hung around with the missionaries for hours and hours. Though, in a way, I'm glad that they were worried about me. I appreciated the thought.

And that was enough for me.

The rest of the week was uninteresting as well. Monday had me really worried over a map-quiz, but it turned out to be very easy and I passed it with flying colors.

Mmm... been a long while. Not sure why I still post here.

And I Laughed

I'm doing a very good job with my New Year's resolution, and I'm very glad that I've done so. It's made me a better person and everything - in my opinion at least. And no, I'm not telling anyone what that resolution is, nor will I ever tell anyone what it is. You don't need to know and it's really none of your businesses.

Sorry for sounding a bit harsh there, but the truth is the truth.

Mm, and college started for me on Monday. Back to the old University of South Carolina in Aiken I went, driving along in my repainted car and with a smile upon my face. I entered into the campus a bit early, if only to get a feel for everything again, then headed off to my initial class: American National Government; or for your picky little twirps out there, Political Science. I must say that the teacher really surprised me when I saw him. He wasn't some old fart, and he was very honest with his feelings, which really got a great deal of us laughing.

"Alright, at this ripe old age of mine, I've given up the hope of dreams and fantasies in my life, knowing they will never come true. But, just for the heck of it, do we have any Political Science majors in this class?"

And everyone stayed silent.

"And... I thought as much."

I have a good feeling about this guy. On the first day of class, we were instructed to take a research test that we wouldn't be seeing back - ever - for some survey. Apparently, researchers wanted to see how a semester's worth of knowledge in politics would change over time. I managed to get through a nice chunk of it, but couldn't finish when the teacher told us to pass them to the left. A bit distraught, I reluctantly gave up my test and sat quietly, waiting for our next instructions. And, it was at this point that I learned just how great this teacher was.

"Class, I'm going to trust you in never telling a soul what I'm about to tell you. What I am going to say will never leave this room," says the teacher, moving across the room, "In my personal opinion, those tests are complete and utter [crud]. No one is ever going to ask you such stupid questions as how many people are in the Senate, or how long the term of a certain office is. Those are trivia questions, not Politics. The only place those questions could possibly help you with is on Jeopardy."

I told you he was a great guy. I love a honest, open teacher that isn't afraid to voice his opinion about a matter. And thus, my newest semester started off.

I departed from my Political Science class with a smile on my face, and a cheer in my step. However, I became even more cheery as a bright, pale face met with mine and nearly pounced on me. Yes, it was Lisa, my old friend from Philosophy that was an avid participant on Gaiaonline. She quickly broke from her group of friends and followed/led me outside, happy and cheery as she gave me some good news. A few days previous to that one, she completed one of her quests on Gaia - the one to obtain a Jacked-Up Shirt. She thanks me profusely for having given her two pitchforks and even made a thread dedicated entirely to me in her guild. Needless to say, I was a bit flatter. With this young woman bouncing around and all, I couldn't help but cheer up even more so than before! However, I had to depart from her after my time ran out, and headed over into my World History class.

As I entered and sat down in the very back (one of the few seats elft, mind you), my ears rang with the sound of Beethoven's 5th Symphony, a musical masterpiece. The teacher there was an old, wrinkly man, and heavy-set to boot! I was a bit intimidated by the look of him, noting how the music made him seem even more powerful than before. Previous to this semester, I would pass by his class and hear these melodies ringing through the halls. I always wondered why he played such classical music all the time, and what sort of class it must have been. However, Dr. Luman's was hardly the man I envisioned him to seem.

"Good morning class! I think you've all noticed the music we have playing. And I play it because I think it's a nice addition to the class when everyone's coming in, and I personally like it as well. So, before we start anything, I was wondering if anyone could possibly tell me what song this is, and who wrote it. Well, not wrote but composed it."

"Beethoven's 5th?"

"Very good!"

Turns out this guy was a very jolly old man, and had a very kind spirit about him. It was like Santa except missing a beard and less hair. Still, a nice old guy nonetheless. Also, he was the head of the department, so any little problem could go directly to him. Pretty handy, in my opinion. So his class wasn't too bad either, and I found it a bit interesting.

And thus, I left that class as well, going off and heading over to the library. After surfing Gaia for about ten minutes or so, I decided to go get some lunch while I had time. Fifteen or so minutes later, I returned to my college campus; a McDonald's Mcflurry in hand, no less. They aren't nearly as good as Sonics' Flurry ice creams, but they are there when you need it. And considering how hungry I was, I certainly could have used one. I decided to head up to the Quad, parking my rear on a bench, and ate the little morsel while trying to look busy. I'm a people watcher, so I tend to do that so I won't be distracted by others.

That and it allows me time to scheme. Heh heh...

After finishing that up, I decided to head over to the H&SS building while I still had some time, and check out some stuff at the English department while I was there. However, I was greeted once more, and in a most peculiar way.

"Airez!"

...
...
...
That's right, folks. I was called "Airez"; in real life, no less. In a real, public place with over a dozen people standing around me. I was referred to by one of my online nicknames, something that has never happened in those circumstances.

As I turned around, I looked over and saw Lisa covering her mouth, laughing uncontrollably as I gave her a weirdly amused look.

"I meant James!"

"Airez? You actually called me by that name?"

"It just slipped and came out and I just-"

"Sure, sure [namewithdrawn]." I respond with a coy grin.

"No no no! Don't call me that," laughed Lisa, trying to cover my mouth, "Okay, I'm a dork for it, I know! But come on, what have I been calling you over the past month?"

I just grinned, "Well, considering we've only been online-"

"Yes! That's why I slipped it up!"

Her defence was fine and all, but I'm never letting her live that one down. I walked back inside after she begged me to go away (and save her from embarassment), headed around to the English department and took care of a little business, then walked back out and snuck up behind her once more, comforting her on the fact that she pronounced my name properly, something that surprises even me! I asked a friend a while back how she would pronounce my name, and she said that most everyone said "Ie-rez", which would be the Spanish or Japanese pronounciation. Still, props to those that did was I did and Americanize it. Go USA!

We joked about it for a while before heading off into our classes. And my next one was (dun dun DUN!) Psycology.

In I went and enjoyed the light-hearted people there, listening into their conversations and making a few of my own. I noticed one guy in particular that I recognized, Jason, and waved at him. He was a good friend of mine back in my French 3 class of highschool, and I spent many hours just talking with the guy and never doing my work in that class. My reason? I really didn't want that class anyway and the guy was always fun. I'm surprised I managed to get the grades that I did.

So, that aside, I took notice of two other highschool faces that I recognized, and nodded at them as well. During class, we really didn't do anything better than go over the syhllabus, but the teacher there was quiet fun as well. She was very outgoing, and had a nice sense of humor. It was nice to have so many good classes this year, and I was happy knowing that I recognized so many people this time around. Who knew Sophmore year of college was so much fun?

But, alas, I departed from that class and happened upon my Sociology class. I had high hopes for this place, and was thrilled knowing that I was in the same room I started in. Not only that, but two individuals from that class were in my Political Science class as well, so I quickly got to socializing with them also. And we waited... and waited... and waited some more... for our teacher. Eventually, the old coot finally showed up, apologized for his tardiness, and started with class.

Oh man... it was torture. This guy was very old, had a monotone voice, and didn't seem to know what he was doing half the time. Also, he admitted that he didn't have a teaching plan prepared for class, and that he'd be winging most of the lectures he did. This sent up the first red flag for me. Next, after going through the syllabus, he mentioned about how he wanted cellphones turned off.

"Okay, you can call your drug dealers after class."

... I kid you not... he really did say that. He's old, he's tiring, and he's trying to crack jokes that are difficult to discern from seriousness and sarcasm. Not only that, but he kept going with it and made more humorless jokes that just seemed to go on and on with no end in sight. Needless to say, I was more than ready to get out of that class, especially since it was the longest one I had all day. Oi... but at least some good came out of it, as it some how manages to happen whenever I leave a class.

"Well that was interesting." I said to a girl behind me, who quickly lunged forward (so to speak).

He leaned in and looked at me wide-eyed, blinking many many times. I just stared back as she said, "Oh my gosh! Do you remember me?"

"Oh course I do, Amy."

Amy, a friend of mine from St. Mary's, was standing there, seemingly amazed by me. And I'm really not saying that in an egotistical way; she seemed utterly dumbfounded in the way I had changed.

"Wow! James! I didn't recognize you at all. I was going "It can't be!" And I had to see your face to make sure who it actually was!"

"Oh?"

"Yeah, and wow... you have changed. I mean, you look different, you're taller and ... you've gotten big..."

I'm seriously going to assume she meant my muscle mass. The way she made it sound was as if she was enthralled by the way I'd changed, and I don't blame her. Back when she truly knew me, I was just some pasty-white kid with a bowl cut and thick glasses. Now, however, I have a very muscular build, have slicked back hair (which I'm proud of), and I got rid of the glasses nearly a year ago. I look like a completely different person from the one she knew, or anyone knew for that matter.

Yes, I am very proud of the change I made.

We conversed and walked side-by-side, exitting the H&SS building while laughing about how everything had changed. It was a fine little meeting that I wasn't expecting, especially since I knew what sort of person Amy had become (of which I won't disclose at this point). I'm just happy she decided to come up and talk with me, until the hawk came into being.

The highlight of my day! A hawk was stalking a squirrel on the same tree in the quad. A whole group of people were gathered around and watching as the bird moved from branch to branch, moving slowly after the little critter as it skittered around the sides of the tree, trying its best to stay out of sight. Amy departed and waved to me as I joined Brandon (friend of college) in talking about the bird and wishing it would catch the squirrel.

Sorry, as much as an animal lover as I am, this was better than National Geographic channel. Heck, there must have been thirty-some people just gathered around and waiting for something to happen. A teacher actually came outside with a camera, taking pictures of the bird as it puffed its chest out - which led me to believe the bird was putting one one big show for everyone. It was strangly enchanting to watch this event... surrounded by spectators, waiting for the suspsence to draw to a close.

Eventually, people began to disperse and the bird left the tree after I waited a good thirty or so minutes. Afterwards, I headed home and enjoyed a nice, long nap.

I love college. And I'm going to cut this entry off right here. It's gotten long enough!

Ciao!

Flutter Away

First things first, I should explain the last entry of mine. No, that wasn't Miriam; yes, it was some other girl. Her name is Michelle and she was a nice acquaintance of mine from the old private school I attended. And, on Wednesday night of last week, I received a phone call from her.

Let me give you a little backstory on Michelle. First of all, like I said, we used to go to school together. Our entire grade consisted of thirty-two individuals, so everyone knew everyone else more or less. I believe I first saw Michelle back in second grade while I was nursing my crush on another girl, Jayme (who currently lives in Chicago). Michelle was always the quiet girl, and never spoke up on any occasion. She always had long, blondish-brown hair, and almost always pulled it back into a pony-tail. She wasn't the most attractive girl in school, being beaten out by many of the other girls in that grade, but she still had a little allure about her. I never really took notice of her until after Jayme left. Next thing you know, I notice a rather tall girl that would always follow others around (in no way was Michelle a leader).

She always seemed nervous but happy when I talked with her back then, and she was very soft-spoken. The whole shy thing was very attractive to me for some reason. She wasn't too shy either - just enough to gain my attention and keep it. Also, I was informed by another girl, Kristen, that she more or less had a bit of a crush on me. Notice that I was in eighth-grade, and was shy like no other still. For this reason, I never really approached her on this mild attraction we both shared. I still regret that, to some extent. The last time I saw and talked to her was at the highschool graduation party, my eighteenth birthday.

On to the call.

Now, I'd given her a call previously because of that dream, and she promptly apologized for not calling sooner. I forgave her and laughed about it, talked to her for a little while before mentioning the reasoning behind my calling her. We both thought it was very weird, but we chuckled later. It turns out that many changes happened while these five years passed.

Instead of staying in Seattle, Kristen and her family moved back to Aiken. Kristen was a very good friend of mine and I got along great with her. I'd say that she was one of the only girls in St. Mary's that I really could chat with on a daily basis every morning. I think daycare together is what linked the two of us really. That and Kristen had a crush on my brother in fourth grade (ha HA! Pinkie-swear). Turns our that she's an English Major as well. So, I need to some how find her number and give that girl a call. We've a lot of catching up to do.

Also, I learned of some troubles between Rachael, another friend of mine, and her family. She was out of college and working because her parents were having issues (something I relate to). If anyone from my past could relate to my current life, whether it be my love of drawing and writing, it would be her. I need to give her a call as well, if only to see how she's holding up.

As for Michelle: She changed a bit as well. It turns out that I was mistaken for thinking she'd gone to USC; instead, she attended Clemson (USC's rival) college, a good hour or two away from where I currently live. Also, her life is going pretty smoothly and I don't know too many details other than that. She was surprised that I joined a different church, and surprised me for knowing what the Latter-Day-Saints were. Also something that surprised me was that she hardly ever went to Church anymore. I had her pinned as a religion loving girl and what not - ah well.

The chat went along fine and we decided that we'd stay in touch here and there. I planned on inviting her out to dinner on Friday, but things fell through and we weren't able to meet up or anything. Currently, I suspect the girl is now somewhere in Clemson right now, getting ready to attend that college of hers.

And... yeah. That's about it.

Also, I've remembered a little thing that chimed in to me recently: I won't do something if a person asks me about it. Take for example the laundry. My mother had been bugging me and bugging me and bugging me about doing it. Everytime she did it, I was more and more reluctant to ever get it done. Yesterday, when she wasn't awake, I did it because I saw it there. That's the thing - I'll be more likely to do something when people aren't nagging my butt off to get it done. This holds true for just about everything I do. I HATE IT when people start nagging at me to do something like get a job, get good grades, or to get a girlfriend. Especially the last one.

Unless you've been under a rock for the past few months, you've noticed that my post generally have something mentioning girls in it, whether it be the ones I'm interested in or the details of people nagging at me. "So, James, what about that Vanessa girl? When are you going to ask her out?" "Hmm, I don't know, John. When are you? You've been with just about every girl in this entire ward already." I kid you not that he almost has. But he's not the only person I get it from, and it grinds at me constantly whenever some one mentions the thought of me getting with a girl. I find it irksome that something like that has to be their business.

If I want the world to know, I'll let it know. If I don't give a hoot, then I won't.

That asside... I don't really know what it is with me. I've almost no attraction to any girl in this ward. I loath the thought of being expect to stick with members as well, seeing how that seems to be the only way to get into the Celestial Kingdom. Sure, I'd love to find another girl and all that, but my standards just aren't being met at this time. If they're smart and attractive, then they're seriously lacking in maturity. If they're mature... which basicly none of them are, then they have other flaws. Goodness knows the girls that would catch my fancy at already married. Half my friends online are more mature and fun to be with than the girls in this ward.

And while I'm on the topic of girlfriends and boyfriends, I wondered what the purpose of having one was at this point. Sure, cuddling might be fine and dandy, and all that cutesy little hanging around together 24/7 is fine, but for what purpose. As I see it, guys are just interested in getting with a girl for perverse motives these days. I look at Mike and his girlfriend (who technically isn't with him since she moved to Virginia), and I wonder what the heck the point was between them. All I know is that she made-out with him on the first date and that seemed to clinche the deal. Moments of passion... *sighs*

Where the heck has love gone in this world? I'd really like to see that again in a way that's not perverted by today's disgusting sex-drives. Yeah, I look forward to sexual intercourse just as much as the next guy, but I'm not making that my goal when I find a girl. I'm looking for someone more than a friend, more than a girlfriend, and more than just someone I talk to every once in a while.

I'm looking for the girl that I can fall in love with - the one that can love me as well.

A few moments of temporary passion... I remember being accused for wanting only that at one point. I felt entirely misunderstood when I was attacked by those words, and the pain I felt still lingers with me to this day. Basically, I just plain feel misunderstood all the time. My mind turns one way and the world turns the other. Perhaps I'm misunderstanding the world around me, unable to see the real picture. Whatever the case... the world just seems too foggy for me when it comes to love.

And yeah... called by the Bishop today. I should be receiving the Melchizedek priesthood by the end of the month if the meeting with the Stake-President goes well. Also, I'm a Ward Missionary now.

Go me.